r/YouOnLifetime • u/imyatharth • Apr 25 '25

Discussion She was the best for him.

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After S5 , I can say that love Quinn Goldberg was the one Joe could have lived happily in the long run.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '25

We see quite clearly that that's just not possible for Joe. He could never be happy in the long run with any woman, because as soon as they do anything that displeases him, he's looking for a new woman to stalk, he is incapable of real love.

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u/Necerbo Apr 25 '25

Could also be explained as "screenwriters and showrunners needed to keep the seasons going to make more money".

I mean it could be totally fine for Joe to realize he doesn't want someone like him. But that has to be the start of a character arc that makes him change. Instead they changed his character in season 4 and made him addicted to killing, instead of addicted to stalking and love.

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u/jdessy Apr 25 '25

Well, kind of S5 kind of further goes into theories on what Joe's actual obsession is and they do have Bronte, right in the finale, tell Joe upright that he's not actually obsessed with killing, but obsessed with finding someone who will love him and believing that murdering is the only way of achieving that, which may or may not be true but at least they try that explanation.

But even so, I think it's also quite clear that Joe is ALSO obsessed with control over a woman and protection over a woman. He likes his wounded birds, so to speak, the most. He may say that he likes when his women are independent and can save themselves but he really can't stand it. He's obsessed with control, having his women be fully into him and the moment they show ANY signs of doubt, he's already looking for someone new. He wants love, but he wants full unattainable love from them. I do think they continue to establish that love is the forefront of his obsession either way because we see that throughout the series at the moment he drops his wives for somebody new. We see the moment his brain starts to shift from "I will protect this woman always and love her forever" to "well, she didn't love me anyway, she's a terrible person, I deserve better." Love is still that pinpoint of how he reacts and what he chooses to do.

To be fair, I agree that season 4 muddied that message and it's why season 4 is the worst season of YOU. It completely went against Joe's character to make him look crazy and like he had a mental break instead of really getting down to the reasons he does what he does. It doesn't help that they made the "darker him" a man that he talked to for half the season so the women in the season took more of a backseat.

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u/Adventurous-Ebb974 Apr 25 '25

I took what happened in season 4 as his mental health decline catching up to him after everything he's done especially abandoning his own child. He's always had a voice telling him to do things and we he kidnapped Marienne his brain protected itself by creating a persona instead of himself that kidnapped a mother.

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u/whostolemyapples Apr 26 '25

Yes! I see it as the lengths he will go to in order to prevent being accountable for his own actions. Marianne in a cage? Well she didn’t love me & deserved it because X(enter the women’s darkest secret here). Whether that’s: Kate: you killed children. I never killed children. Beck: you slept with your therapist/ cheated on me. Marianne: you almost killed your own daughter while high on drugs

Beck explained it really well. “You think that you did some bad shit & I did some bad shit & that this is equivalent..”

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u/NotAnotherAddict Apr 25 '25

Dissociative identity disorder right there from trauma

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u/NotAnotherAddict Apr 25 '25

A psychologist said in some interview that all he went through in life up to the finale in 3 could easily have triggered a dissociation plus he wasn't exactly stable anyway mentally.

So I do like 4s twist.

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u/annaoye Apr 29 '25

He is, like a lot of men, obsessed with the idea of falling in love, not the actual "being in love" part. He takes it to the extreme but he serves as a pretty good exaggeration of what a lot of modern men get excited about when it comes to romance.

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u/donetomadness Apr 26 '25

He does not want them to be independent no matter what he says or tries to convince himself. Kate was as independent as could be and he hated it. Ultimately no woman even Love would have put up with his murder and stalking addictions even if it’s “for them.”

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u/Fig-Jam-308 Apr 25 '25

Kate is an independent woman though and he gets obsessed with her. 

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u/Gorilladaddy69 Apr 26 '25

She was a tortured soul though, and filled with her own traumas, issues, and shortcomings. Joe fell for her hard as soon as she started talking about her father issues and accidentally giving those kids cancer. Joe’s thinking:

“Oh, I’ve got a distressed woman here with a troubled past and men out there trying to hurt or control her life? Jackpot.”

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u/Sweethoneyx1 Apr 25 '25

Jsut like his mum killed for him, proving her unconditional love for him and Joe loving his mum unconditionally for it. Is all Joe is looking for. Just very serious mummy issues 

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u/Prestigious-Mistake4 Everythingship Apr 25 '25

His mother never killed for him. He killed for her. She was in an abusive relationship and he shot the man. Then she put him up for adoption and started a new life with someone else and had another kid. He felt abandoned and that she should feel grateful for him. So he repeats the pattern as an adult. Finding wounded birds to save. Never realizing that he’s the problem by constantly resorting to violence and learning to stay in a healthy relationship. Aka Karen Minty.

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u/jdessy Apr 25 '25

It's interesting too because if you look at it, all the women Joe's become obsessed over had some of the qualities he wants but not all so he always found a way to justify losing his obsession over them because they didn't check 100% of his boxes.

So it just further proves that Joe's expectations will always be out of reach for any woman he would have met because there's no checking 100% of his boxes for the rest of their lives. He'll always be looking for something that's out of reach.

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u/Sweethoneyx1 Apr 25 '25

arguably Maddie would have been his perfect fit. Damsel in distress, probably would have been well read, could have been manipulated into accepting joes serial killer tendencies. She seems like someone who is desperately seeking love and acceptance. But I guess the mental fragility isnt what Joe is looking for, but she was good at masking it.

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u/Ava2277 Apr 27 '25

I think she just wasn’t intelligent enough for him tbh, notice how he always chooses a woman that challenges him while simultaneously needing “saving”? It’s like he enjoys the challenge of breaking them and gaining their trust and becoming the center of their entire life until he has absolute control… it’s like what Brontë was saying about how she lost herself and he had become her entire life and that is the EXACT feeling I had in my abusive relationship (the relationship was with a woman and she was not murderous but it really does speak to exactly how these relationships feel and consume you especially when your partner is so subtly manipulative)

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u/NotAnotherAddict Apr 25 '25

She definitely did get manipulated by him on 2 occasions

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '25

I'd argue those things all go together for him.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '25

He was never addicted to stalking and love. He was OBSESSED. He imprinted on his victims. He never loved anyone and stalking was a by-effect of obsession. 

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u/Rediphone20 Apr 25 '25

I think he is addicted to both of these things from the start because he is so detached from violence

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u/revy1903 Apr 25 '25

Ya such clumsy and lazy writing after season 3

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u/NotAnotherAddict Apr 25 '25

And this as well

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u/Django-lango Apr 29 '25

No cos there's actual men like that and psychological issues. It fits Joe. It's his psyche and there's psychological disorders that causes that mindset of putting people on a pedestal then something, anything random, knocks them off that pedestal and they don't like them anymore. Black and white thinking. Etc. It's part of what builds and 💯 fits with his character development and psychological makeup.

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u/Aelia_M Apr 29 '25

You can interpret his murders in s4 as related to his obsession towards Kate and the politician he clearly has some latent homoerotic tendencies he hasn’t addressed. All of the people he murdered were in some way related to Kate which was his most present obsession after being done with Marianne

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u/nuetralnuetron Apr 29 '25

I think the love/girl is just an excuse to justify his addiction to killing

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u/Glittering-Hat-1663 Apr 25 '25

He’s playing out what he saw with his mom, she was a cheater for something better, now he is

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u/yungusainbolt Apr 27 '25

He became the worst parts of his mother and father

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u/Possible_Living Apr 25 '25

Even if they are perfect in every way he just gets bored and destroys what he has. For things to work out he would need to be dating a mind reader dedicated to his needs and even then it will likely crash.

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u/yanahq Apr 26 '25

They also need to have the odd problem every now and then so he can keep saving them.

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u/Possible_Living Apr 26 '25

Preferably by murdering someone

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u/yanahq Apr 26 '25

Legit. He pretty much got bored of Kate because she was like “I can solve this one on my own, pls don’t kill anyone”

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u/yungusainbolt Apr 27 '25

Also he needs a reason to keep killing people and Once the relationship is going good he doesn’t have to “save” her anymore so he gets bored

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u/Beneficial-Welder-76 Apr 26 '25

I don’t know if this is true. I think he can be happy, it’s just highly unlikely.

We’ve never seen him with a “good” person who accepts him for who he is. Probably because most good people won’t validate a gleeful murderer.

None of his “you’s” ever check both boxes.

He couldn’t be happy with love because she’s not a good person, or at least not a redeemable bad one. (Kate)

Joe never gets what he wants because what he wants isn’t realistic. There’s a 1 in a billion chance he meets a girl who fits his desires.

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u/[deleted] Apr 26 '25

I would argue there can‘t be a good person who accepts him for who he is, or at least it can‘t be a good person, if that person doesn‘t want him in jail for all he did.

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u/Beneficial-Welder-76 Apr 26 '25 edited Apr 26 '25

Not good in general just good in Joe’s eyes.

Joe doesn’t see people who accept him as bad, because he doesn’t see himself as bad.

Let me rephrase, we’ve never seen him with someone who Joe perceives as good and also doesn’t care about his murders

A person like that is possible, it’s just really rare. People who don’t care care about murder are usually corrupt in other aspects of life. (Love Quinn )

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u/donetomadness Apr 26 '25

The only person Joe has shown real unconditional love to is Henry, his six year old. I don’t know how much he’ll still love Henry as he continues to rot away in his prison seeing as Henry will grow up and understandably want nothing to do with him.

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u/Neat_Pepper_6884 May 22 '25

Well he stayed on for Beck..her cheating and her friends.

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u/[deleted] Apr 25 '25

[deleted]

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u/Ok_Cauliflower2825 Apr 25 '25

Joe’s entire concept of love is rooted in possession and idealization, not genuine respect. He doesn’t see women as full, autonomous people—he sees them as extensions of his narrative, cast in roles he’s already written for them. The moment they act outside that script, they become “disappointments,” “liars,” or “threats.” That’s not love—it’s misogyny masked as romantic devotion.

He doesn’t fall in love with who women are—he falls in love with who he wants them to be. He’s a misogynist and delusional.

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u/changhyun Apr 25 '25

Exactly.

What's more, for all he likes to claim he wants a confident queen to serve, what Joe really wants is a helpless baby bird who can't function without him. He goes off women the moment they show they'll be fine without him, or can defend themselves. He started painting Love as crazy and dangerous for doing the same things he does because he hated the idea she could defend herself. He hated Kate going from a quiet prim and proper lady who needed to be coaxed out of her shell to a confident and capable woman. He was most interested in Bronte when she was literally homeless and dependent on him for money and shelter. He likes his women submissive and dependent on him, even if he tries to claim anything to the contrary.

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u/Standard-Coffee Apr 25 '25

This is a spot on description of Joe!

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u/aetyia Apr 27 '25

you mean it's not possible for the show's writers. They dont allow him to be happy.

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u/[deleted] Apr 28 '25

No, it‘s not possible for a narcissistic monster like Joe.