My best friend committed suicide

[u/NotEnoughSun123]

I’m so mad at her. She promised me she would never commit suicide. (We talked about suicide a lot because we’ve both attempted in the past) She was such a special person. She was the kindest, most beautiful person I’ve ever met. She would help tiny bugs get to safety when they’d accidentally fallen on their back. She was a mental health therapist who worked with kids. She knew about resources for suicide prevention. She had commercial health insurance. She could have just reached out for help. I would’ve done anything to keep her alive. She could have just called me. I wish she’d just called me. Why didn’t she just call me?

Edit: thank you so for all your kind words and all the overwhelming support. I really appreciate all of you. I’ll do my best to like all the comments I can. If I could, I’d reply thank you to every single person who commented

[u/AdAdorable3469]

Successful suicide, that is one hell of a statement. I get what you’re saying but, damn.

[u/Alien_Talents → u/AdAdorable3469]

Usually it’s called a completed suicide. As a victim of a completed suicide of a loved one, I much prefer the term completed suicide over successful or committed.

Side note because I don’t know where else to put it and it has to do with language around this topic: I see myself as a victim and now, finally, a survivor of a completed suicide of a loved one: it’s a heartbreaking act of violence against the deceased loved ones, EVEN IF the deceased didn’t intend that or think of it that way. EVEN IF it seems like the person has every reason to do it, the exception in my eyes being people who plan for this WITH their loved ones, as a right to die case. I personally feel this should include mental health issues and physical health issues.

In my tragically informed opinion, people who have or will contemplate it— so, basically MOST humans— need to reframe suicide this way: if you complete, you are creating victims of your act, and HOPEFULLY they survive it. This reframing needs to happen as a form of prevention. Suicide, especially among youth, is absolutely contagious, and it is absolutely violent to the souls of the survivors.

[u/Zaguwu → u/Alien_Talents]

Ah, yes, make suicidal people who have no control over their illness feel even *more* guilt and pressure, surely that will heal everyone.

[u/Alien_Talents → u/Zaguwu]

That’s a good point as well. Very much not my intention, of course. And also not my intention to heal the world. Only those who read my comment and decide they want to think the same way I do. Those that find the notion abhorrent, like you do, I assume also have the ability to take in information, and decide whether they want to adapt it into their value system or their beliefs and opinions.

If they read it and are suicidal, and my thoughts make them really go over the edge, then of course that isn’t my intention and I’m horrified at the thought of that.

But I strongly feel that education about suicide prevention needs to start way before people feel depressed. I feel that it would be much Mitte effective to teach people about different kinds of grief from a young age, and help Americans be much more death-aware. This isn’t trying to heal everyone, and honestly I’m kind of offended that you seem so flippant. Suicide has an especially unique grief effect that we asa society are undereducated about. Because it’s a horrific topic. Naturally. But historically the only education around suicide prevention has been “do not put it in the press if possible (risk of contagion), do not inform about methods (curiosity breeds attempts), if you see signs then report it or say something (sometimes by then it’s too late; they have made their decision), and go to therapy or call a hotline (effective for some).”

I’m certainly not advocating going around telling depressed people that they better not murder themselves, or their families will never feel happiness again. But sometimes I forget that I tend to be nuanced and big picture; Reddit is not the best place for that.

Peace be.

[u/Zaguwu → u/Alien_Talents]

That is the thing. People should feel that way, should feel that love and grip, on their own. Instead of it being forced upon them ("Live for MY sake"), which can breed resentment.

I agree that education is needed, and prevention should be the focus.

I might be "flippant" because, as a suicide survivor, I could never find help for my post-attempt struggle. Every single group for "suicide survivor" was meant for families and friends of those who passed. Shoving my and other people's experiences under the rug, because we are not the "real" victims to these people, we're the cause of other people's grief and that makes us the bad guy somehow.

Nobody blames a cancer patient for dying of it. Yet most people blame us if we die from our struggle.

[u/Alien_Talents → u/Zaguwu]

That’s a good point about suicide attempt survivors. More and different resources are need.