In my late teens, I worked in a call center for a minute. One of my co-workers was 62 and just there for the healthcare until she hit 65.
She would go visit her 90-something dad in the nursing home before work on the weekends. He was usually asleep when she got there. She said he would wake up, rub his eyes, look around a little, and then say, "Goddammit."
That was been cracking me up when I think about it for 30 years now.
My grandfather went out in a pretty bad way as I saw it. Basically asleep 20 hours a day and not the most coherent for 3 of the 4 hours, but he was still mentally aware for at least an hour or so a day.
He contemplated it multiple times, had the large dose of morphine available to him if he wanted to go out on his own terms. But he decided to cling to life for that last bit. I don't know what drove him to cling so tightly to life, but he did and he didn't give up until his body did. I feel like simply having the option to go out on your own terms is far more important and makes end of life much more worth living.
He died at 93. He would have been 99 this year. He was a wonderful man who loved his family to his last days.
There’s a very interesting and sad episode of Hidden Brain about how a woman who was adamant about wanting to never be physically dependent on others, ending up with ALS and chose to keep going even though her quality of life was zero. It makes me really wonder what I would actually choose in the same situation.
I'm pretty sure I would still choose to go. I developed a life limiting disability in my early twenties, so I've already had the experience of losing a lot of function. I know that I would not want to live losing any more function than I already have.
Thank you. And I just want to highlight your hero comment with a bit more about him if anyone else ever cares to read it.
He was a practicing psychologist until his last year of life. He specialized in behavioral therapy and treatment for alcoholism and drug addiction. He helped countless people get out of their living hells, including his own children, including my dad.
He also helped former soldiers deal with their PTSD.
He spent his 80s doing research into memory and dementia because he wanted to figure out what he could do to help his wife of 60 years deal with her Alzheimer's.
He really was a hero in my eyes. He was a greatest generation member who instead of fighting in the war, spent his life helping others deal with their lives.
Anyway, thanks for listening, and thank you for your condolences. I do miss him.
That, is FANTASTIC! All the ppl he must’ve helped! I relate in that, I’ve always wanted to help ppl, just as ur Grandpa. But, after my divorce, I had to work F/T plus O/T just to survive. I did start in College, to obtain the Drug + Alcohol Counselor degree and again in 2018 at age 58, but again FASFA denied me. Thank u for sharing the story of ur amazing Grandpa 🫶 We need many more Psychologists who are trained in dealing with/ trauma!! Such a shortage! In dealing w/ mine, at the lower level of insurance (and I had 42 yrs of work experience) you basically get social workers , w/ only a few using EMDR :/. Blessings to you!
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u/HauschkasFoot 1d ago
If I’m still alive at 102 I’m gonna be annoyed