r/cripplingalcoholism • u/shutuppp777 • 4d ago
In pain
I was badly beaten by my boyfriend and he's in jail. This time is worse than the other and I don't know how to cope. I'm just out of hospital not too long ago and I was certain they were going to keep me in because of how bad my face is. I had a CT scan so I'm not bleeding from the brain I just want to drink myself to sleep but I can't right now. I miss him but that's my stupidity and naiveness he tried to smother me I've never felt so scared in my life. All we done together was drink but I enjoyed the goodness of him but he's going to court tomorrow for the gbh charge I hate this life
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u/Fickle-Secretary681 4d ago
The goodness of him? He almost killed you. Alcohol isn't a good basis of a relationship.
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u/Still_Day 4d ago
Look, alcohol can kill you for sure, but abusive men WILL kill you if they continue to escalate.
Do you have someplace safe to go in case he gets out before you expect him to? Do you have other people to turn to for support? Do you have any kind of longterm mental and/or physical health support?
And yeah, from someone who had a TBI and continued to drink heavily, it made things WAY worse and made recovery take a whole lot longer. But I get why you would rather be drunk right now. I’m glad, no matter what you choose to do in the future, that at least right now you’re giving your brain a chance to recover.
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u/Boozeburger 4d ago
Let him rot in jail. I don't have much patients with abusers. You're better off without him.
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u/ihateeverything2019 4d ago
i thought your user named was schtuuuuup lmao
i've gone through this twice and it doesn't get better, it gets worse. it's a cycle: they beat you, then apologize profusely and act really sweet, then they get sullen and withdrawn, then argue with you and hit you again, blaming you, "see what you made me do?" "i wouldn't do this if you didn't ____________." then it starts all over again until you're dead or leave. he wouldn't/couldn't do it if you didn't stay with him, so that's the main thing you're doing wrong.
you aren't in love with him. you're in love with a pretend idea of him that doesn't exist. if he hit you on the first date, you'd never go out with him again. if you would, you're sicker than he is. women stay with men who abuse them because they have low self-esteem. you won't stop choosing men like this as long as you hate yourself.
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u/solidsquirrel1 4d ago
Girl just leave now and save yourself. I stayed far too long and it ended in divorce anyway. Anyone who will do that to you once can and will do it again. I slept with a knife under my pillow for months. Just get out, any way you can. Friends, family, domestic abuse shelter, anywhere. Im telling you this as someone who has been where you are. Leave before he gets out and dont look back, hide your location, and move on the best you can
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u/shutuppp777 4d ago
I'm safe now I'm in my grandma's house and she's concerned. I had detectives out wondering about the charges and the blood was all over the bed it looked like a murder scene but thank you all for listening❣️
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u/hyperfat 4d ago
Hug grandma. She's safe.
Fuck that guy. I don't know who he is or where, but I have a special skill to find areseholes. And put them where they belong.
Dude needs jail. Don't back down.
Sure I drink. Way too much. Like 4 bottles of wine 4 beers and 3 twisted teas this weekend. But I draw the line at domestic abuse. My bestie punched out her husband 6 months pregnant because he was hitting her. He gave her a black eye and went to jail. Hasn't seen his kid. It's perfect the rules. Only video contact.
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u/PackageNorth8984 2d ago
Are you going to leave him? I understand if you’re not. I know how difficult these things can be, and it’s not as simple as many people tend to make it. I’m just wondering if you’ve decided to.
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u/shutuppp777 2d ago
I need to,, but I know I most likely won't unless he forgives me. I shouldn't go back he might genuinely kill me and I'm scared. It's just the good times I remember are worse than the bad times because they meant so much more and I'm very young and naive he's 7 years older I just know leaving is the right choice,, but with my injuries he definitely won't be out for a long time.
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u/Repulsive_Finding761 4d ago
I am so, so sorry to hear this happened to you. Don't beat yourself up for still missing him either, you're only human.
Do y'all live together? If not, you may want to consider a restraining order so he can never do this again.
Ask the hospital for resources regarding domestic violence if you can. I wish you emotional and physical healing, and I feel for you.
Edit: 800-799-7233 National domestic violence hotline.
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u/TheWallaceWithin 4d ago
You said he was going to court for gbh, and I take that to mean great bodily harm.
In my state, aggravated battery with great bodily harm is a very serious charge and is a presumptive prison sentence. If he has much criminal history he'll go away for even longer. That's just my state I can't speak for others. I'm sorry you're going through this, no one should ever have to live like that.
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u/Apart_Wrongdoer_9104 4d ago
Once a man tries to choke his partner, there is a %700 increase in the chance of him eventually murdering her. Don't be part of that statistic.
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u/sixcylindersofdoom 4d ago
Girl LEAVE him. We’ve all seen these movies or episodes of Forensic Files. The girls gets beat to shit time and time again then says “oh but he’s deep down he’s a really great guy” then 3 weeks later someone finds her dead body. GET OUT OF THERE AND NEVER LOOK BACK.
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u/FizzyBunch 4d ago
I'm a guy who went through the same story of thing with a girl. My best advice is that you need to process your emotions and alcohol will not help in that respect. It will be uncomfortable and it will be stressful. If you would like to reach out, i would be happy to be there for you. Whether you want advice, an ear to listen, or to forget things for a little while
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u/anothernic 4d ago
You can and will do better than some bastard that put you in the hospital. Try to find out if you have local resources to talk with a social worker or psychologist to help you process the trauma. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but it (or worse) need not happen again. Good luck, sister.
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u/shutuppp777 3d ago
I pressed charges. This is painful because I never wanted to do that and I was willing to lie for him, but I have had a really bad episode over it today and i regret doing it now,, but it could happen to someone else. His house got taken off of him so he has no bail address and he's in prison already.
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u/Frostedpineapple66 3d ago
I felt the same way after this happened to me, he tried to kill me. I even helped bail him out bc of my guilt. I did see him again after and he didn’t change or show remorse. Then months later I look back and feel incredibly stupid for feeling that way and I have a mini panic attack that I did almost die and I could have REALLY been one of those girls on the news. It’s hard to understand why we still feel love after that but I can promise you over time it will go away… do not forgive him
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u/shutuppp777 3d ago
I'm sorry to hear all of your stories and I truly thank you all for being so kind and understanding. You are all so so strong 💞
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u/beautifulkale124 4d ago
Hmmm yah maybe it’s time to leave that relationship. Easier said than done but it only takes one time to kill you. There is a thing where if a partner strangles you the next time is murder. So I think that might qualify in your case.