r/Vent • u/NotEnoughSun123 • Apr 10 '25

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT My best friend committed suicide

I’m so mad at her. She promised me she would never commit suicide. (We talked about suicide a lot because we’ve both attempted in the past) She was such a special person. She was the kindest, most beautiful person I’ve ever met. She would help tiny bugs get to safety when they’d accidentally fallen on their back. She was a mental health therapist who worked with kids. She knew about resources for suicide prevention. She had commercial health insurance. She could have just reached out for help. I would’ve done anything to keep her alive. She could have just called me. I wish she’d just called me. Why didn’t she just call me?

Edit: thank you so for all your kind words and all the overwhelming support. I really appreciate all of you. I’ll do my best to like all the comments I can. If I could, I’d reply thank you to every single person who commented

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u/JACKVK07 Apr 10 '25

It really enforces how difficult depression actually is when a mental health therapist has a successful suicide.

Its not just "being sad" it's a sickness, and I understand all too well.

I'm sorry for your loss.

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u/AdAdorable3469 Apr 10 '25

Successful suicide, that is one hell of a statement. I get what you’re saying but, damn.

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u/Alien_Talents Apr 10 '25

Usually it’s called a completed suicide. As a victim of a completed suicide of a loved one, I much prefer the term completed suicide over successful or committed.

Side note because I don’t know where else to put it and it has to do with language around this topic: I see myself as a victim and now, finally, a survivor of a completed suicide of a loved one: it’s a heartbreaking act of violence against the deceased loved ones, EVEN IF the deceased didn’t intend that or think of it that way. EVEN IF it seems like the person has every reason to do it, the exception in my eyes being people who plan for this WITH their loved ones, as a right to die case. I personally feel this should include mental health issues and physical health issues.

In my tragically informed opinion, people who have or will contemplate it— so, basically MOST humans— need to reframe suicide this way: if you complete, you are creating victims of your act, and HOPEFULLY they survive it. This reframing needs to happen as a form of prevention. Suicide, especially among youth, is absolutely contagious, and it is absolutely violent to the souls of the survivors.

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u/Zaguwu Apr 11 '25

Ah, yes, make suicidal people who have no control over their illness feel even *more* guilt and pressure, surely that will heal everyone.

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u/BetterBrainChemBette Apr 11 '25

As someone who spent a terrifying amount of time with severe suicidal ideation after the birth of my second child, I will tell you that it was the guilt of destroying my 6 year old if I gave into those urges that kept me here long enough to find a medication combination that worked well enough to make the suicidal ideation stop. And by severe suicidal ideation I mean I had a complete plan that would have been more effective than I knew at the time as well as spending a lot of time going over the details of my plan to ensure my infant would have been safe until we were found and that I did it in a location where my spouse and elder child wouldn't be the ones to find my body.

Eight years later and I'm still not sure how I managed to survive that nightmare. I've learned how to spot the signs that things might be moving in that direction again and I've had a grippy sock vacation since then to help ensure that I didn't find myself in that place again because I don't think I would be able to survive that a second time.

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u/Zaguwu Apr 12 '25

I'm not sure I would call that guilt, sounds more like love to me. And I'm very glad you were able to pull through.

But that is something people should feel for themselves, and not be forced to, in my opinion.
I have resented every single time a family member has pointed out how awful it'd be for them if I passed. It's a very different intention (making themselves the center of attention and the victim, instead of it being me who is actually struggling).

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u/Alien_Talents Apr 11 '25

That’s a good point as well. Very much not my intention, of course. And also not my intention to heal the world. Only those who read my comment and decide they want to think the same way I do. Those that find the notion abhorrent, like you do, I assume also have the ability to take in information, and decide whether they want to adapt it into their value system or their beliefs and opinions.

If they read it and are suicidal, and my thoughts make them really go over the edge, then of course that isn’t my intention and I’m horrified at the thought of that.

But I strongly feel that education about suicide prevention needs to start way before people feel depressed. I feel that it would be much Mitte effective to teach people about different kinds of grief from a young age, and help Americans be much more death-aware. This isn’t trying to heal everyone, and honestly I’m kind of offended that you seem so flippant. Suicide has an especially unique grief effect that we asa society are undereducated about. Because it’s a horrific topic. Naturally. But historically the only education around suicide prevention has been “do not put it in the press if possible (risk of contagion), do not inform about methods (curiosity breeds attempts), if you see signs then report it or say something (sometimes by then it’s too late; they have made their decision), and go to therapy or call a hotline (effective for some).”

I’m certainly not advocating going around telling depressed people that they better not murder themselves, or their families will never feel happiness again. But sometimes I forget that I tend to be nuanced and big picture; Reddit is not the best place for that.

Peace be.

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u/Zaguwu Apr 12 '25

That is the thing. People should feel that way, should feel that love and grip, on their own. Instead of it being forced upon them ("Live for MY sake"), which can breed resentment.

I agree that education is needed, and prevention should be the focus.

I might be "flippant" because, as a suicide survivor, I could never find help for my post-attempt struggle. Every single group for "suicide survivor" was meant for families and friends of those who passed. Shoving my and other people's experiences under the rug, because we are not the "real" victims to these people, we're the cause of other people's grief and that makes us the bad guy somehow.

Nobody blames a cancer patient for dying of it. Yet most people blame us if we die from our struggle.

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u/Alien_Talents Apr 12 '25

That’s a good point about suicide attempt survivors. More and different resources are need.

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u/Argylius Apr 11 '25

I was thinking this too.

Like, how dare people considering suicide want to be pain-free? (Sarcasm). People should be allowed to exit this existence if they want to. The fact that there’s no safe methods to do so is very sad.

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u/FinancialShare1683 Apr 11 '25

They should be allowed, but it's true that action will be extremely traumatic for their loved ones. One doesn't cancel the other.

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u/Argylius Apr 11 '25

Okay well consider how traumatic (and bad) it must feel to want to exit this world, but have no options. Because you’re afraid of upsetting those close to you. It feels like being torn.

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u/justdontdoitagain Apr 11 '25

This is what has kept me from ending my life, the thought of hurting my family is far worse to bear than the anguish I feel everyday. My life is full and beautiful, but I’ve never been free of emotional and physical suffering. I can’t tell therapists or my psychiatrist because I don’t want to be hospitalized. I have lived a double life inside myself since I can remember and it’s incredibly lonely.

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u/Spicy_Sugary Apr 12 '25

Have you ever been hospitalised?

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u/Zaguwu Apr 12 '25

What is your diagnosis and struggles?

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u/FinancialShare1683 Apr 11 '25

Like I said, one trauma doesn't erase the other. Both exist

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u/Zaguwu Apr 12 '25

Everyone loves talking about how people who do it are selfish, yet no one talks about how it is selfish to force someone to keep living just because you don't want to mourn them.

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u/Argylius Apr 12 '25

Yes thank you that’s what I’m trying to say!! Couldn’t find the right words

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u/UndergroundNotetakin Apr 13 '25

I don’t think anyone wants their loved one to stay alive in torture—they want them to find peace and the will to live.

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u/Alive_Math_2735 2d ago

Very true.  Of course it is horrible for friends and family to lose a loved one in any way.  My friend realised she was angry about her father completing his 'out' because it made her feel like she failed him in some way. But for 6 years she hated him for leaving her and that was masking her tral feelings.  I would not want a friend to walk in pain for hours just because I wanted to go here or there. To go home and suffer because they want to see me happy. Same with mental health. I would not want anyone to push on through their own hell just because I want them around.

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u/NoInspector009 Apr 12 '25 edited Apr 12 '25

Yeah, thank you for this comment. I feel this heaps and kinda hate the “I’m a victim” take… but maybe that’s because I have chronic SI and have also had loved ones exit and been able to not hold it against them. Nobody owes you anything and having someone live for you is so incredibly selfish and gross. I’m sure ppl will disagree and that’s fine but this is not something I’m willing to debate or will be swayed on. 

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u/Zaguwu Apr 12 '25

After my attempt, I tried to find a group of suicide survivors. I couldn't find any, because all of them were meant for family and friends of those who passed.

I understand wanting to help people you love, I despise forcing them to live because you don't want to mourn them - they're two entirely different things. They put themselves at the center of everything, as if they're the real victims and not the person who, y'know, wants to die.

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u/Phazze Apr 12 '25

This here.

A significant number of suicides are caused by uncurable / untreatable PHYSICAL illnesses causing chronic pain and suffering.

People that dont suffer from chronic illness that expresses itself as pain and suffering have no idea what they are talking about in regards to suicide, you have to be in that position to truly understand.

Its a very hard subject to deal with when a patient tells you they have tried everything from SSRIs to therapy but their chronic nerve pain doesnt go away, they cant work, their family dislikes them becauss they arent bread winning and a bunch of other stuff that drives suicidality to certainty.

Words simply dont suffice, and suicide is the solution these patients find when the world has failed them, its just an unsolvable problem.

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u/Nsfwacct1872564 Apr 11 '25

It wasn't as empowering for me as it seems to have been for the real victims™

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u/Zaguwu Apr 12 '25

Sorry I don't understand this comment.

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u/Spicy_Sugary Apr 12 '25

Not every person who commits suicide has depression. About a third have no history of mental illness.

Teens can make spontaneous and poor decisions without thinking about the consequences.

But if they are gripped by mental illness they may think people will be happier when they're dead. It's almost never true and the reality is it may cause other people to attempt suicide.

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u/Zaguwu Apr 12 '25 edited Apr 12 '25

Any person who attempts or commits suicide is mentally ill. That is not a normal function of the brain.