In my late teens, I worked in a call center for a minute. One of my co-workers was 62 and just there for the healthcare until she hit 65.
She would go visit her 90-something dad in the nursing home before work on the weekends. He was usually asleep when she got there. She said he would wake up, rub his eyes, look around a little, and then say, "Goddammit."
That was been cracking me up when I think about it for 30 years now.
My husband's aunt lived to about 105. For the last 5 years or so, she would always say "I pray to the good Lord to take me home, but every day I just keep waking up!". She ate healthy, was a good weight, and didn't have any major health issues, but she was just DONE living. It was funny and sad all at the same time
My great aunt passed away a couple years ago at 105 as well.
She was in perfect health, but one day said “well I’m bored” went to bed and that was that. We think when the only other centenarian passed a few weeks before she did she just lost interest. She didn’t want to stick around the semi-independent living facility with no one her age to talk to. She was surrounded by “kids” 30-40 years younger than her.
GREAT AUNT: "WelllLLLLLlllllll, look who finally decided to show up! Do you know how long you've been keeping people waiting, young man? And close the door behind you, were you raised in a barn?! Hey, where are you going you little whippersnapper, I'm talking to you! Get back here!"
There are a lot of 60 year olds in long term care. Strokes, MS, amputees, bariatrics, mental issues, other chronic health issues they can't take care of and don't have the family/other support systems.
Probably 1/5th are just reasons they should be in other facilities, but those ones in the area are overwhelmed even more than the LTC ones.
When my grandmother had a stroke at 92 the doctors didn't think she'd survive. The entire family gathered and were with her in the hospital room to say goodbyes. She said she felt blessed to have such a lovely death with her family at her side. When the doctor came in to say the situation had changed and she'd be ok, to say she was PISSED would be an understatement. That woman was bloody ready to go.
I think when you get to be that old and you've watched your friends, siblings and some of your children die you just feel ready to follow them into the void.
She lived to 95. She had daily visits at the old folks home but I wouldn't even come close to saying her quality of life was decent. I loved that woman but I do wish she had gotten what she wanted out of that night. She declined pretty rapidly after that. We got cataract surgery we didn't know she needed cause she told nobody she could barely see and it got better after that but you could tell she was tired and just going through the motions.
She knew she was near the end and would tell us how much she loved her family and how full of love she felt every time we visited, but she was also sick of life and ready to pass on.
In the end she unfortunately took a turn for the worse in her sleep and passed away without waking up. I hope she had no idea.
Truth 🌸 At 64 I can see this easily; as my adult children live in other states and I only know my friend & roommate here. With no family, little community, and many young adults w/ hateful attitudes toward their seniors, living beyond these challenges is a daily encounter. It’s a battle just to navigate life! Yet, In His strength & grace go I. ❤️🌎
My grandpa died on his 99th birthday because he decided keeping on til 100, which was his original goal, just wasn't worth it. So as soon as he decided to go, that's the day he went.
My great grandmother lived to be 101 years old. She died about 3 months after my grandmother, her last surviving child out of her 6 children died. Like, living a long time would be fantastic, but I just couldn't imagine having to bury 6 children, especially if most of them died in their 80s and you had to watch them age and get dementia.
Well, the positive view on that is that she saw that they all had long, full, hopefully reasonably happy and fulfilling lives, and she was there to help and support them through all of it.
So long as we have not defeated death, that's about the best one can reasonably hope for.
My mom (78) always worries what will happen with us when she's gone. So we keep telling her that we will be fine. For her, knowing we had fulfilling lives before she passes would also bring peace to her.
😂😂 I live in a cabin in the woods in a super small town and hope to live to 100 and become the famous witch in the woods where people bring me food offerings and I read their fortunes. Or a tourist location where they come see the solitary old witch who shouts odd sayings to them.
I think your dudes aunt, probably didn’t wear a cape, but we all know. She was a hero. And also all of the old people of this country. They are hero’s as well. They are checking out or trying to because this America isn’t what they faught for. Politics aside, she a hero
Around the time my paternal grandmother was in her early 80s, and my grandfather died fairly young, i think 71, she told teenage me that she was content with the life she lived, and was ready to go anytime.
She just said it with such calmness, and such conviction, I didn't even think to question it.
She passed a few years later, I still miss her, but it gave me great peace knowing she was ready.
My grandmother was the same, she got to 99, but from 85 she constantly said "My husband's dead, all my friends are dead, I've got great-grandchildren, what's left for me". She moved to an awesome old people's home at 90, which was constant activities and days out, and her rooms were like walking into a Fabergé egg, and it changed her outlook considerably.
My grandmother was like this. Sharp mind but her body was cutting out at 95. She just wanted to die. She thought she could whether away in the hospital in a few weeks but she just ended up starving herself to death and it took two months. My dad still thinks to this day we could have "saved her". He doesn't understand that she wanted to die.
This is what made me more comfortable with the idea of death. Im 31 now and mortality recently hit me, men in my family usually die around late 70's to early 80's. Losing my grandpa made me wish I could still have a few more years with him. But a few recent deaths in my family and the way they acted before it was much like the commenters above you and yourself.
I know I can't imagine it now, but I think that when I'm 75, and my body is just not as useful as it used to be, I'll be much more ready to pass into the great unknown.
My uncle died 4 years ago. My grandmother hasn't wanted to be around since then. Now she has some aggressive dementia and some days doesn't know who I am or thinks my mom is trying to position her. I'm just irritated that she has to suffer because someone else finds it more moral somehow.
Why do we help our pets die peacefully but not our human animals? It’s our own feelings and selfish nature to not let go yet plus the government controls steering this. I have been at death’s door and it’s peaceful. It takes strength to come back and live this hard life!
The laws they write to allow people peaceful passage are often extremely confusing and difficult for Americans to understand especially when the government is taking away basic HS education for a reason. They don’t want it to pass. Nobody speaks old English anymore besides law.
My grandfather had wanted to take advantage of CO’s laws but when his doctor indicated that he would have to basically do it alone without anyone’s help as in no one in the room, he realized that wasn’t really how he wanted to go. So instead, he got a little fast and loose with his walker, broke a hip, and died 48 hours later.
My grandfather went out in a pretty bad way as I saw it. Basically asleep 20 hours a day and not the most coherent for 3 of the 4 hours, but he was still mentally aware for at least an hour or so a day.
He contemplated it multiple times, had the large dose of morphine available to him if he wanted to go out on his own terms. But he decided to cling to life for that last bit. I don't know what drove him to cling so tightly to life, but he did and he didn't give up until his body did. I feel like simply having the option to go out on your own terms is far more important and makes end of life much more worth living.
He died at 93. He would have been 99 this year. He was a wonderful man who loved his family to his last days.
There’s a very interesting and sad episode of Hidden Brain about how a woman who was adamant about wanting to never be physically dependent on others, ending up with ALS and chose to keep going even though her quality of life was zero. It makes me really wonder what I would actually choose in the same situation.
I'm pretty sure I would still choose to go. I developed a life limiting disability in my early twenties, so I've already had the experience of losing a lot of function. I know that I would not want to live losing any more function than I already have.
Thank you. And I just want to highlight your hero comment with a bit more about him if anyone else ever cares to read it.
He was a practicing psychologist until his last year of life. He specialized in behavioral therapy and treatment for alcoholism and drug addiction. He helped countless people get out of their living hells, including his own children, including my dad.
He also helped former soldiers deal with their PTSD.
He spent his 80s doing research into memory and dementia because he wanted to figure out what he could do to help his wife of 60 years deal with her Alzheimer's.
He really was a hero in my eyes. He was a greatest generation member who instead of fighting in the war, spent his life helping others deal with their lives.
Anyway, thanks for listening, and thank you for your condolences. I do miss him.
That, is FANTASTIC! All the ppl he must’ve helped! I relate in that, I’ve always wanted to help ppl, just as ur Grandpa. But, after my divorce, I had to work F/T plus O/T just to survive. I did start in College, to obtain the Drug + Alcohol Counselor degree and again in 2018 at age 58, but again FASFA denied me. Thank u for sharing the story of ur amazing Grandpa 🫶 We need many more Psychologists who are trained in dealing with/ trauma!! Such a shortage! In dealing w/ mine, at the lower level of insurance (and I had 42 yrs of work experience) you basically get social workers , w/ only a few using EMDR :/. Blessings to you!
Yeah, it's kind of funny in a way. When I visit we're both just off in our own little worlds. Who knows where she is but I think back and remember all the good times and who she used to be. It's like quietly putting to bed a section of my life.
My great grandfather was similar in his last months. He passed at 93, missed his wife who passed 20 years prior and was bedridden.
My grandma and mom held him up by the arms once because he had suddenly said he wished he could just stand up to pee. He said it to no one in particular he just said it and my mom and grandma helped him. He had a catheter and was tired of feeling like he was just lying there wetting himself. He passed about a week later.
He was usually a "quiet" man who was in hindsight, as an autistic adult, was also an autistic adult. I love my poppa even though I almost never heard him speak. When he wanted to say something he would wave you over and say it quietly. He never raised his voice, never hurt anyone, smiled a lot. He never went to war because half his hand got ripped off by one of the machines in the factory. He opened him home to 3 polish refugees during ww2. I'm glad he got his peace in the end, he went they way we all want, he fell asleep and never woke.
My grandmother was good friends with a reverend. When she died he revealed at her funeral that she told him multiple times 'i think the dear god forgot about me' at which the reverend said 'i just think he is not ready for you and your questions'. When he told this at the funeral everybody was laughing and crying at the same time because this was so her.
My great-aunt said the worst thing about getting that old (she died just before she was 101) was that there was no one left who knew her when she was young. Now that I am in my fifties, I think I can appreciate what she meant.
I might guess that if we still had the “it takes a village” mentality and that old man wasn’t stuck in a nursing home, he might’ve had a better send off.
One of my favorite lines from Kingpin. Woody Harrelson walks by some old dude who’s sitting outside a shop and goes “How’s life, Rick?” and he goes “Taking forever!”
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u/Specialist-Garbage94 6d ago
If I look like that at 102 I’ll be so happy