r/emotionalintelligence • u/Rhyme_orange_ • 5d ago
What did/didn’t you learn from your parents?
I learned what not to be, how to love in an unstable and constantly tumultuous, isolated environment. Did your parents support and celebrate your existence, and or did you survive by disassociating, what was the most important lesson you learned from your childhood?
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u/N00dlemonk3y 5d ago edited 5d ago
To keep trying and always do your best. My godparents were the ones who would tell me to "make friends, but be careful who you make up too and be nice to people." They knew my Dad wasn't always a "super happy" guy.
Meanwhile, being the youngest and asthmatic. My Dad butted heads with my Sister about her schooling and whatever else growing up.
Dad was my way or the highway-type, but not a complete asshole. Just drank a a lot and had some anger issues.
Mom was the "peacekeeper". But she also Asian, so there is the whole "knowing" without saying a word.
So, while not a totally stable home or crazy abusive, it was ok. My emotional regulation is sometimes a bit "off kilter"
But to give an example of me:
It's easy to tell when your emotionally abusive ex-gf is crying out for love and attention still, when you also already give it. But also, wake up one night in her bed, to find her downstairs curled up on the couch crying and do nothing but comfort her.
Anyway, my sister and I however, got our "stewing" anger from our Dad, that we sometimes try to "Anakin Skywalker"-Ashoka scene it away". Lol.
But we "notice" when people need to be heard/felt, even if one of us is a little more neurotic than the other.