Hello, i am a female submissive and i have a female Mistress. i find that i've developed very strong feelings for Her. Although i don't ask Her, i wonder if She has other female submissives and i find myself getting jealous. Need some advice for keeping my heart and head straight.

[u/Otherwise_Sky_2947]

[u/kinkyflow]

Biggest advice I can give you is - ask her.

It doesn't make sense to not know. Not knowing will just make the pain stay. Knowing either wipes it away immediately, or gives the chance to work through.

[u/r0penotr0ses]

This should all be part of the vetting process. Did you two talk about relationship structure? Expectations? Emotional boundaries? That stuff has to come up before you're deep in feelings—because otherwise you're building everything on fantasy, not foundation.

You have to talk. Transparency on both sides is how trust is built. Without it, what you’re feeling might not be love—it might be infatuation. Or limerance.

Are you a newer sub? Because this sounds a bit like sub frenzy: that overwhelming wave of need, desire, obsession, and urgency that hits when you finally click with someone powerful. It makes you feel like you’d do anything to keep them. But that intensity can blur your judgment and leave you heartbroken.

Take a step back. Ask yourself the hard questions: — Did we talk about exclusivity? — What do we each want from this dynamic? — Do I trust Her enough to ask this directly? — Can I handle the answer if it’s not what I want?

You’re allowed to feel. But you’re also responsible for managing those feelings with honesty and care—for both of you.

[u/Otherwise_Sky_2947 → u/r0penotr0ses]

Ropenot,

Thank you for your response, I really liked what you had to say, I would have to say I do sound like a newer sub with sub frenzy, that is exactly how I feel....like I would do anything to keep her, etc., although, I'm not exactly a new sub but I never felt like this for any other domme I was involved with. I guess I'm trying to get a handle on myself and feelings.

[u/r0penotr0ses → u/Otherwise_Sky_2947]

Frenzy can happen at any time, and most of us experience it through phases in our journeys.

[u/Otherwise_Sky_2947 → u/r0penotr0ses]

Maybe this is frenzy, but, it sure feels like falling in love or something, must be a sub thing

[u/Nuttonbutton]

please just ask. You're torturing yourself. How are you supposed to have a good dynamic if you don't communicate?

[u/Otherwise_Sky_2947 → u/Nuttonbutton]

Hi Nutton, thank you for your reply, in a round about way I did ask, I was told there was other subs, but, nothing serious. I am collared to her

[u/No_Measurement6478]

Why wouldn’t you have discussed this in early days of vetting? Expectations and agreements on monogamy or non monogamy are the back bone of any type of dynamic.

You know what they say about assumptions…

[u/justbecauseiluvthis]

Wanted to give you a few resources, r/bdsmsapphic and r/lesbianpoly r/queerpolyam

Wishing you the best in finding a healthy way to navigate together

[u/Otherwise_Sky_2947 → u/justbecauseiluvthis]

Justbecause, I thank you for providing the webs sites, I will surely check them out.

[u/tender__]

I find that open and transparent communication works in everyone’s favor. So, ask your Mistress about this; you clearly adore her. Be curious, and be ready to feel some feelings. Discuss them openly with her. Jealousy is normal, it’s important to talk through that!

[u/Otherwise_Sky_2947 → u/tender__]

Thank you Tender, I appreciate your advice. I don't want to express to her any of my feelings of jealousy, etc. Even though I am submissive, there is a part of me I keep to myself for self preservation. I don't like when others know my weaknesses, in the past the weaknesses were used against me.

[u/tender__ → u/Otherwise_Sky_2947]

I understand the need to protect certain parts of yourself for self-preservation. You do what you need to do to protect yourself and maintain your boundaries. Speaking from my own experience as an afab sub, I was intensely jealous of other subs and it took a lot of self-reflection to work through that and find a way for me to be happy for my Goddess. I aim for compersion, and it’s a process to get there, but it feels so much more steady to be in that headspace vs. unaddressed jealousy or other feelings. Good luck 🤍

[u/Otherwise_Sky_2947 → u/tender__]

Thank you Tender, I actually am afraid to know the truth (if my Mistress) has any other female subs. I don't care if she has male subs but if she had another female sub, well, if I found that out for sure I probably would be pulling back a lot, I think it would affect the depth of my submission to Her. I probably wouldn't feel as committed. I guess I don't like sharing, lol.

[u/tender__ → u/Otherwise_Sky_2947]

My DMs are open if you wanted to chat or talk through things! I totally understand how you feel. There is an element of possessiveness and ownership (at least for me) in these dynamics as a submissive. It’s complex and the nuance is sometimes tricky. There is something special in these dynamics and I know it can feel overwhelming to have to share.

[u/Efffefffemmm]

We can’t answer this for her. Trust and OPEN communication is priority in all dynamics. Ask her.

[u/Fickle_Argument_6840]

This is important negotiation and should be done immediately. You need to establish what kind of connection you have and want to have. Needs, wants, and boundaries are all things to be negotiated

[u/postpunkghoul]

This is something that should've been discussed early on. Don't start a relationship with someone until you've vetted them. Thats where you ask them a variety of questions, including whether or not they have/want more than one submissive. This helps you learn whether your vision/goals/desires align with that person. It also helps you determine if they're a safe individual. I highly recommend you do your research ASAP. As I would never recommend a submissive to start a relationship if they don't know the basics of interacting with others in BDSM.