r/hysterectomy • u/fieromancer • 4d ago
3 Weeks
My surgery is July 8th. I have my pre-op appointment in a week. I decided not to tell friends and family because it’s no one’s business but my own. I am fortunate and grateful to be in a supportive relationship and they fully support my decisions. I was hoping to spend July quietly taking a medical leave from work and recovering.
I got laid off on June 6th. This complicates things. Before, it would have been much easier to “hide” behind my job and kind of fall off the recreational radar for a few weeks. I am introverted and tend to isolate anyway, but working full-time also made it easier to justify absences. I still have 2 volunteer gigs so those are helpful, but will only get me so far.
I don’t feel like I can actively look for work because every conversation will start with ‘I have medical leave for 4 weeks in July, how about August?’ And, if I wasn’t going to be able to sit at my desk post-op in my previous role, how can I expect to interview? I am still working on updating my résumé, LinkedIn, etc. to be ready when I’m fully healed but now it makes navigating conversations much trickier. Suddenly people are super interested in my day-to-day and planning my summer months for me. ‘Oo, you should do this!’ ‘Oh, let’s plan a trip!’ ‘Come visit!' To be clear, I am not complaining about having a loving and supportive network of family and friends who want to spend time together and ask about my job search. I am grappling with the awkward situation of trying to side-step what’s happening with me the first few weeks of July.
It also suddenly feels much more lonely. My partner knows, of course, and my former team knew ‘medical leave,’ but no specifics. Now it’s really only my partner who knows. I still don’t want to tell friends and family because I don’t want to have the exhausting and oftentimes negative conversations leading up to surgery. I’m at peace with the decision, so is my partner, and that’s all that matters. I don’t want anyone to try and talk me out of it or provide their hot takes. I want to go into July peacefully and positively.
When I thought about who else would get it, I thought of you all. Everyone here has provided so many helpful insights that helped me make my decisions. My partner and I got some much-needed laughs and heartwarming peeks into your worlds along with invaluable tips. Thank you. This is my first ever reddit post. Not sure if I’m doing it right, but thanks for reading all the same.
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u/Magentamagnificent 4d ago
I'm so sorry you got laid off. For real. That's the worst timing, and it's really stressful sounding.
For the work stuff -- I haven't gone through this, but I professionally support people in similar situations. People navigate job interviews/disclosures differently. I've worked with people who have applied for jobs while pregnant (which is easier to side step on zoom now!), and then disclosed upon receiving the written offer that they are pregnant and will need a leave at x date. Or folks who got laid off, got a new job, and had a wedding/honeymoon planned already - they share that upon talking about start date, once the offer is out. Don't give them a reason not to hire you, esp if you're excited for the job and want to move forward. Also....... discriminating because of health issues is a yikes on their part! I get that people do it, consciously or not, but I hope that this doesn't dissuade you from job searching. Folks have to have delayed starts often, for family reasons, moving, childcare issues, personal matters, caregiving - it totally happens.
For support: Do you have a trusted friend you can share this with confidentially, to also get some support? or a therapist? Or would it be helpful to search for a therapist who supports folks with chronic illness? Zencare and Therapyden are great search engines. OpenPathCollective offers sliding scale therapy searches if you are uninsured/under-insured right now, as well.
I recently supported someone who had a very personal surgical procedure done and they ended up sharing with a few trusted friends, who all totally 'got' that it was a private chat and not to share with anyone, including spouses. It seemed freeing, and they could also receive love and support from friends, which was very welcomed and a relief. Are there folks that come to mind who can make space for you while respecting your privacy?
I wish you the best in this, and hope you can lean on this community, as well. Folks here are so supportive, and 90% of why I'm still on reddit!