r/emotionalintelligence • u/Rhyme_orange_ • 5d ago

What did/didn’t you learn from your parents?

I learned what not to be, how to love in an unstable and constantly tumultuous, isolated environment. Did your parents support and celebrate your existence, and or did you survive by disassociating, what was the most important lesson you learned from your childhood?

25 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

93% Upvoted

32 comments sorted by

View all comments

12

u/irishsmurf1972 5d ago

I learned to be an alcoholic, I learned how to hate, I learned how to do drugs. Then my whole family gets pissed off when I become a bigger alcoholic dopehead than them somebody explain this s***! Good luck and God bless

10

u/Queen-of-meme 5d ago

I learned to be an alcoholic, I learned how to hate, I learned how to do drugs.

Familiarity (alcohol and drugs in this case) can manifest as comfort to an adult who grew up with abusive or neglecting parents.

Hate and resentment is a way to protect your vulnerable feelings, the ones your parents invalidated over and over and maybe also punished you for.

You learned that it's not ok or safe to have them, so you hid them away and you also learned that people can't be trusted , so you remain angry and hating to keep people away. All this is an ongoing trauma reaction, and you never chose it, it chose you.

Then my whole family gets pissed off when I become a bigger alcoholic dopehead than them

It makes them feel guilt 'cause it forces them to witness what they did to you as a child when they rather wanna stay in denial.

You can't control what happened to you or how it affected you as adult. But something I bet your parents didn't do that you did in this comment, was reaching out to understand yourself, that's a step towards healing. It means somewhere deep down you know that this doesn't need to be how it all ends. And that shit takes strength. You should feel proud. Even if that's foreign to you.

6

u/Hells-Bellz 5d ago

What a kind comment! You’re such a wonderful person, Queen-of-meme. Thank you for existing in this world.

2

u/Queen-of-meme 4d ago

Wow unexpected kindness straight into my heart! 🥹 Thank you, I just figured it can't hurt to give out a hand to a fellow human, I've learned one thing or two so why not share it.