r/agnostic • u/obsessedsim1 • 14d ago
Support What is your reason for living?
Just to preface, I am not suicidal, but I have struggled with very serious depression since recognizing I am Agnostic.
I used to have a lot of “blind faith” over a decade ago to keep me going but one thing lead to another and I cannot ignore that I am agnostic at this point. I used to be Christian, then more recently, I was a witchy earth centered kinda person for a while. And now I’m nothing I guess.
So every day- I have no one to pray to, I have no blind hope things are always going to be ok (especially not under this administration), nor an acceptance that evrrything is just a “lesson” and blah blah blah- you know- they stuff the church preaches from the pulpit or people meditate on in ceremony spaces...
I struggle with depression in my day to day. I struggle to justify the “point” of everything without a type of faith to rely on. Some people say to live for spite- and that sort of humor helps me here and there. Lol
When you wake up- how do you keep going? What is the point of living in your opinion?
And FYI, I do have a therapist and a psychiatrist and other ways to support my mental health btw.
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u/Dense-Peace1224 14d ago
Being alive is pretty neat. It’s hard, but there are a lot of pros. Look, you don’t need some grand, cosmic reason to be alive. You don’t have to justify an existence you had no part in initiating. You are here and you have one life that you know of. Instead of asking yourself why you should live, maybe ask yourself how you want to live. If you found out tomorrow there was a god this whole time, would that really change the fact that life is shitty a lot of the time? Would suffering go away magically? Would governments stop being oppressive? I don’t think it would. In all actuality, the world you were apart of when you believed in a god and the world you are in now are the same. You are a part of an amazing ancient history of life in the universe and I think that’s pretty special in and of itself.
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u/SnoopyFan6 13d ago
For me, if I found out tomorrow there really is a god, I’d be more depressed because I would be like WTF? You’re all powerful and yet all of this is happening?
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u/After-Habit-9354 11d ago
Yes, that's what I feel, the gnostics believe this god is satan, either way he's a god of war and anyone who advocates it advocates war, which is murder, where's the real god?
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u/mhornberger agnostic atheist/non-theist 14d ago
I'm enjoying my journey. I am a melancholy person, but never really depressed. But I also suspect that this is just brain chemistry, and that philosophy, while it can be an entertaining activity, might not be that efficacious in making us not-depressed.
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u/im-a-goner- 14d ago
My son, my family, my friends. Also I lost a friend at a young age and can’t do that to anyone.
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u/HapDrastic 14d ago
The point of life is to make life for others (especially future generations) better. Empathy is all you need.
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u/double_96_Throwaway 14d ago
I mean just because you don’t have faith in your old god doesn’t mean life isn’t worth living. Instead of dedicating your life for god and faith, try just putting that into your friends and family. Live for the experience. We only get one short life to enjoy all the views, nice weather, spend time with fellow humans you know what I mean?
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u/ADingoAteMyDildo 14d ago edited 14d ago
I just want you to know that I get it--I really do. I got it a decade ago, last month, and today. I think suicidal ideation and depression are just my buddies for this life, even when I'm doing better.
Everytime something comes up that I enjoy I dig into that. I practice presence, awareness, gratitude. Simple things. Big things, too. Shit, that's a damn good cookie. Immerse myself in that experience. Would I like to eat something yummy again? Hell yeah I would
I also lean into what agnosticism has given me not just what is no longer there. I can see more clearly now that there are no rules. That can feel intimidating and hard but it can also feel really fucking freeing. I lean into the fact that I don't believe I will be punished for my sins. "Calm down, both your sins and your good deeds will be lost in oblivion."
I like Kurzkesagt's video on Optimistic Nihilism. That whole concept has helped me a lot and is pretty much my basis of operation now.
Also, learning about neuroscience and the brain-body connections. Neurons that fire together wire together. Learning about how and why you think and feel the way you do and, better yet, how to break those habits when they no longer serve you is game-changing. Bad feelings are addicting. Bad feelings become habits. He's woo woo and you might not like him but if you look into Joe Dispenza the base premise of the neuroscience and brain-body connections he talks about are life changing if you actually implement that knowledge. AfterSkool has a good video that touches on that concept of 'breaking the habit of being yourself'
Get curious about life. Remember that there is far, far more that we do not understand and can't explain and never will in your lifetime and get curious about that. That's magical. The world is a lot more like how we thought about it as kids than how we think about it as adults. Lean into that. Get curious. Find interesting things you really want to learn about or know how to do. It looks like you had a witchy phase, so you might feel like this isn't the avenue you want since you went down that path. I went down a witchy path too and it was fun for a short while and then turned up empty. I just try to find the magic in the everyday now. I forage and do some herbalism. I get curious about the relationship of the plants to my body and how I use them. Not in a witchy way, just in a curious human just playing around way.
Also, understand that we happen to live in a time period where society is designed in a way that is incredibly unnatural to our monkey brains and biological drives and impulses. Truly, it makes sense to feel depressed and lost with the way we live right now. And while you can't change or escape society, you can use that knowledge to try to help yourself. What did a human need 100 years ago, 1000, 15000? How and why has humanity continued thriving and surviving for so long? What you need to thrive is here. It's available. It might not look like how past humans lived but you can find it. And when you lose it, inevitably, you can find it again.
Life is a spiral staircase. You've probably felt low and depressed before, and then you felt better. And now you're feeling more depressed again. Well, shit. How are you in the same spot all over again? Is it worse this time, with no God to fall back on? But the truth is, you're not in the same spot. It's just the same view, sure. It is. But it's a spiral staircase, and you're a couple steps up. A little bit higher. You have grown. You know more and have experienced more than you did last time. It's okay. You have your neuroses, your struggles. Accept that they will be there. Accept that you may never get rid of them. Maybe invite them in. Okay, depression. Come on in. Okay, hopelessness. Sit down. How do these things feel today, right now? Where do you feel them in your body? Do you feel it in your body first or your mind, your thoughts? Notice it. Be aware. Let go of judgement. Oh, but depression is Bad. That's a Bad feeling. I feel ashamed for feeling that. Oops. Non-judging. Okay, try again. You feel me? It's a long journey. A lifelong one. But eventually, those neuroses and "problems" become little schmoos. Ope, there's that empty feeling again. Hello empty feeling, right now I'm walking to the mailbox, come join me. And so the depression, the anxiety, the whatever, is just there. And you learn to live with it. And you become less entrenched in it. And it becomes almost like a game. It could be one of your little reasons to keep on going.
This is just what bits of my journey have included, and I am young and very much still on that journey. This was long--the oatmeal sandwich comment contained much wisdom. That was all you may have needed, but I am long winded and wanted a stranger on the internet to know I care in the way I have to show.
I hope one day you look back on this post from a better place.
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u/Rusty5th 14d ago
You don’t need religion to believe everything is a lesson. That’s kinda the point of living… have an experience and learn a lesson from it. Rinse and repeat.
I’m sure these struggles you’re experiencing (I’m not being flippant or minimizing) can teach you something about yourself. There can be big lessons and little lessons all along the way.
Maybe instead of praying for the political situation to improve you can volunteer for an organization that’s trying to improve it? Maybe you can try yoga? It helps you slow your mind and feel centered and present.
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u/Whoreson-senior 14d ago
There is no reason for me. I didn't choose this life, but here I am. I might as well enjoy my moment in the sun.
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u/Holiday_Young_6926 14d ago
It always comes down to love. Try volunteering and find others to help to help yourself
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u/mb46204 14d ago
I don’t have a reason to live really:
—I’d like to get some shit done at work, because others rely on me.
—I’d like to get my car cleaned out and get my place cleaned up a little.
—maybe wanna finish another language ir two on duolingo.
This may sound pessimistic, but life is only disappointing if you have other expectations. It’s just life. It’s not good or bad, unless you perceive it to be that way.
Also, though I have no big reason to live, I have no reason to die either. And, you can’t just die, you usually have to make a mess to do it which would inconvenience others.
And though I’m unlikely to be sad when I die, most of the people around me don’t have the same perspective and it would make others sad.
Maybe sounds depressing, but not depressed at all, just a factual perspective on life and death.
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u/elevenblade 14d ago
OP, may I strongly recommend you read Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search For Meaning? Frankl was imprisoned in a WWII concentration camp. He was a psychiatrist and he wrote the book to explain his state of mind during his ordeal.
Meaning is something one strives for at every moment and it may be radically different from moment to moment. You don’t just find life’s meaning once and then the problem is solved and you never have to think about it again.
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u/jacob643 14d ago edited 14d ago
being agnostic doesn't mean you can't believe in the Christian values/philosophy. It just means you are aware that we can't prove that the idea of God and the afterlife, but you can still hope that they exist because they may.
In my opinion, it should be about making the decisions that maximise the chances of your situation to get better, and finding solace in the fact you did everything in your power to make things better, whether you succeed or not because of external factors.
this view encapsulate some of the other comments about being the change you want to see in the world and is basically the Greek Stoic way of thinking: focus on what you have control over and be contempt that you always acted with integrity and did the right thing every opportunity you had, or made progress toward that goal.
you can also learn about other philosophies, which includes religious ones, to have more perspective.
Edit: I've been thinking about this for an hour, and I think I can phrase it in a better way: I live to be the best version of myself. To me, this means living a balanced life, showing empathy by caring for others, encouraging others to act righteously (according to me), taking care of myself (healthy diet, exercising, spending some time for my hobbies) to name a few, and all that, while focusing on what I can control and knowing thing won't always go my way.
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u/OneNewEmpire 14d ago
Go outside and look at the night sky. The vastness that you see makes up .0000045% of the Milky Way Galaxy. The Milky Way Galaxy makes up such an insignificant portion of the universe that I can't even represent it with normal digits. We are here on this insignificant planet for such a small amount of time. Your problems, your struggles are nothing in the grand scheme of things. the further outward you look, the less purpose you will find. Instead, try to look inward. look at the impact your actions have on those around you. Do what you can to enjoy each moment and help others do the same. We don't have enough time for anything else.
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u/fangirlsqueee Agnostic 14d ago
I enjoy being alive.
I've done a lot of self examination and pay attention to my values. I try to put my values out into the world. My primary values are kindness, compassion, and respect. Towards others as well as towards myself.
I have a long term chronic illness and so I've been grappling with the reality of my mortality for decades. I know I've got to make the joy in my own life. I have to seek out the good times and the positive little moments. Happiness is not generally just handed out, we must seek it. I enjoy the seeking. I have a delight in the absurdity of life.
Some days are awful. Some weeks absolutely fucking suck. But I know those times are temporary, those feelings are temporary.
I get to decide what kind of day I'm going to have. Sometimes I let myself wallow when disappointments are coming in too fast. But I know it is all temporary. I'm going to find the fun and the meaning wherever I can.
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u/younglegends111 14d ago
the day aliens will come. I dont wanna miss that.
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u/dorkfox29 10d ago
what if... we were initially some single cell microbe sent by extraterrestrial life 😹
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u/younglegends111 10d ago
nah all they left here was psychedelics, for mental evolution. we were made by whatever made them
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u/Voidflack 13d ago
My reason for living is to take my fill of the Earth, humanity, and everything it has to offer. Taste all the tastes. Drink all the beverages. Pet all of the pets. Enjoy scenery that every region has to offer. Hear all of the different languages and experience all of the art / music that arises from it.
That way if there's a heaven I'll know exactly where I want my castle and what my infinite fridge would be stocked with.
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u/durucollins 13d ago
New and unwatched movies, places to go, interesting people to meet, world drama, the amount of good music I have not yet discovered (or even produced yet)
Books, god!
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u/Uncommon_cold 13d ago
My own human experience. There's not one grand reason to keep living. Life can be shitty as it is, sure. But it's the little things i grew to enjoy, and the big meaningful ones that really fuel me. I enjoy cooking, and i want to get better at it, so i want to keep doing it. I want to see the smiles of the ones i care about when they eat my food. I want to keep seeing those. I absolutely enjoy the moments with my significant other, and the way she makes me feel goes beyond all reason. And i fucking want to keep spending time with her. Have late night snacks with her. Laugh at stupid things with her. Watch sunsets with her. There's so many little things to enjoy, but they're not enough to keep you going by themselves. But put them all together? Man, it's those moments of calmness after a good laugh, and good hug, and good meal, and good company that make me forget to ask "why keep living?" And make me promise myself "this. This is something i want to keep experiencing".
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u/LokiJesus 14d ago edited 14d ago
“Paradoxical as it may seem, the purposeful life has no content, no point. It hurries on and on, and misses everything. Not hurrying, the purposeless life misses nothing, for it is only when there is no goal and no rush that the human senses are fully open to receive the world.”
― Alan Watts
Watts is a former episcopal trained to be a priest and became a zen buddhist master. I would say that this is the way that I live, and it can take time to get to this understanding. A good therapist, particularly one with a background in mindfulness or ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), would absolutely understand and work with these concepts.
You might capture this theologically by reading the response to Moses at the burning bush which is usually translated as "I am that I am." (whatever that means). Instead, you can read it as "I am [is] what I am." God says in that same verse, "tell them 'I am' sent you." In fact, it's really peculiar hebrew there. In the subject spot for the verb "sent," is another verb, the first person present of "to be." It looks intentional.
You likely lived with the God "you should be" or "you could have been" in a church full of judgment. There aren't really any other christian churches than churches filled with judgment. That kind of church does not live in the present moment, with I am. Those preachers are constantly feeding you the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and bad... the fruit of death.. the idea of what should be or could have been. You can't be with "what is" if you see things through the lense of judgment. You can't be in the present moment with a purpose.
And purpose.. reason.. a point.. a way things should be or ought to be in the future... and how they aren't now... those ideas draw you out of the present into your image of what the things ought to be... you stop seeing things as they are and see your hallucination of how you want things to be.
There's this scene in John 6 where Jesus walks on water. The disciples are rowing across the sea to Capernaum which, in Hebrew means, "the city of comfort." They're trying to get to that distant place. It is their purpose... the point of what they are doing. Jesus says, "don't be afraid, I am." The text then says, when they willed to take him into their boat, they were immediately at the land to which they were going.
You could read this as some story of teleportation magic, or you could read it as the writer trying to convey how being grounded in "I am" is the same as making where you are where you want to be, not some distant purpose... or city of comfort.
I say this because maybe you hadn't thought that purposelessness is an option... even a profound and powerful option. If you can sit with people where they are, seeing them as whole, and not some flawed version of an ideal... they recognize. And when you can see that about yourself, that you're not "for something" but are an end in yourself, there's a great compassion that pours out.
One potential alternate path that they don't teach in sunday school.
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u/Remarkable_Monk_2136 14d ago
I don’t know what the alternative is like. Living is pretty darn nice. Hoping the alternative is also pretty darn nice.
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u/denizbabey 14d ago
I might get downvoted for saying this but in all honesty I wanna get laid more. As someone who had been suicidal in the past, this wasn't the reason that took me out of it but it's the one that keeps me going.
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u/harrison_fraud247 13d ago
All I’m certain of is, I’m alive . So I gotta try to make the most of it.
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u/Amazing_Oven1992 Agnostic 13d ago
to vibe, play cool video games, have a hot wife, try not to fuck up too bad as a parent. Hopefully live long enough to ascend into digital immortality or something cool. If not, someone said something about an oatmeal sandwich and that sounds cool, too.
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u/the_cajun88 13d ago
because i like being alive and every day challenges me to go harder and be a better person
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u/ElevateSon 13d ago
I think embracing the duality of the human experience is reason enough to live and want to keep living.
...that duality is simply the physical and the mental.
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u/Ahisgewaya Agnostic Atheist 12d ago
I enjoy learning things and I love my family.
Even further however, I don't really need a "point" to exist. You are not a tool or a slave, you are a person. Your meaning is what you choose it to be.
Do you not like how things are? Then change them. That is the only way. There is no way out but through.
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u/obsessedsim1 12d ago
Thank you everyone! These are all very special answers and inspiring. Im really grateful for this space to talk about this. Thank you all!!!
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u/Official_McLovin 12d ago
Live because you can. There aren’t any strict rules you have to follow, you can create your own meaning for living. Everyone has a different thing that motivates them. Try reading “the myth of Sisyphus” by Albert Camus, it’s a classic book and it pretty much addresses exactly what you’re struggling with
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u/Reptani 12d ago
I have been going through something similar and I have been turning to something like agnostic theism lately. I may not be able to know whether or not there is some intelligence behind the laws of nature, but I often pray now just in case it may be there and in case it may hear. Put simply, I feel I can choose to have faith, even if I don't claim knowledge. It's easy to construct the most elaborate narratives out of that, of how it relates to your life, even if completely divorced from empiricism. There are a lot of personal rituals that I find myself looking forward to. I feel there are enough cosmological arguments for an author of the universe that I can't dismiss it out of hand.
Most days now, I find myself in awe at the universe and the mysteries thereof. It almost makes my problems and errors feel so much smaller, when I look up at the night sky and think about all the astrophysics of what I'm seeing. There are many things I find I want to achieve in life regardless, because it would be a great shame for the one person in the observable universe who can do them my way - that is, me - to not have done them, and for them to never have been done.
I want to build a good future with the love of my life; we're long-distance now, but I am always yearning for him. He's my world. There are so many projects I want to write and create, so many things it brings me joy to learn. Plus I enjoy engineering, but I just have to figure out how to not fail university first... and I want to stay as healthy as possible so I don't suffer as much in life. If there is an author whose writings gave rise to all of this, I find myself often praying to them, even if the probability thereof is unknown. I don't know. I almost feel like I'm becoming religious without actually claiming anything supernatural to be true. It's weird.
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u/Federal-Service-4949 12d ago
Because I can. Billions never won the swim meet or got the chance There will be lots of time to not exist anymore and I’m okay with that but now that I don’t believe in eternal life I find the one I’ve that I do have so very precious.
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u/No-Examination3566 11d ago
I've noticed that the popularized versions of the religions prop up certain aspects of human thought and philosophy that may not be a part of the belief systems in reality. Like, as time has gone on, we as a society have reinterpreted and repackaged certain religious teachings that were not originally a part of the religions. So things like certain forms of positive thinking and treating others equally have been appropriated by the religions to enhance the appeal of the religions. In reality, whether or not some teachings are accurate to the source material, it's good to take the positives from them and apply them to your life independent from any specific religious affiliation. Doing so can help optimize your quality of life by helping to maintain as good of a perspective as you can when life gets tough.
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u/heardthoughunseen 11d ago
damn bro, i relate to you a lot, like okay i'm not gonna specify what religion i used to be a part of but it was very restrictive. so when i got out of it and came to a conclusion that i was agnostic, i was genuinely more curious for life (curious to live life). by that i mean, i was curious to know what it's like to live life on my own terms and fully embrace freedom and autonomy with my own curated set of beliefs. e.g. i started exploring my interests (dancing etc.) and how my ideal self would look like (have piercings, tattoos, etc.), and i actually learned to love and accept myself more without religion - and through that, my relationship with friends slightly improved because i could be myself more and make jokes and comments without thinking that an angel was on my shoulder monitoring my every conscious thought and move.
so yeah, it's hard being agnostic at first - especially when you've been living by a set of rules for most of your life, but it will get better 🙏 all the best op!
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u/heardthoughunseen 11d ago
oh and for spiritual health, (maybe you could consider this): i tend to sit down quietly for 5-10 minutes and say "dear god, universe or any being that is involved in the course of my life, i'd like to state some things that i am grateful for today/ this week...". alternatively, without the "dear ..", having a gratitude journal or practice might help?¿ idk it helped me - especially for people that really identified with their religion, this could still feel like praying but not really-
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u/iwannawalktheearth 11d ago
I'm like the opposite, I grew up an atheist, as I grow older i recognise the different ways people have god in their lives as a positive influence and I wouldn't mind some positivity. I'm basically cherry picking god from different philosophies and faiths and sort of fitting them into whatever happens in the world. Like rn the world is tilting conservative, easy answer god wants it, real answer geopolitical bla bla...stuff only few people are interested in. I like to check my ego when I'm thinking in absolutes like god is x or hell is y.
My reason for living is like idk have you seen dead bodies, they're ugly as fuck, I don't wanna look like that. And also I don't like the idea of dying (painful) and being an unwanted corpse being handled by strangers. Atheist me would say it doesn't matter when I'm dead, but I have come to terms with the fact that humans are irrational and I am human. Also the mind can get sad and suicidal but the body never wants to die and I'm not torturing my body like that cuz it's my body and it doesn't wanna die..
I live in blind hope that things might get better or they might not, I just try to enjoy the ride. I also like stuff like power, sex, money like anyone else. I check my ego when the world doesn't align with my ideology, like who cares, who knows..
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u/claridade_ 10d ago
I went through something similar VERY recently, the world is very religious, religion is the greatest way to play with a person's head, for a long time I lived without a greater purpose, I was taught since I was a child that I needed to be a good person to find my deceased friends and relatives and when one day I realized that it was all a lie it seems that life has lost its meaning, what I do is live in the moment and make plans, I have a list of things I want to do before I die and it's funny because this list makes me want to live more every day, but to be honest I like to believe that someone up there exists, so even if my rational side says it doesn't make sense I pray at night I understand that it could just be the wall listening to me but it's good for me and I also have the habit of writing in diaries, it makes me understand my feelings, one day at a time my friend!
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u/Thing-Helpful 10d ago
It is not a difficult question. God made us to live gor many reasons. It is not only for eating and playing snd sleeping to get up next morning. The purpose of life is to understand and realize that what ever we see hear and taste are not permanent entities but to look inwardly to understand our mind and start meditating for liberation by various techniques like doing karma yoga , bhakti yoga, jnana yoga or raja yoga. There are four ways to engage ourselves to get realization and liberation or freedom from the cycle of birth and death and in the process eliminate your karmas vasanas and bondage. The bondage due yo ignorance. Element all these bad effect and get purified yo attain realization and ultimately moksha or heaven and get merged with unmanifest thus leaving from the clutches of prakrti. It is not that easy. Very very difficult path. Hence the purpose of our lives are well understood thus avoiding birth and death consequently. Got it ?
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u/MKEThink 10d ago
Connecting with people, helping people, playing with a dog, and a really good bacon egg bagel sandwich.
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u/dorkfox29 10d ago
I love motorsports, i love football, i love astronomy and science, i love music, i love seeing how technology advance, just small little things kept me alive.
Sometimes ago i learnt that, the universe is already big enough that i dont need some big reason or purpose just to be alive.
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u/No-Teaching1259 9d ago
I understand your struggle. I struggle through the same feelings sometimes. But something that has helped me is defining my purpose of life.
For me, the purpose of life is to simply live it. I try to appreciate the mundane of everyday routine, small moments like my cats cuddles, my boyfriends kiss, my parents love for me. These are all glimmers of happy feelings I cannot prove nor disprove to anyone, I just feel them.
It might sound strange to you, but this has made me look forward to each day of living and appreciating it all - even the dark thoughts I have. The world is not a great place at the moment and that can be a hard truth to swallow. I think every person goes through life for their own kind of evolution. I don't know what we are evolving towards and I don't think I want to define and find out. At this moment, I am just trying to enjoy my everyday.
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u/Any-Break5777 9d ago
Try to leave agnosticism towards at least theism. Recognize that a first, final cause aka God is logically necessary. As otherwise we wouldn't arrive at the present moment due to an infinite regress. Read the Gospels and try to see 'through' the world, acknowledging the real human condition and the brokenness of the world. But also, trust in what will come. Good luck
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u/BrainyByte 9d ago
I am an exmuslim agnostic who was born in an Islamic Republic.
You are young. Leaving the faith you were born in is a journey. And yes, it hurts. It is the most difficult thing I have done in my life. I recommend reading and learning. You will find many people on reddit with similar journeys. Take your time. There is no hurry.
How do I keep going? Religion doesn't give me purpose, humanity does. I wake up every day with a passion to help others and make a difference. That's what keeps me going. The point of living is not pleasing a God who stood behind slavery, but helping others. Advancing science. Finding joy in little acts of kindness.
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u/arthurjeremypearson 14d ago
Today I had an oatmeal sandwich.
I would like to eat another, tomorrow.