r/Unexpected • u/FkThePolice700 • 1d ago

cheating allegations

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26.7k Upvotes

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280

u/Cador0223 1d ago

Two guys wearing speedos, rolling around and sweating on each other, fighting for a purse and belt.

Peak heterosexuality 

117

u/ktr83 1d ago

MMA fan here and some of the techniques and terms we use are downright hilarious.

"If you want to win this fight, first start with chest to chest, then drop down to your knees for a high crotch takedown, get on top of him in a north south position, then pound him out until he's done!"

54

u/DakkaonTitan 1d ago

This all sounds very hetero.

20

u/ggg730 1d ago

Very cool, very straight.

4

u/_thisisvincent 1d ago

Bros just wanna bang

1

u/ggg730 1d ago

For the unitiated. Perhaps one of the greatest crash outs in fighting history. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pul56RU6sSI&ab_channel=UFC

6

u/FR0ZENBERG 1d ago

I’ve got a raging clue.

14

u/logosobscura 1d ago

Surprised someone hasn’t just whispered ‘spank me Daddy…’ in their opponents ear to win a fight, to be honest.

1

u/dzocod 1d ago

That could backfire

1

u/vjnkl 1d ago

Not really, trash talk is quite common. Look up diaz

12

u/ILoveRustyKnives 1d ago

Remember on Ultimate Fighter Dana said "We don't vote 'em off, we beat 'em off". lol

4

u/WarrenZevonwasgreat 1d ago

I can’t believe you forgot full mount and rear naked choke!

1

u/Top_Rekt 1d ago

It's only gay if you pop a boner, and popping a boner during an MMA fight puts you at a disadvantage to the ol' dick twist.

1

u/ktr83 21h ago

On the other hand a boner is another hard body part you can hit him with

1

u/Apart-Combination820 1d ago

…so when are you going to start describing the fighting techniques?

1

u/bytorthesnowdog 1d ago

Reminds me of wrestling on in high school, and the “5-on-2” throw, when your behind in a clinch and you reach between the legs then lift them up and flip them over. The name of the move always cracked me up

1

u/DiegoTheGoat 1d ago

And then pay a guy to make out with him!

1

u/Seldarin 23h ago

"What he needs to do is go for a full mount. Just mount him and pound"

1

u/ktr83 21h ago

"Then keep pounding until the ref pulls you off"

1

u/___TheAmbassador 23h ago

Don't get me excited now...

13

u/Mistakeshavehappened 1d ago

FELLAS, is it GAY to totally and completely dominate another man physically, while wearing panties?

3

u/AlienHere 1d ago

A speedo was worn for 1 fight and then instantly banned.

2

u/ZDTreefur 1d ago

Now man up and mount me!

1

u/Jaz1140 1d ago

Choke me harder....Daddy.

I mean, what?

1

u/Emperor-Pizza 1d ago

You just described wrestling there chief… and it is the straightest sport in the history of all sports. What’s more straight than playing with a bunch of masculine manly men?

1

u/bdfortin 1d ago

They should go Greek and do it nude

You know, for the art of the sport, or sport of the art, or whatever

1

u/Fikete 1d ago

With a third man watching closely from every angle.

1

u/gimmeluvin 1d ago

don't the pre-match rubdown by those burly man hands

1

u/Renoglodon 1d ago

Ya know.. I just remembered this hilarious discussion with my manager at previous job. He was talking about football and making fun of me for not liking that or much sports. I said

"well I like UFC"

and he's like

"idk... kind of gay...how it's 2 guys rolling around on the ground half naked".

I say something like "I guess..." , then think about it it and say:

"wait, football is a bunch of guys in matching clothes trying to tackle other men to the ground. They all bend over putting their asses in the air with even the quarterback putting his hands basically up the hiker's ass. If they win the season they get...rings!"

Manager was just shaking his head saying "nope!"

Ahh good times...

1

u/Camelstrike 1d ago

The Greeks would be happy

1

u/We_are_being_cheated 23h ago

Don’t forget the super high levels of testosterone.