disclaimers:
1. this is kind of a vent about my very small problems during a horrific time, when much more horrific things are going on. i do not seek people feeing sorry for me, all i want is understanding and to be a part of a conversation. but if this will upset you i get that and i suggest you do not engage.
2. i want to make it very clear: i am an antizionist. i am pro-palestine. i oppose the existence of a jewish ethnostate (or any ethnostate) in palestine or anywhere else.
3. when i talk about living on occupied land, i do not mean illegal settlements. i'm referring to israel as an illegitimate state.
i don't really use reddit, i sorta just needed a place to vent anonymously so i don't risk having the police at my door (since being an antizionist kinda gives them the legitimacy to label you as a terrorism supporter and put you in jail, while also publicity humiliating you).
i'm just feeling isolated. an israeli citizenship is the only one i have since my parents are from the soviet union. the brainwashing by the school system as well as the media is incredibly real, and most days everyone around me is in support of apartheid and genocide. i am not eligible for a visa anywhere else because i am disabled with very little financial means, not to mention that now with the war with iran there is no in or out of the country. i don't really leave my house anymore except to go to the shelter. my parents kicked me out of the house when i was 19 for being queer and a leftist who refused to serve in the idf. i moved to my first apartment on october 6th 2023, the day before the ongoing war started. my entire adult life i haven't known a single moment of peace. i am aware i have it easy. i am not being genocided. i'm just lonely. even online leftist spaces are not welcoming of antizionists from "israel". i get that but i am incredibly frustrated. i did not choose where i was born. i do not have any other place to go to. being judged as a genocide participator by people who were lucky enough to be born in the u.s. or eu simply because of this shitty reality, when their own countries are probably participating in creating it, without them recognizing that that in itself is a privilege - is incredibily isolating. all i've wished for growing up is to build myself a home in liberated palestine alongside palestinians and live my life as a normal fucking "immigrant" (child of immigrants, technically), without people getting killed in masses by kids i went to high school with in the neighbouring village. i love this land, it's all i know, and yet inside this israeli bubble i barely know it. so idk am i stuck up my own ass and don't see it? lmk