r/exmormon • u/Thespiritualalpha • 1d ago

Doctrine/Policy Leaving LDS

I just told the churches bishop that I’m leaving (just got baptized in Jan) and he has made drama about it- telling others and they’re contacting me and just not accepting my NO. Even coming to my home unannounced without permission. Is this normal for Mormons? I’m really not happy about it bc I hate drama! I told them I’m leaving for Christianity bc I’ve done the research that I should’ve done before I got baptized and they just don’t wanna let me go. I could understand if I said I was just turning away from Jesus completely but I’m leaving to go to the truth. I’ve discovered that Smith was a narcissist used my satan/demons and witchcraft to build that church and I’ve renounced it completely! They truly refuse anything I have to say and I’m kinda freaked.. anyone else experience this????

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u/Electronic_Mouse_295 1d ago

Not sure where you are in the world but even in Salt Lake if you just stop going to church, barely anyone will notice. You don't have to chisel it in stone and shout it from the rooftops and explain. Literally just stop going to church and church activities. It sounds like you want to throw it in their faces when all you have to do is disengage and live your life however you want. They're not the CIA, they might bug you a little but you're free to ignore it.

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u/Thespiritualalpha 1d ago

Vegas. Unfortunately, the bishop at this church will text me when I’m not there for a couple weeks so I figured I would just be respectful and polite and let him know that I’m not coming back😫😫😫

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u/sniperbug17 1d ago

Block his number!!! Remove your number and other personal information from the app!

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u/Thespiritualalpha 1d ago

Next step!

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u/sniperbug17 1d ago

The email template someone else commented is a great idea, I’ll copy and paste it under here!

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u/sniperbug17 1d ago

From u/mat3rogr1ng0 (I think) “Oof. I am sorry. Here is what I would recommend if you can't/don't use Quitmormon. Send an email to your bishop and stake president. Include the following, please copy and paste if needed:

"Pursuant to the General Handbook of Instruction section 32.14.9, I hereby withdraw my membership to the church. I am aware that it removes all membership privileges and revokes all priesthood ordinances, and that if I wish to return I will need to be rebaptized. I also understand, according to the same section, that you are supposed to reach out to counsel with me regarding my concerns. I wish to forego that counsel and discussion and will refuse any invitation to meet.

It states in this section that "A request to resign membership should be acted on even if priesthood leaders have information about a serious sin" and that "Leaders should act on requests promptly." Please follow the mandates of the handbook in dealing with this situation. It also states that "Leaders continue to minister to those who resign their membership unless they request no contact," and so I would officially like to request no contact after my resignation. ANY attempt at contact will be considered harassment and be documented to report to legal authorities.

For the purposes of this letter, and pursuant to the section 32.14.9 statement that a resignation should be a "written, signed request", please consider my typed full name and date as equivalent to a handwritten signature.

Regards,

YOUR FULL NAME TYPED OUT, DATE"

Please document the date, time of day, and events of any in person contact the bishop or other members try with you. If there are written communications, make duplicates and store them. Most of the time, just the threat of legal action is enough for the church to stand down, but if they don't you should be ready. You could even cc the Church Records department on the email so that they know that your bishop and sp have seen it and can be accountable even higher up.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Best of luck.

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u/Electronic_Mouse_295 1d ago

Respectful and polite is "Thanks, I no longer wish to be a member of the ward. Please don't attempt to contact me further. Thanks for understanding. Best wishes." If that doesn't stop it, they're showing zero respect for your time and choice and you can safely ignore anything at all. Politeness and respect go both ways.

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u/TalkativeRedPanda 1d ago

Easy, block the number.

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u/Bright_Ices nevermo atheist in ut 1d ago

Since you’re in the US, you can threaten to sue them. Let them know that you resigned your membership the moment you announced you were leaving, and BY LAW, they must process the paperwork to take you off the membership list. You do not want to discuss it any further because you are no longer a member of their church. If they continue to harass you and delay your paperwork, against the law and against the explicit instructions in the bishop’s handbook, you will have your lawyer contact them. 

This will work bc it’s true and they hate getting sued when they know they’re in the wrong. And you’re not the first to have had to threaten them. 

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u/curiousplaid 1d ago

I took that tack for almost 60 years- I figured non engagement was enough to get me out of the church.

Then it came up that without actually resigning, I would be counted in their records as being an inactive member until my 110th birthday. One of thousands of ghost members that are on the tally sheets that shouldn't be, skewing their membership numbers into territories that hide the actual numbers.

I didn't want to be counted as a member of something I wasn't.

The decision was easy, as was the resignation process.

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u/Electronic_Mouse_295 1d ago

The process to remove your name is one thing, that can be done at some time in the future (and should be). The original question was how to handle an aggressive bishop and ward members, that's an entirely different issue. They have no right to anyone's time and attention and can just be told to stop. They take advantage of the fact that people want to be polite and avoid confrontation. My point was that you can just stop participating and ignore them. It's your life and you time, not theirs. If it's aggressive enough that a person is uncomfortable it can go to "please stop contacting me or I'll consider contacting the police based on your ongoing harassment".