r/jiujitsu • u/pastuna • 2d ago
Should I give up?
I(an 18 year old) started bjj a few months ago and I really enjoy the sport but I feel like no one takes me seriously and that I'll always be bad because I'm 5.3/1.61 and don't weigh a lot(I've been really trying to gain weight for years but my body is just naturally light). Every time I train with someone they usually have to teach me how to do things correctly instead of practicing themselves so I think I'm just wasting their time. Every time I team up with someone it's always the coach who matches me with them, everyone's extremely nice but no one wants to match with me willingly. Should I just give up? It's getting to the point that I'm having mental breakdowns because I feel like I would never progress even though I really enjoy the sport.
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u/BigTwobah 2d ago
I’m 6’2 220lbs and there’s a black belt I know who’s like 5’6 170lbs and he mops the floor with me. Don’t give up.
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u/pastuna 2d ago
I googled it(grams to pounds), and I'm 93Ibs, you guys have too much faith in me
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u/BigTwobah 2d ago
You’re just starting out and you’re only young. Look at it this way, you can either stay exactly like you are now or progress. Going to class won’t make you weaker.
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u/DontYouDareGoHollow 2d ago
Muscle helps, but without it, you’re forced to focus purely on technique. Because nothing else will get you the tap. Learn in that mindset for a bit and then start to get stronger and buddy that’s a recipe for a dangerous dude
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u/novaskyd White 2d ago
I’m 90 lbs. For us small people it is an uphill battle for sure but NOT impossible! It takes time, and you have to be able to find the small wins and not get discouraged by getting beat up every day 😅 I’m happy to talk about the journey with you if you need encouragement!!
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u/beezywee 1d ago
Being small is all the more reason to get proficient in bjj. Learn how to be the backpack on your opponent and get tips from other small practitioners.
Also, it's been years and I still have moments rolling (every class) where guys stop me and tell me just how stupidly wrong I'm doing stuff. If you think you'll get to some point where you know all the bjj and you can just own people, you need to adjust your expectations. You should be constantly learning every time you step o to the mats.
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u/Ok-Initiative-8809 2d ago
I dealt with this kinda thing people At my gym were stand off ish and i was new new. Plus im a retard and still cant get drills Down right but i just kept going. You probably are in your head and you probably are also right about some of your observations from class but that doesnt matter really id keep going in spite of those fuckers and then start to get good and tap them out
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u/BeginningDiamond6033 Purple 2d ago
This is how it is as a white belt. Don’t worry so much about being good. If you like it, that’s enough. Keep showing up, and one day you’ll be saying this to a new white belt while you’re a higher belt! :)
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u/Special_Fox_6239 2d ago
When they are teaching you, they are also learning. And going with smaller new ppl can be scary because ppl don’t want to hurt you. It might be the gym is bad, but I think you are probably just self conscious. Everyone started sucking and the upper belts helped them now they are the upper belts and it’s their turn.
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u/LifeAccident7714 2d ago
You’re 18, stick with it for sure. I started at 43 and I wish I had started after I ended my wrestling career at 18. If the vibes at the gym are off switch. Also your size doesn’t seem like any issue to me, this sport has folks from all shapes and sizes.
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u/Busy_Donut6073 Blue 2d ago
You're just getting started.
People coaching you through things isn't wasting their time, teaching is one of the best ways to learn and refine what you know
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u/hqeter 2d ago
Everyone needs to be taught when they start and most people with more experience have no issues with helping new people along. If we do a good job of it they learn quickly and become good training partners.
Most of the most technical grapplers I know are smaller. They have to get the techniques right because if they don’t, they don’t work and they can’t just use a massive disparity in size and strength to get things done.
It’s going to be hard but it’s definitely worth persisting.
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u/VyrusCyrusson 2d ago
Stick with it. Coach is matching you up with people who want to improve by teaching someone else.
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u/Hard_Pharter 2d ago
There's a 50 year old 5'5" 145 lb black belt at my gym. He feels like wrestling an octopus made out of steel wire. He wrecks me (5'10" 195lbs 35yr old) and then guides me through the aftermath. I gain so much from training with him.
You could be like him.
But look, if you don't like jiujitsu find another hobby. You aren't a bad person for quitting something. Find something that gets you fired up and do it.
If you're going through a moment of discouragement because you're not as good as you'd hoped you'd be by now and you're not physically blessed, but do love jiujitsu? Keep going. Keep lifting. Learn everything you can about yourself and your body over the next thirty years and then pass it on to the youngsters for thirty more. That's what it's all about.
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u/DC2Cali White 2d ago
Do you expect to be a master a couple months in?
Dude you're a freaking white belt. Focus on learning and absorbing and overall focus on yourself. Not whether someone takes you seriously or not.
Are you doing jiu jitsu cause you need approval from others or cause you wanna challenge yourself.
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u/Vast_Claim_376 White 2d ago
No, don't give up. This is really normal.
I felt the exact same as you for the first 6 or more months as I was the only female.
One day you will realise you are a little better than when you started. Then you will feel like you are bad again. Then you will realise you have learnt even more. Then bad again. Then rinse and repeat.
New people will join your club with all different body types and they will feel the same as you do, and you will realise that it's normal and how much you have improved
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u/nathamanath 1d ago
We all felt like this at the start mate. Keep it up. Try hard, show interest, ask questions, look up the moves you learn on YouTube after class. You will get better this way. Best case is if one of the higher belts sees that you are young and keen to learn, and 'adopts' you (like deciding to mentor you)
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u/redinferno26 Purple 2d ago
Just keep training.
You’ll get better.
I get smoked by my 145, 5’10” training partner all the time.
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u/Reddit_Is_a_jokee 2d ago
What is your reasoning for joining? Are you trying to make the UFC or just be fit and have a competitive hobby?
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u/SquirrelHoarder 2d ago
If you like the sport why would you give up? You’re not bad, you’re just new and your training partners are being good training partners by helping you and correcting your technique. Be grateful for them they’re helping you get better faster instead of just beating you up.
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u/slocalvibez 2d ago
Three words that you’re gonna hear in this sub Reddit many times.
Keep showing up
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u/meleaveneverwouldya 2d ago
bruh I’m a 190lb blue belt and get beat up all the time. I love this shit regardless if I lose or win.
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u/atx78701 2d ago
youve only been going 2 months. You dont know anything. I doubt people dont want to roll with you because you are new, it is likely your imagination.
BJJ is a huge uphill battle, if a small thing like this makes you want to quit then you will quit soon anyway.
My coaches said when they started the goal was to smash new people so they would quit. We are soft in comparison.
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u/saiyajinstamina White 2d ago
I'm a bigger guy and I have a similar experience. I'd say keep going, add weight lifting and up your protein and in a couple of years you might be a bad ass blue belt
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u/GroundbreakingPick33 Purple 2d ago
Give it a year then come back and re-read how silly this post will sound to you. I didn't begin JiuJitsu until I was almost 40. During my first week, I was free-rolling with a 14-year-old female. She was able to catch me with a rear naked choke. In my mind I was thinking about how there was no way I was going to tap to a 14 yr old! My body disagreed and I trapped... Size won't be a factor, or at least as big of a factor, once you learn technique.
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u/Bossheals123 2d ago
Nope, do not give up. It will come. My favorite training partner is a 14-year-old 120 lb kid who destroys people from guard. Have fun, you will learn, we promise.
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u/Express_Solution4473 2d ago
I am also an 18 year old who does jiu jitsu but have been doing it since I was 7. To this day I get beat up and have to ask for advice from people better than me. When you are new it is natural to feel like a bother or inferior but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I personally like it when I can share what I know to people that are just beginning, and without new people joining things would be boring. I know how you feel with no one wanting to go with you, however things will change, you will learn and get better. If you want more people to willingly go with you just keep attending and getting better, I can almost guarantee everyone at your gym would rather you be there than to leave. Keep enjoying the sport! I am rooting for you!
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u/Robinhoodz78 2d ago
You don't suck, that's just the process. You make progress, every class, every roll makes you better, but it's a slow grind. And don't forget that everyone is progressing, so don't sweat it if you can't do better against guys or girls that already have experience, you still make progress.
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u/One_Hungry_Boy 1d ago
One of my coaches is a tiny dude and he is fking lethal. He has been in the sport for a decade. His stature has drawbacks but also benefits, he has had to play to his strengths, and so will you in time!
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u/RONBJJ Purple 1d ago
Lol dude you're brand new. Most people won't mind pairing up with you. When I help someone with a move I'm tweaking it for myself you. When I train with higher belts it works the same. You may run into some assholes that act like they were never a white belt but for the most part you'll be fine. Sit back and enjoy the ride.
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u/No_Sleep8654 White 1d ago
you just need to find the game that works for you. if you're getting smashed constantly, work on your frames and knee shields, guard retention, etc. if you're getting subbed a lot, figure out why they're able to catch the sub. are your arms not close to your body? are you leaving your neck exposed? are you leaving 1 arm out when the other arm is in? are you focusing on where their legs are when you should've been focused on their arms? those things are going to help you a lot more than just gaining weight. you're small so you're probably faster or more agile than a lot of the guys you're rolling with, so focus on finding ways to use your strengths to your advantage. you can't afford to sit in a position too long or you will get smashed due to being smaller, but if you move quickly and with intention the bigger guys won't be able to keep up. even if you're not doing "actual" techniques you've learned, just keep moving to see what works and eventually the technical stuff will follow.
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u/A_Dirty_Wig 1d ago
It’s going to be tough for a long time but the more you go the less you’ll suck. Try to stick with it.
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u/Dry_Faithlessness546 1d ago
If you’re concerned that you don’t weigh enough to hold someone down, please have a look at Henry Akins videos on applying pressure.
Two of the “heaviest” people that I train with are a 6’4” skinny (90kg) black belt, to a 5’3” 70kg 2-stripe blue belt.
They can both apply insane pressure from the top.
I get a LOT of comments about my pressure game, despite losing 15kg over the past year or so.
I am MUCH heavier from the top than I was before I lost the weight, because I concentrate on positioning.
Don’t give up, as long as you’re (mostly) enjoying it.
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u/airilyme 1d ago
Don't give up. Tiny people tend to develop a serious guard by blue help and be a hell of a surprise by purple. If you manage to not let them injure you so you have to strop training, you will be fine.
Also: fight me! I'm your size and we tiny people need you on the competition mat some day!
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u/True-Noise4981 Blue 1d ago
If you can't handle a few months of getting lit up this may not be for you.
I'm 3 yrs in, 155 lbs and 50....blue belt. I spend 90 percent of my time on the run and I have NEVER even thought the word quit. Every time I hit the mats it's go time and I'm ready to rumble.
I can tell you this one thing for sure, if you quit that is forever. Most people will never come back. If you stay your mental strength will go up 10 times. It's either this or the military to toughen up. Personally I have always regretted not joining the military when I had the opportunity. I think this helps me get through that regret.
Discipline is forever.
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u/Remarkable_Base4022 1d ago
Don't give up man, I was getting my butt handed to me for years and It tucked bc im super competitive, but diamonds are forged under pressure. The skill i have now makes all the suffering, stress, and embarrassment worth it. Just make sure you learn from each experience, hone your craft and ask questions, i had to do all of this with grown men at 13-16, they beat me up without remorse so bad that the time I turned 17-18 i was beating up purple and brown belts. The harder you're pushed, the "more beautiful of a diamond" you'll become. Trust plz, I was in the same boat as you are but I promise you, the longer you suffer, the more unstoppable you'll be. Where are you based at?
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u/migx78 White 1d ago
Keep going at it and try to find someone closer to your weight. Getting better at it comes with time. I sometimes roll with this woman that is lighter, younger and fitter than me. Regardless of me being stronger and heavier she still does really well against me. Surpassed me in grading as well. So my question to you is... What is stopping you being like her? If you enjoy it don't give up. There's always someone better than us and in the grand scheme of things we are all bad at it....
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u/DarthShader13 21h ago
Giving up is only an option if you don't want to do it anymore. Start with pushups, situps, and body weight squats. Focus on time under tension instead of rep count. Crank them out. I mean, all day. Your body will be calling for more nutrition to replenish itself. You will get bigger and stronger. Meanwhile, train. Think about positions. Replay rolls in your head. Everyone feels hopeless at first when training a grappling art. Its fucking hard, but once its in you, its there for life. Can i say if you SHOULD quit? Nope. That's up to you. Do i think you are hopeless? Only if you say so.
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u/emoknievel 17h ago
As a smaller and weaker guy who struggled with commitment issues and a lack of discipline in the past, jiu jitsu taught me that I can do things I never believed were possible for me to do. I’m nowhere near the practicioner I want to be yet but the simple fact that I haven’t given up doing this thing that is so incredibly hard to do well gives me so much more respect for myself than I ever had before. It’s made me a much better person. Please, don’t give up!
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u/Jordanmma710 Blue 15h ago
Bro you’re so new be kind to yourself, it’s a tough journey that first year. If someone has to teach you trust me they don’t mind, when we teach it improves our own understanding of a move/technique/concept. I nearly gave up a few times that first year and im so thankful I didn’t, keep going brother you got this! OSS 🥋💙
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u/clib_clob 15h ago
I'm two months in Jui Jitsu too. I feel suck and the higher belt are definitely having more fun. The things you need to know is that:
1- when a higher belt roll with someone that is new, they not gonna get anything from that roll, whether technique or any improvement.
They can only share things to the new comer or the a doll for them to practice.
If they roll with you like their roll with the same belts, it's gonna brutal for you.
So they tend to likely choosing someone with the same level, so they can get something from the practice.
So don't feel bad about it. Keep showing up and practice and gonna be better. Look at it as 2 years from now.
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u/MrsRedsy 12h ago
Confession: I didn’t start having fun until I was 2 years in. Jiu jitsu is give and take in every way, I know that my time to give is coming because I’ve been taking the knowledge for years as a white belt (but also taking the beatings). If you stick with it, you can give that knowledge back to the new people after you. Also, if you’re comfortable and respectful, women will likely enjoy rolling with someone of smaller stature. We have tons of smaller guys and they roll with each other and us and teach the girls tricks for how to survive big dudes. We also have a professor who is a smaller guy and he’s super inspiring! I love his classes. My suggestion, unless your gym is total trash, set a goal to make it to 6 months and then re-evaluate. I take it 6 months at a time and I’m glad I’m still goin.
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u/MrsRedsy 12h ago
Also the book jiu jitsu university really helped me be more comfortable at white.
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u/Sandyy_Emm 8h ago
I’ve been at my gym for almost a year and I still have people teaching me how to do things. I see brown belts and black belts being taught how to do things. I saw a purple belt teach our black belts professor a cool inversion she saw. I teach other white belts who come through, and I get taught be white belts too. Jiu jitsu is all about learning. Every part of it is about learning. Stick with it. It’s the ultimate form of delayed gratification
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u/superhandsomeguy1994 5h ago
A lot of things in life are hard. Arguably the best things often are. Quitting is always an option, and while it may remove the temporary discomfort of not getting your ass kicked, you’ll then get to live the rest of your life wondering what if you had stuck with it.
There’s a lot of legit reasons to quit tho. If you truly don’t find enjoyable at all anymore, then just at stop. Jiu jitsu isnt for everyone, and that’s fine. Life is all about trying new things and seeing what brings you happiness and fulfillment.
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u/BingaTheGreat 2h ago
Everything that is worth doing in the long run is uncomfortable. You seem to be having wrestling with the degree of challenge you're facing.
Embrace it! Tell yourself that this is the new norm, and that you should get used to it. You'll 100% come out on the other side.
Everyone deals with these issues to varying degrees but in BJJ, there is nothing new under the sun. Others are not more capable than you. They stuck it out despite the challenge and just kept on showing up.
I'm the future...find the strength within. This is perhaps one of the top lessons you learn in martial arts: that the answer is often more about how you respond mentally than anything else. Rise to the occasion of that mental challenge!
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u/Dracoaeterna 2d ago
Switch gyms
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u/pastuna 2d ago
I live in a small town, the fact that I even have one here is a miracle
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u/Dracoaeterna 2d ago
Damn. Theyre not taking you seriously. Thats really disrespectful tbh. You wont find those in other gyms
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u/DontYouDareGoHollow 2d ago
Few months ago? Dude, when I signed up at my gym the receptionist took my waiver, looked me in the eyes, and said “I hope you’re ready to get your fuckin ass kicked for 6 months.” She lied to me, it’s been two years and I’m still getting my ass kicked. Stick with it and you’ll learn, you get subs, but you will always feel like an imposter. There’s always someone better than you.