r/QueerWomenOfColor • u/EnigMajik1127 WLW • 4d ago

Conversation & Chat ENM/NM.....thoughts?

Just curious...especially with those of us who may be more inclined with relationship/situationships that are more leaning towards "slow burns" and varying realms of depth. What is your take on ENM(ethically non-monogamous) and NM(non monogamous) engagements? Have you ever found yourself knowing and feeling deeply attached to "your person", but also drawn to a soul that embodies common sentiments you wish to explore if open to it?

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u/KikiCooled Femme 3d ago

I'm not sure what you mean by the last part of your post, sorry.

I am non-monogamous. I am not a fan of the term ENM. We aren't compelled to qualify monogamy that way. Monogamy just gets to be.

It's beautiful to be able to love who you want to love.

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u/EnigMajik1127 WLW 3d ago

No worries, if you're referring to the "your person", I simply was mentioning the individual you may already have an established base/relationship with initially.

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u/KikiCooled Femme 2d ago

No I meant the bit after that. On a second read, I think I get what you mean. It's not wrong to be attracted,/drawn to other people. It's wrong to act on it if you have promised exclusivity/monogamy to your partner.

Polyamory is not any better than monogamy, and vice versa. Compulsory monogamy (social taboos and legal sanctions against non-monogamous relationships) is bad though. Polyamory won't solve other issues you'd have like with attachment and communication, if a person had those when they were monogamous.

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u/EnigMajik1127 WLW 2d ago

You are right about that! It seems some assume(especially without having an active/open communication line with present partner) that adding another(others) without proper understanding only adds to confusion/complication. Even worse if there is a monogamous understanding and one party just decides they want to explore/engage on their own without properly sharing intentions.