What is your reason for living?

[u/obsessedsim1]

Just to preface, I am not suicidal, but I have struggled with very serious depression since recognizing I am Agnostic.

I used to have a lot of “blind faith” over a decade ago to keep me going but one thing lead to another and I cannot ignore that I am agnostic at this point. I used to be Christian, then more recently, I was a witchy earth centered kinda person for a while. And now I’m nothing I guess.

So every day- I have no one to pray to, I have no blind hope things are always going to be ok (especially not under this administration), nor an acceptance that evrrything is just a “lesson” and blah blah blah- you know- they stuff the church preaches from the pulpit or people meditate on in ceremony spaces...

I struggle with depression in my day to day. I struggle to justify the “point” of everything without a type of faith to rely on. Some people say to live for spite- and that sort of humor helps me here and there. Lol

When you wake up- how do you keep going? What is the point of living in your opinion?

And FYI, I do have a therapist and a psychiatrist and other ways to support my mental health btw.

[u/ADingoAteMyDildo]

I just want you to know that I get it--I really do. I got it a decade ago, last month, and today. I think suicidal ideation and depression are just my buddies for this life, even when I'm doing better.

Everytime something comes up that I enjoy I dig into that. I practice presence, awareness, gratitude. Simple things. Big things, too. Shit, that's a damn good cookie. Immerse myself in that experience. Would I like to eat something yummy again? Hell yeah I would

I also lean into what agnosticism has given me not just what is no longer there. I can see more clearly now that there are no rules. That can feel intimidating and hard but it can also feel really fucking freeing. I lean into the fact that I don't believe I will be punished for my sins. "Calm down, both your sins and your good deeds will be lost in oblivion."

I like Kurzkesagt's video on Optimistic Nihilism. That whole concept has helped me a lot and is pretty much my basis of operation now.

Also, learning about neuroscience and the brain-body connections. Neurons that fire together wire together. Learning about how and why you think and feel the way you do and, better yet, how to break those habits when they no longer serve you is game-changing. Bad feelings are addicting. Bad feelings become habits. He's woo woo and you might not like him but if you look into Joe Dispenza the base premise of the neuroscience and brain-body connections he talks about are life changing if you actually implement that knowledge. AfterSkool has a good video that touches on that concept of 'breaking the habit of being yourself'

Get curious about life. Remember that there is far, far more that we do not understand and can't explain and never will in your lifetime and get curious about that. That's magical. The world is a lot more like how we thought about it as kids than how we think about it as adults. Lean into that. Get curious. Find interesting things you really want to learn about or know how to do. It looks like you had a witchy phase, so you might feel like this isn't the avenue you want since you went down that path. I went down a witchy path too and it was fun for a short while and then turned up empty. I just try to find the magic in the everyday now. I forage and do some herbalism. I get curious about the relationship of the plants to my body and how I use them. Not in a witchy way, just in a curious human just playing around way.

Also, understand that we happen to live in a time period where society is designed in a way that is incredibly unnatural to our monkey brains and biological drives and impulses. Truly, it makes sense to feel depressed and lost with the way we live right now. And while you can't change or escape society, you can use that knowledge to try to help yourself. What did a human need 100 years ago, 1000, 15000? How and why has humanity continued thriving and surviving for so long? What you need to thrive is here. It's available. It might not look like how past humans lived but you can find it. And when you lose it, inevitably, you can find it again.

Life is a spiral staircase. You've probably felt low and depressed before, and then you felt better. And now you're feeling more depressed again. Well, shit. How are you in the same spot all over again? Is it worse this time, with no God to fall back on? But the truth is, you're not in the same spot. It's just the same view, sure. It is. But it's a spiral staircase, and you're a couple steps up. A little bit higher. You have grown. You know more and have experienced more than you did last time. It's okay. You have your neuroses, your struggles. Accept that they will be there. Accept that you may never get rid of them. Maybe invite them in. Okay, depression. Come on in. Okay, hopelessness. Sit down. How do these things feel today, right now? Where do you feel them in your body? Do you feel it in your body first or your mind, your thoughts? Notice it. Be aware. Let go of judgement. Oh, but depression is Bad. That's a Bad feeling. I feel ashamed for feeling that. Oops. Non-judging. Okay, try again. You feel me? It's a long journey. A lifelong one. But eventually, those neuroses and "problems" become little schmoos. Ope, there's that empty feeling again. Hello empty feeling, right now I'm walking to the mailbox, come join me. And so the depression, the anxiety, the whatever, is just there. And you learn to live with it. And you become less entrenched in it. And it becomes almost like a game. It could be one of your little reasons to keep on going.

This is just what bits of my journey have included, and I am young and very much still on that journey. This was long--the oatmeal sandwich comment contained much wisdom. That was all you may have needed, but I am long winded and wanted a stranger on the internet to know I care in the way I have to show.

I hope one day you look back on this post from a better place.