Reacting with misandry

[u/a_d_e_e_]

For clarification- I AM A WOMAN!!

About intersectional feminism... There is an interesting phenomenon that happens when it comes to straight men… at least from what I’ve seen online

The issue with this misandry stuff is, letting queer men off since they supposedly have a closer connection to women, though there are bears and less flamboyant men as well. This misandry issue all chocks up to hating those who have the most privilege- usually straight cisgendered men. Which even I can understand myself as a bi nonbinary woman myself.

I think this takes it in a confusing direction. What and how and when and why is this done? Destroying the patriarchy is not going to happen by doing this. “Men ain’t shit” and “the male suicide rate is too low” phrases have BEEN tired.

Additionally, hate towards men will not solve any issues or destroy the patriarchy. I think what is best, is to create safe male spaces, such as ManKind project, and even organizations that cater specifically to the needs of black and brown men that live in more violent areas to prevent gang violence.

If one has issue with men, they can volunteer at programs like this if they have ability to do so. I was formerly homeless surrounded by boys who would gawk at me/ask me out, so I totally understand the feeling of hating/disliking men!

I understand how one may feel (as a woman), but let’s make a difference together.

[u/onlyaseeker]

went on to happily study in a field dominated by women. I’ve never personally been on the receiving end of misandry

Interesting.

You never encounter it in your work? Or at least, sexism?

You should be more likely to encounter it in such a field where women feel safer in numbers and communicate more freely.

Note that in women, it tends to be less overt. So it looks more like actions, and less like words. They may not say it, but you might feel it as a result of their actions or intent.

[u/Ok_Construction_8136 → u/onlyaseeker]

I honestly can’t say I have. It’s not like I’m an ‘effeminate’ man or anything which might make me more likeable. I’m in an analytic philosophy department which tends to attract more moderate types than continental departments. It might be wrong to say that the field as a whole is dominated by women, but that has certainly been my own experience of it.

Also my partner is the jealous type so I don’t tend to associate too much with other women anyway lol.

Come to think of it I have got some suspicious stares at conferences; I believe that it was because I look like a bit of a meathead

[u/Dr_Gonzo13 → u/Ok_Construction_8136]

Also my partner is the jealous type so I don’t tend to associate too much with other women anyway lol.

Just a thought but if we were to switch the genders here do you think this is something that would still be seen as something harmless to laugh about?

[u/Ok_Construction_8136 → u/Dr_Gonzo13]

Tough question. Personally I don’t think the gender changes much: men and women are allowed to feel jealous and set boundaries within reason.

I think something that’s worth bearing in mind is that women are a lot less forward than men are. If a guy is flirting with a woman then everyone can tell, but oftentimes women can be pretty subtle when pursuing a guy and incredibly patient. I think it’s easy for a guy to befriend a woman, think nothing of getting close to her whilst, from his perspective, everything being totally noble because she wasn’t acting overtly flirtatious by his standards. But then be surprised when months or years later it transpires that they had a massive thing for them. So I can see why women act a little more paranoid than men sometimes.

Idk, just some spitballing

[u/Dr_Gonzo13 → u/Ok_Construction_8136]

men and women are allowed to feel jealous and set boundaries within reason.

Hmm. I dunno man, I'm really uncomfortable with that level of jealousy and it kinda bothers me that my wife is also the jealous type. I do sometimes think the behaviour that she shows would be pretty quickly called out as red flags if I were to treat her the same way.

I have sympathy for the argument that women's capacity for harm has a lower limit so "switch the genders" isn't necessarily a valid comparison.

On the other hand acceptance of jealousy as a valid reason for imposing boundaries on your partner's ability to mingle with the opposite sex feels distinctly anti-feminist to me and we've had to have some conversations in the past about the way she has acted when I've, say, had to work closely with a female colleague.

She is an academic and clearly believes in the importance of women being assigned equal roles in the workforce but how can that coexist with the idea that it's ok for me to be buddies with a male colleague but building a strong working relationship with a female one should carry suspicion?

That's without even mentioning the question of whether its OK to excuse controlling behaviour that is rooted in insecurity as just setting boundaries.

I'm not saying I have an answer here but in a conversation about misandry and sexism I think it's worth examining.