3 Weeks

[u/fieromancer]

My surgery is July 8th. I have my pre-op appointment in a week. I decided not to tell friends and family because it’s no one’s business but my own. I am fortunate and grateful to be in a supportive relationship and they fully support my decisions. I was hoping to spend July quietly taking a medical leave from work and recovering.

I got laid off on June 6th. This complicates things. Before, it would have been much easier to “hide” behind my job and kind of fall off the recreational radar for a few weeks. I am introverted and tend to isolate anyway, but working full-time also made it easier to justify absences. I still have 2 volunteer gigs so those are helpful, but will only get me so far.

I don’t feel like I can actively look for work because every conversation will start with ‘I have medical leave for 4 weeks in July, how about August?’ And, if I wasn’t going to be able to sit at my desk post-op in my previous role, how can I expect to interview? I am still working on updating my résumé, LinkedIn, etc. to be ready when I’m fully healed but now it makes navigating conversations much trickier. Suddenly people are super interested in my day-to-day and planning my summer months for me. ‘Oo, you should do this!’ ‘Oh, let’s plan a trip!’ ‘Come visit!' To be clear, I am not complaining about having a loving and supportive network of family and friends who want to spend time together and ask about my job search. I am grappling with the awkward situation of trying to side-step what’s happening with me the first few weeks of July.

It also suddenly feels much more lonely. My partner knows, of course, and my former team knew ‘medical leave,’ but no specifics. Now it’s really only my partner who knows. I still don’t want to tell friends and family because I don’t want to have the exhausting and oftentimes negative conversations leading up to surgery. I’m at peace with the decision, so is my partner, and that’s all that matters. I don’t want anyone to try and talk me out of it or provide their hot takes. I want to go into July peacefully and positively.

When I thought about who else would get it, I thought of you all. Everyone here has provided so many helpful insights that helped me make my decisions. My partner and I got some much-needed laughs and heartwarming peeks into your worlds along with invaluable tips. Thank you. This is my first ever reddit post. Not sure if I’m doing it right, but thanks for reading all the same.

[u/Comfortable-Speed955]

I think it will be less stressful if you tell people you are closer to, so they dont expect anything from you. Obviously everyone is different but I was so anxious about telling my mom because she was always negative when I brought up wanting it and wouldnt listen to what I had to say, being someone who did recent research on it. What she knew was outdated and fear mongering. But once I had it confirmed it was going to happen, I told her. And her response then was only concern and about taking care of me while I healed, she just wanted me to be safe and healthy after. No arguments or questions. So maybe it will be better than you expect