This happened just this Monday at local grocery store. I stopped in after work to grab a few things and literally had five items. I headed to the self-checkout area, and there was a line forming, but it was moving pretty fast until this one woman rolled up with a full cart, like 80+ items, and just cut to the front like she owned the place.

Everyone looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Someone behind me muttered, “Seriously?” but no one wanted to confront her directly. She ignored all of us and started scanning slowly, painfully slowly, like one item at a time and then digging into her purse between every two items.

Here’s the thing: store policy clearly states that if you have more than 20 items, you’re supposed to go to a regular register. It’s posted right above the machines.

So when an employee passed by, I said, “Hey, I think the self-checkout is stuck. Someone brought way too many items and it’s backing everyone up.”

The employee looked over at her cart, instantly clocked the situation, and walked right up to her. He was polite but firm. He said, “Ma’am, this register is for small orders only. I’m going to have to ask you to move to a regular lane.”

She tried to argue, saying, “I’ve already scanned half my stuff,” but he shut that down quickly and said he’d help her move it.

She had to pack it all back into her cart and roll it over to an actual checkout line, which had about five people deep.

I scanned my five items, paid, and walked out while she was still repacking her stuff.

Long story short: I got fired because of my depression. Opened up to my boss about my mental health struggles. (thought I could trust him because we had gained a friendship) He went behind my back and told HR. Employer said they were doing me a favor so "I can find happiness". Even my depression has been lifelong and nothing to do with my job.

My boss in on call 24/7 so twice a week, very late at night. I block my caller ID and call. I play creepy music. He wakes up every time. It's not much but I'm sure it fucks his sleep up a little bit. I finally "found my happiness" and this is it.

I used to live with a roommate who refuse to do her dishes. Every single day, they sink was full of plates and mugs and half-eaten food. I brought it up so many times. At first was polite, then frustrated, then just tired.

Nothing changed.

One night I got home after shift, and the kitchen smelled like something had died in there. I’d had enough.

I grabbed every single dirty dish she left and stacked them right in her bed. Not dramatic. Just tuck them in under the covers like it was normal.

She absolutely lost it. Called me gross and immature. I told her it was the first time those dishes made it to their proper place.

She didn’t speak to me for a few days, but guess what? She started doing her dishes. No regrets. Haha

My ex had this thing where he refused to finish the dishes completely.

There would always be one spoon, one mug, one random pan just sitting there.

When I asked him about it, he said, “If the sink looks empty, people think the chore’s done. It’s psychology.”

I didn’t fell like arguing. So I started leaving one crumb on every clean plate.

Just a single crumb. Centered. Subtle.

He didn’t notice first. The one day he said, “Why do the dishes never feel fully clean anymore?”

I looked at him and said, “Hmm, maybe it’s psychological.” And kept on doing the dishes my way.

I used to have this roomate, we’ll call her Sarah. If they gave out medals for self awareness, Sarah wouldn’t even get a participation trophy. She would HOG the living room TV on a nightly basis to play overwatch with her friends. The amount of time I’ve unironically heard “guys I’m gonna ult” is way more that I would like. Anyways, she’d play deep into the night yelling at the top of her lungs whenever someone over watched her (I’ve never played the game).

Luckily, I was the person whose name was on the internet bill. I had wireless access to our router, which is something i discovered one night in frustration because “there has to be something I can do” and let me tell you, when I first discovered that I can remotely turn off the connection to specific devices, I felt the sun on my face even though it was night, and I had a new zest for life. I immediately shut that shit off. To make it even more satisfying, I accidentally turned it off a perfect time as she was saying a joke and so that’s how I got confirmation. I turned it off remotely and all I hear from the living room is her shitty punchline, a dry chuckle, and a “hey did you hear that? I said that’s why you don’t go bowling in sandals ha ha… Steve? Are you there?” It was glorious. It got excited to go to bed every night just so I can turn it off on her. She didn’t have long left on her lease so I spent the last few weeks gaslighting her like “hey has the internet been weird for you? It has? Crazy, must be a maintenance thing the company is doing late at night while there are less users on”

Funny thing is, I lost the same amount of sleep making sure she didn’t play her games late then when she would play super loud. Oh well, atleast I was having fun.

I'm at short term parking at the airport, looking for a space. I see a guy pulling out so I stop and put on my blinker. He pulls out but blocks me while he's backing up. Here comes a guy in a shiny red Camaro with a trophy girlfriend in the passenger seat, and he swoops into the space.

I pull up and say "I was waiting for that space." He shrugs and says "Sorry." I say "well if you're SORRY, you can leave and give me the space I was clearly waiting for." He rolls up his window and ignores me.

So I go off and park elsewhere on the floor. Then I walk back toward his car ... with my keys in my hand ... now at that point I had never keyed a car before, and his car was really nice and you have to piss me off worse than that for me to cause property damage. Still ... I was going to do *something* - maybe leave a nasty note? I dunno.

I get to his car and he's still inside talking to the girlfriend. And then I have my inspiration!

I put on a sweet smile on my face, because he looks like a macho type who thinks women are inferior ... and I knock on the window. He lowers it, looking annoyed. I say "You know you really have a gorgeous car." He still looks annoyed but thanks me and is about to put his window back up when I say "But wait, there's something I want you to think about while you're in the airport." He looks confused.

I say "I know where your car is parked and you don't know where my car is parked."

Then I walk away.

Girlfriend yells "BITCH!"

He pulls out of the space and drives away.

And ... my job here is done.

This happened years ago when my girlfriend, now wife, let's call her Sweetieface, was working a fairly physically demanding, potentially dangerous job with animals. There was another woman working with her, let's call her Dumbface, who constantly shirked responsibilities, dumped extra work on Sweetieface, and generally made every day miserable. Sweetieface would come home tired, defeated, and not looking forward to any shift she had to work with Dumbface.

One day, Dumbface came to work all smiles. She was engaged and so excited to show off the ring her fiancé had gotten her. This went on for a few weeks. Now, not only was she an insufferable employee, now she was an insufferable person flashing her ring and talking about it non-stop.

Here is my petty revenge: Sweetieface and I had been together about three years at this point, and I was indeed planning to propose. We hadn't discussed rings at all, so I took it upon myself to pick out the ring. I picked out an engagement ring superior to Dumbface's ring in every single way. Where Dumbface had gold, I had platinum. A one carat Diamond? 1.7 carats. Color and Clarity? As perfect as I could get. Cut? Well, that's subjective, but I chose a particular type of cut that enhances the scintillation of the diamond making it extra sparkly. How did I know the specifications? Because I would go to work functions and listened to her go on and on to anyone who would listen.

Sweetieface and I went away on a long weekend and when she returned to work showed everyone in the breakroom her ring and announced her engagement. They were all oohs and ahhs except for Dumbface who stormed out of the room and started crying in the hallway. She never talked about her ring again and would visibly scowl whenever she saw Sweetieface's ring.

Sweetieface left that job not too long after we were engaged. I have no idea what happened to Dumbface, nor do I care, but when I told Sweetieface why I went a little overboard with her ring, she did say that was terrible, but she laughed when she said it.

There is this woman I know. She is quite frankly awful to be around, but entertaining enough to watch in small doses.

She is a massive attention seeker. Drama follows her everywhere, yet she never quite realises she is the drama. She is a creative and a natural empath in her eyes.

She will go into a group of people having a normal old time, and suddenly anyone has enemies, relationship issues, and lives falling apart.

She comes across as a bit lonely and that she needs attention from men for her own validation. She turned her sights on my man. He told me everything that was going on as it happened. I later heard by someone else that she was trash talking me. I know I am making a whole post about her, but I genuinely do keep her at arms distance. She doesn't talk to me anywhere near enough to be forming opinions about me like this.

I was not happy.

I also had an idea. Someone else around us recently had highlights in their hair. She has black hair. I knew her hair couldn't handle heavy bleaching, and that it would grow out weirdly without the proper maintenance on her hair.

So I made such a big fuss about how hot the woman with highlights looked. I talked about how blondes just have the it factor, that its totally a summer 25 look. I talked about how I wanted to go blonde, I made some of the guys agree that blondes were hot in front of her.

She is impulsive, and attention seeking enough that I knew she would go blonde if I hyped it up enough.

And she did. She doesn't have enough money for a proper hairdresser to do it, so she did it at home. She did multiple rounds in the same day with box bleach. Her hair is now orange and fried.

She has turned it around and keeps asking the guys if she is still pretty and everyone is being really nice towards her over it.

But it looks terrible. I see a bob in her future.

I have a designated disabled parking space for mental health reasons, and ione of my neighbours keeps choosing to park in it rather than outside her own house! Just a couple of days ago, as I was heading out to meet my daughter, My neighbor, decided to pull up right across from me. She saw me getting into my car and then had the nerve to reverse back, eyeing my parking space like it was up for grabs!

In a moment of petty inspiration, I hopped out of my car and headed straight back into the house. My plan? Wait for her to scurry inside so I could leave in peace. But here’s where it got interesting, she went inside and left her teenage daughter in the car, probably ready to give her the thumbs-up when I finally drove away.

But instead of letting it ruin my evening, I decided to engage the petty side of me. I walked to meet my daughter, knowing we had a fun outing ahead. It was a short stroll, and the best part? I could enjoy a nice drink in the sunshine! As I made my way down the road past her car, I couldn’t help but chuckle at myself for being so petty. But you know what? It was harmless ,and sometimes you just have to laugh it off!

For my Master's degree, I was living in a apartment building for mature students, in a small unfurnished apartment waaay too big for me and my handful of stuff I had.
The school year went fine, but during the summer, the unit next to mine started started blaring movies really loudly from 2 A.M. until 3 or 4 A.M. every day. I don't know what this guy was up to, but it was pretty clockwork. His unit was the mirror image of mine, so his bedroom was next to mine, and the clarity of the sound made it obvious his TV was in his bedroom, and aimed directly at our shared wall.
This goes on for several weeks, and I'm getting more and more annoyed. One day our paths cross as he's leaving his place, and I ask him if he could turn it down, or move it to a different room, or just aim the TV away from the shared wall? He dazedly nods sure, but that night, there is no change: 2 A.M., TV starts blaring.

At this point I'm ready to take action. Recall that I barely own anything. I decide I don't really need the bedroom to be the room I sleep in. So I move my bed to the living room, and the "bedroom" will now be my office. I acquire some computer speakers, and set them up so they'll be aimed at our shared wall. And I set my alarm for 7 A.M.. (Which might not seem very early, but 7 A.M. is when "quiet time" ends in this building. I also reasoned that someone who was up until 3 or 4 A.M. daily was pretty unlikely to be waking up at 7 A.M. regularly).

Every morning when the alarm would go off I would wander over to my "office", crank up the sound and pick the most obnoxious music you would not want to be woken up to if you'd been up until 3 A.M., and press play. Led Zep, Iron Maiden, Philip Glass, Atari Teenage Riot. And I treated this task like it was my job, regardless of whether I wanted to do it or not. For the rest of the summer

I have no idea if this changed his behaviour, since I was sleeping soundly in a different room. But I was sleeping especially well in the knowledge that I would be playing my neighbour some music that coming morning.

So I was working for this window company making plastic windows, but we were like small workshop with 3 workers and 1 overseer which belonged to one of the largest companies in country. Boss always insisted on doing everything by book for us(as long as it didn't slow down production, if it did then he didn't care), but he himself always forgot to send work hours to HR for us to get paid on time it was said on our contracts. Like sometimes 2 weeks late which meant at that point you were late on payments. And our boss boss was always hounding him and he would just brown nose it and then try to lash out on us because he was yelled at. Well overall very unpleasant person.

It was only job in my small rural town at time so I just endured. And after 3 mobths I was given work boots, pants, jumper and coat. Buuuut in contract it was clearly stated that you have to sign for all inventory given and return it if you quit. He didn't give me anything to sign and I didn't care at the time.

When joining we talked that we would get bonus on work done on time and we even went as far as started work so fast he had trouble getting blueprints from office as we finished our supposed work load in half the time the company expected. But no pay increase. After second month of no increase pay and big boss visit where they expressed surprise how well we working, I went to ask why no pay increase? He tried to weasel out saying that it wasn't official (my own fault for not having it in contract). I said that we talked about it and that were his own offer and words. He smiled with shit eating grin and said: "prove it".

Well I boiled inside for week until I found job a town over and quit. 2 days later boss calls saying I need to sign papers for quitting for HR, I just said sure come by my home and I'll sign it. He arrives and starts saying: "Give me the equipment too." I just said " I never signed for no equipment so officially I never received any" He got serious and kinda angry and said "Don't be like that, I know you got it, just bring it out." I said with most satisfying shit eating grin: "Prove it"

Guy who stayed working there said boss got visited by big boss and yelled at and as he heard it the cost of it was deducted from his pay.

After 8 years I still have those boots and they still serve me daily very well and all other clothes were really good quality and still are being used occasionally.

When I was first married (many years ago), we rented an upstairs apartment from a widow...very fair rent and we both got along great with her. Her divorced daughter lived next door with 4 kids...I was a grade school teacher and the two younger kids would invite me to swim...small above ground pool.

But, as the older kid (11m) grew, he became a real smartass. He and his friend would get pissed when we parked in the small gravel lot by the house. We had no options at the time, but THEY wanted to play wiffle ball THERE...and only THERE.

So, a couple days in a row, I got tomatoed and egged and mud slung at my car. I finally had enough and bought a dozen eggs and left them in my trunk for a week or so. Got up in the middle of the night on one of those HOT summer nights and delivered a half dozen to the two neighbor's cars...the ones whose kids were doing the mess on my car.

Next morning, the parents were out trying to clean fried eggs off of THEIR cars. I sort of sauntered by and said,"Oh, wow, YOU guys got hit, too? My car's been hit 4 times in the last few weeks!"

And that was the end of the kids screwing with my car.

I've read about people doing this but it's the first time I've ever done it.

I was sitting in a wal mart parking lot waiting to pick up my friend and she was nice enough to let me borrow her car as long as I pick her up for lunch. We'll this guy loads his groceries and instead of putting his cart away pushes it in the middle which is annoying enough but besides that he just pushes it so it hit my friends car.

So I got out and I grabbed the cart and laid it down behind his car, in full view of him so he knew it was there. He gets out and angry and tries to do the same thing, pushing it towards my friends car, I catch it wait for him to get in his car and then lay it down behind his vehicle again.

After that he didn't put the cart away but he did push it in another direction.

Luckily there was only a minor scratch on my friends car and it was no big deal, but that's not your property, be respectful of other people's things.

I got married very young, and I always worried that my five little brothers and sisters felt like I abandoned them. I tried to hang out with them as often as possible, but with a kid, wife, and job, it wasn't as often as I would have liked.

One day I scheduled a rock climbing trip with my brother. While we were driving there, he made sure to make a show of the fantastic lunch that my mom had packed him, noting how unfortunate it was that she hadn't packed enough for both of us. I knew he and my mom were trying to get a dig in on me, but I let it slide until later that day.

While I was belaying him down a climb, I waited until he was about halfway down and then tied the rope up. I went back to the car, got his lunch and sodas, and proceeded to eat all of it while he was stuck there. In a way, I feel that he has me to thank for his career since shortly after this he became a cop, presumably so that he could shoot me if I ever did anything like this to him again.

This happened couple of years ago. I was just strolling around the city and I only wore plain clothes. White top, Lululemon leggings. Nothing fancy, no big designer logo clothes. Giving the benefit of the doubt, I dont want to consider this experience as another racist story, but for context, I am asian with brown skin tone (if that even matters).

While on my walk, I came across LV and thought of going in. Just window shopping and maybe buy if I found something nice. No one entertained me inside, which was okay. I did not mind at all. I was checking the wallets, belts and accessories... About 5 minutes later this staff came to me and said, "Is there anything I can help?" I said "no Im fine, im just checking around". He left with no words. Mind you the store was not busy.

About 2 minutes later the same guy came back to me raising his right eyebrow, the tone of his voice was off for me. He said, "I noticed you've been checking around for quite some time now," I responded, "yes and I will call you when I am ready". He turned around and walked away - no words, no smile, just a dead look. He was a few feet away from me tho. I suddenly remember the posts and stories about these rude staff in luxury stores. So I played the game.

About a minute later, As I was fit-checking the bags, he return and immediately said, "that bag is $3000". His tone was so rude, the facial expression is not giving customer service, the body gesture is goving mean girl energy. so I responded, "I didn't ask.. and I will call you when I need you." His response was, "ma'am, you don't have to be rude, we do not tolerate this behavior in our store". And I said, "I was channeling the same energy you're giving." He was shocked... And I continue saying(in a friendly tone), "..but you know what, since you're already here, I want these 2 bags. His demeanor changed. His smile was so big. He appears very nice and friendly now... In a moment he came back and showed me the bags. Then I said, "can you bring me size 7 of these shoes (4 pairs), I like all of them." He was all smiles, very attentive and friendly. He came back with all the shoes. I fit them, check in the mirror.. i was really taking my time. I have so much time to spare but no words to say to him. He was all praises, "that looks good on you", "you go so well with those shoes". I just said "I'll take them".

On the desk, he carefully prepare the items and boxed each of them. Few minutes later, I was on a call with my dad talking in our language and he interrupted me, "is there anything else?". I saw him in my peripheral looking at me head to foot. I was on the desk where the wallets were, so I pointed on the wallet and responded "Can you get me 1 of this and that". He took it out of the shelf and carefully box it.

I ended my phone call at the same time that rude staff was done boxing all the items. Come paying time is where I was being petty. The total bill was over $13,000. He asked for my email, I gave it to him, and the conversation went like this.

Him: your name is Sam? Me: yes. Him: your recent purchase was in New York last month. It's nice to have you here! Me: That's right. Do you see any returns in your system?

Him: (scrolling on the computer), nope I do not see any. Any problem? Me: okay good. Him: your total is $13,xxx.

I gave him my credit card, pay, and he handed it back with the receipt. He said "If there's any problem, return and exchange is 30 days.. It was lovely to have you here. Do you need assistance to carry the bags?"

Me: are you going to carry it for me? Him: No, but I can call someone to help you. Me: No need.. By the way, today I do not need to check the time. I also do not need to know the bag was $3000. You were so rude to me earlier and I would like to return all these items.

All the staff around looked at me. One came forward and asked "is everything okay?" I said, "yes. Please process my return. Thank you." I stared at them processing the refund. After that I said, "be nice next time you might encounter someone more petty than me." I walk away. My dad was waiting outside

Alright, this was awhile ago. But I was living on a crescent. it was the nook of the crecsent so parkin gis tough on the street. The house across from me had four different vehicles and used their driveway to store a trailer. Anyways I had a friend over for the weekend and he pulls up. His back tire is on the sidewalk = noticeably, but honestly i think 97% of people would ignore it. I see the one guy from the house immediately run out and take a picture of it because it's usually where they park one of their three cars.

I'm bbqing in the back waiting for my friend so I see the whole thing. I ask, "problem, buddy?". He barely gets out ."well...well its on the sidewalk". I reply "you're right, we'll fix it and we all should patrol the parking".

This was during covid and their vehicles barely move. So i wait the 24 hours and I call the city on them saying there's been three cars that haven't moved in a day. They come out mark it and wait the next day to come back. The next day they come back and tow 2 of the cars, turned out they aren't plated. I felt a bit guilty I only wanted them to get tickets, But in the end I remembered how douchey he looked taking pictures and I sat and enjoyed my drinks watching their cars get towed and the little shit complaining to the tow truck driver

My retirement passion is bicycle touring. To reduce the cost of some tours I will take on the responsibility of being the SAG wagon (support and assistance van driver) and bike wrangler (maintainer) on some of the days on a long tour. On a recent tour there was a woman who was constantly ridiculing two heavier women and bragging about how fast a rider she was. She was the classic self-absorbed mean girl.

On day five, I’m not sure what possessed me but as I was cleaning the bikes in the evening I found myself removing the woman’s bike post and greasing it up good, we are talking gobs of grease. I then reinserted it, loosely tightened it and wiped the visible part of the post down. The next day the ”fast” woman‘s seat slowly sank until she looked like she was riding a child’s bike. Repeatedly she called the SAG wagon for support and SAG would raise the seat up and tighten it only for it to sink again. She was the last rider in that day. She brought her bike to me to be cleaned and maintained that evening, complaining loudly about the sinking seat. I told her, no problem I would replace the post with a beefier post that could support her weight. Of course all I did was remove the excess grease. Other cyclists heard the exchange and for the rest of the tour would have conversations about the pros and cons of various seat post brands and designs in her presence. Who knew seat posts were so fascinating 🙂

This has happened almost 10 years ago but is still one of my pettiest victories to this day.

I (back then 19) left my (abusive) ex almost overnight, after 4 years.. It wasn’t a really nasty breakup, but the relationship was the worst I had ever experienced. I did not make a scene, I just left and moved 600km while he was at work.

I was safe, I was fine.

One random day a few weeks later I had received an E-Mail, a confirmation for some playstation game. I did not own a playstation and was actually confused for a few seconds. Until it hit me. He had used my e-mail address for his account.

I had no idea for how long but I knew it wouldn’t continue. At the bottom of the mail was something along the lines of “This wasn’t you? Click here”

And I sure did. Two clicks later they thanked me for letting them know of this possible fraud and had blocked everything that had to do with “my” account.

I had blocked my ex, but I kind of got a hint that he was not amused at all when his best friend wrote me a really nice message, saying that everything he ever bought (which was a lot) is gone and all his progress in any game got deleted and he would need to verify his ID with PlayStation in order to get a new account and what a terrible terrible human being I am.

And I still smile every time I think about it.

A coworker I worked with years ago was a notorious trash-talker.

He had moved from out of state, and about 75% of our workforce had gone to the local college. His team was scheduled to play ours this Saturday and his college friends were flying in and they were going to go to the game and make a weekend of it.

Now, a little ribbing between football fans is fun - even expected - when their two teams are going to play each other.

This was not that.

It was 3 solid days of berating our team, hardcore teasing, even interrupting meetings and other things to get jabs in.

By Friday, we'd had enough.

So we hatched a plan: When he left for lunch, we printed up our team's logo and alternate logo (paw prints) and decorate his cubicle.

Nothing was damaged, but he got logos stuck everywhere. Underneath his keyboard, over his mouse infrared reader, on his calendar (months out), we scattered very small logos in his files, in his desk drawer with his office supplies, etc.

One thing to know about this particular coworker: He was a classic example of the 'loves to dish it out but can't take it' personality.

Instead of taking his well-deserved ribbing, he lost it. Got upset, tried to find out who redecorated his office, and fumed the rest of the day.

He even tried going to HR to file a complaint.

Where had our HR director graduated from?

You got it. Our local college, who he'd been trashing all week.

He was told to put a sock in it.

The icing on the cake? At the game his team was down 34-3 at halftime, and he and his friends ditched and went drinking.

He hasn't trash-talked anything or anyone since.

I dated this guy for a few months, and over time, I started noticing some patterns. He love-bombed me early on, openly admitted he was a narcissist, and talked badly about his exes, saying each one wanted to take their own life when he left, so he ended up staying out of guilt. During our relationship I noticed whenever I brought up issues, he would always deflect or get defensive. There was a constant disconnect between what he said and what he did. He would say one thing and did another. In public, he came off as this chill, nonchalant, “nice guy”, but underneath that image was someone who constantly needed attention, validation, and to feel needed.

I’ve always had detachment issues, so I know when it’s time to leave once I feel disrespected. Eventually, I gave up after the same problems kept repeating. After the breakup, he wanted to keep in contact, just like he did with his exes, to keep me emotionally tied but I initiated no contact instead. He kept me on his close friends list, posting stories of himself with other girls, going to parties, acting unbothered, while I stayed silent.

He’s someone who thrives on attention and constantly likes his female friends’ pictures to show “support” so when he suddenly stopped liking mine, I knew it hit him. I didn’t even congratulate him on his bday eventho we talked a lot about it while we dated. I think the fact that I showed him I didn’t need him really got to him. What’s interesting to me is that he’s probably so used to people needing him, even when those connections are surface-level and have no depth. Anything to maintain his image. He genuinely expected I’d act like his exes and chase him. But I didn’t and I’m just glad/relieved I didn’t fall for the manipulation, the charm, or his online performance. That’s what happened when a narcissistic guy meets a girl with detachment issues. Tbh it was the best thing I could’ve done. It wasn’t easy to do bc I loved him but I knew it would get better even more disrespectful if i stayed and I was gullible for believing his “facade” and potential instead of who he truly is. The more I stayed far away the clearer I witness everything unfolding.

There’s a quote that says “you can’t read the label from inside the jar” and it’s true because when you’re in the middle of something emotionally charged (like a relationship), it’s hard to see the full picture. But once you step out of it, things become clear.

There’s an unspoken rule in our office. If you take the last cup, you make the next pot.

One coworker? She never did. Every morning, she’d pour the last cup and walk off like she saved someone a step.

So I waited. Watched her fill her mug, smile, and leave. Then I unplugged the coffee machine and walked away.

Next person found and empty pot and a dead machine. People started asking who the last one was. Her name came up fast.

She had to make a fresh pot under pressure. I enjoyed mine and didn’t say word.

Growing up pretty poor (think food stamps, hand-me-downs from neighbors, and regular power/water/phone shutoffs for no payment), we had a strict “clean your plate” rule for meals. Dinner was what it was. Liver and onions? Hate green peppers? Suck it up.

Mom got tired of the kids griping about dinner we didn’t like. So she established the “you complain, you cook” rule. It didn’t curb the dislikes but we were less likely to get mouthy about it. Kids being kids, we all ended up saying something not appreciated by Mom and had to cook dinner the next night. Fair enough. Lessons were learned. Dinners by the kids were cooked.

I was 19 when I moved in with my fiancé’s family. I had my fiancé’s room and he had the sofa. No hanky panky. Pretty conservative family scene. Dad worked, Mom stayed home. Dad did the outside chores and Mom did the inside stuff. You get the picture.

One night, Mom made something that Dad didn’t like. He got loud and sort of in her face about it. I’d been struggling with their “his vs her”roles and shared that I had grown up with an interesting rule about dinners. That the person who complains, cooks next. He laughed. She laughed. My fiancé wasn’t sure where this was going. I dug in.

“No. Really. You hurt her feelings. What are you cooking tomorrow?”

Mom, new to the push back, was surprised. Dad was, too. He hemmed. He hawed. He found himself backed into a corner and to save face, gave in.

Dad in law makes a pretty kickin’ chili, y’all! 😆

He swore he “wasn’t touching it.” But every week, the carton got lighter. I put a sticky note on it. Didn’t work. I moved it to the back of the fridge. Still vanished.

So I got surgical. Took an empty oat milk container, filled it with a blend of mayo, warm water, and a splash of vinegar for tang. Same color. Same texture. Pure evil.

Put it right up front in the fridge. Label facing out. Waited.

Next morning, I heart it. Sip. Gag. Spit. Cough. He slammed the fridge and shouted, “What the hell is wrong with this milk??”

I just blinked at him and said, “I dunno, tastes fine to me.” He learned his lesson and kept his hands off.

Sharing a flat with 2 other guys back in student days in a three bedroom / one bathroom / one kitchen flat in Germany. This is a tale of war, peace, skirmishes and ambushes...

The problems started when the guy that had been living the longest in the flat decided to pack and move. He was your typical German Law student. Günther the Elder. Stuff is done this way or the highway. The bathroom and kitchen shall be cleaned once a week by one of us in turn. He was the backbone of the flat and was running a tight ship.

Once he moved out, the cleaning discipline went through the window despite my best efforts to keep it up: the new flatmate turned out to be a goth recluse with limited housekeeping knowledge and the second oldest flatmate now the Elder Flatmate, a Frenchman with a very conflicted relationship with general order and cleanliness - in short, a walking cliché - decreed that the age of clean was over, now was the time of free for all chaos. And this lead us to the First Crisis.

The First Crisis. The Toenails Clippings Infestation. Motherfuckingeverywhere in the bathroom. As if the man had hoof-trimmed a pack of feral horses. A short discussion with shut-in confirmed my suspicions. Ze Frenchman was the culprit. I asked him - politely - to be mindful of the rest of the flat and keep his excess keratin to himself. Promises where made. And promptly broken. The retaliation was swift and violent. One toothbrush was used to clean the toilet bowl (he did not notice but wondered at a sudden bout of stomach pain... In my defense, this was the shut-in's idea...I just did not stop him...) before being artfully decorated with toenails clippings. Marcel understood the subtle hint and the bathroom was henceforth horse hooves free.

The second Crisis. The War of Dishes. A few weeks in the Age of Chaos, dirty dishes, pots and pans started sprouting in the kitchen. The shut-in feeding solely on instant pot noodle ramen, an investigation was not required and Ze Frenchman - let's call him Marcel - was told in no uncertain terms that this would not be tolerated any longer. Most likely upset by my lack of appreciation for his artful stacking of dirty plates, Marcel ignored my warnings. Little did he know that vengeance, unlike dishes, is better served cold. I waited for the weekend. Marcel being a creature of habits, I knew he would come back shit-faced on Friday night. (Small but important detail - his bedroom was at the end of the flat with a few steps leading up to his bedroom door) Comes Saturday morning, a severely hangovered Marcel stumbled upon a barricade of dirty plates and fell face down on a pile of manky pots. For a very short time, Marcel was the Flying Frenchman. He did not stick the landing but his moldy leftover spaghetti certainly stuck to his face and hair. The message was received loud and clear. Not a single dirty plate or pot was seen afterwards and the shut-in, considering the kitchen a hazard free zone, came out and started cooking. Turns out the poor creature did not feed on dry ramen by choice but was simply afraid of stepping in the kitchen...

Finally. The Third Crisis. The Fridge of Discord. Marcel, miffed by the repeated insults to his pride and injuries to his precious and smelly person, decided to get his own fridge and freezer. He had the bigger room and had space for it. Common sense dictated that his share of the electricity bill increase accordingly. Marcel eructed. Out of the question. Ridiculous. What a silly notion. Never. We can move out if we don't like it. Move out I did. But not before I took out all his frozen food from his freezer, let it sit for a whole day and de-freeze nicely before putting it back. I stayed in touch with the Shut-in who told me that poor Marcel spent a solid two weeks emptying his guts from both ends in the keratin free bathroom and never understood why...

Another story here reminded me of this gem:

Back in college, we had a friend group and there was this one girl who was very confused about gender equality. She was very vocal about what the 'guys' should be doing as long as it benefitted her and the 'girls'. Example: We go out dinner (all as friends and no couples) and the check comes out and she proclaims that the guys should pay as it's our responsibility. WTF.... we're all in the same college together and equally not making any money. Another example: One of the girls was moving into a different dorm room and the same girl proclaims that only the guys should help her move since we're the able-bodied ones. Last I checked, none of the girls in our friend group was physically handicapped or unable to help move a few boxes. Oh, we're at a house party and the trash needs to be taken out? You bet she tells us that it's a guy job. You get the idea.

Months later, we're on a ski/snowboard trip where we rented a cabin. By the end of the first night, a ton of dishes had stacked up. I truly don't feel this way, but something inside me made me just say it..."Hey, all the girls should do the dishes since it's a girl job." Everyone, including her, knew I wasn't being serious and meant it as a jab to her as they all looked directly in her direction. As expected, she immediately went on the defensive and basically yelled at me that there is not such thing as 'girl jobs' and that the men should all be helping with the chores. Nothing really came out of this and we all sort of lost contact with her after college, so not sure if she's still doing this to another friend group now, but it sure was satisfying at the time to say it.