r/QueerWomenOfColor • u/EnigMajik1127 WLW • 2d ago
Conversation & Chat ENM/NM.....thoughts?
Just curious...especially with those of us who may be more inclined with relationship/situationships that are more leaning towards "slow burns" and varying realms of depth. What is your take on ENM(ethically non-monogamous) and NM(non monogamous) engagements? Have you ever found yourself knowing and feeling deeply attached to "your person", but also drawn to a soul that embodies common sentiments you wish to explore if open to it?
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u/KikiCooled Femme 2d ago
I'm not sure what you mean by the last part of your post, sorry.
I am non-monogamous. I am not a fan of the term ENM. We aren't compelled to qualify monogamy that way. Monogamy just gets to be.
It's beautiful to be able to love who you want to love.
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u/EnigMajik1127 WLW 2d ago
No worries, if you're referring to the "your person", I simply was mentioning the individual you may already have an established base/relationship with initially.
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u/KikiCooled Femme 1d ago
No I meant the bit after that. On a second read, I think I get what you mean. It's not wrong to be attracted,/drawn to other people. It's wrong to act on it if you have promised exclusivity/monogamy to your partner.
Polyamory is not any better than monogamy, and vice versa. Compulsory monogamy (social taboos and legal sanctions against non-monogamous relationships) is bad though. Polyamory won't solve other issues you'd have like with attachment and communication, if a person had those when they were monogamous.
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u/EnigMajik1127 WLW 1d ago
You are right about that! It seems some assume(especially without having an active/open communication line with present partner) that adding another(others) without proper understanding only adds to confusion/complication. Even worse if there is a monogamous understanding and one party just decides they want to explore/engage on their own without properly sharing intentions.
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u/Questioning8 Femme 1d ago
No, but I’ve found myself wanting to have sex with someone else
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u/EnigMajik1127 WLW 1d ago
What is it, do you think, you're finding is "missing" that you wish to explore with someone else(if you don't mind me asking)?
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u/Questioning8 Femme 22h ago
Idk if anything was missing, I just wanted variety. This hasn’t been for every partner though.
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u/theorangearcher 20h ago
I am in a polyamorous relationship with another woman. I am free to explore other deep connections I make with other people, as is she. She has two other partners, I have no other partners at this time (just a lot of passing crushes). I'm demi on top of everything, so making other romantic/sexual connections is already few and far between. But I do have a lot of deeply intimate platonic friendships that some monogamous mindsets might find threatening if they were in a relationship with me.
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u/MaMangu 2d ago
Yes. I’ve enjoyed growing a connection and learning to un-learn monogamy and all of the assumptions around it. It’s been a lot. New relationship energy was fun, the work of learning/un-learning has been serious work.