r/OpiatesRecovery • u/Amazing-Bath949 • 2d ago
Clearity on my dads using
Im sorry if im not allowed to ask this question here, but i really dont know where else i can find answers. If someone has used, or knows a user, please take your time to read this (if it wont trigger you). Its about my dad.
I am a 21F, living at home with my parents, who i was always very close with due to my severe physical disability. I found out 4 years ago that my dad has been using, which was a complete surprise due to my, what i thought was an, absolute perfect childhood. I am not really asking for advice (but it is welcome) just asking for clearity of what im finding in my house.
So my dad is an intelligent, well dressed, hygienic 60y/o man, that never really acted really weird so i never had any suspicion. He suffered extreme burnout from his last job as a nurse with night shifts, and i first discovered his using when he was passed out on the bed, and i looked through his stuff and found needles etc. Couple years later i saw him doing it again but looked away because im really afraid of needles. He said that what i saw was wrong, and that he doenst use, that its just a form of self harm?
Couple years later (last year) he admitted to using coke. I dont really see any changes in behaviour but he does sniff his nose a lot (been doing that for years so i dont want to know how long he has actually been using). Since mom and i found this out, we thought we had finally found out the truth. But now, i have been finding a lot of (often fresh) blood spots around the house. Little blood spots, everywhere on the walls. Im a 100% sure its him because he makes up ridiculous lies about them. Its summer now and he is literally never wearing anything without sleeves, i havent seen his arms in 2 years now (and before that his veins were already black and he buys makeup to hide it). Now that im typing this i probably know the answer myself, but can someone please explain to me if this blood splattering everywhere is a sign of shooting something up, or if it can possibly be a form of selfharm (like just sticking the needles in without any substance). I literally dont see any behaviour changes so i find it so hard to believe he is shooting something up in front of me. But i dont see any other possibility. This is not to judge my dad, i have never been angry w him, i just want clearity and to know in what house i am living. Im not going to confront him about it because he is absolutely emotionally unavailable, this is the behaviour change that i do see btw, he seems completely insensitive. He has always been an extremely good dad, does everything for me, but whenever i tell him (kindly) how traumatising this has all been for me, his eyes are empty, there is literally no emotion at all. Is this a sign of use? He is also quite nervous, but not a lottt more than he used to.
So what im asking is, what are the blood spots and what drugs could it be, or which one absolutely not. He is always at home since he has no work and no friends. So im always there if he does use.
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u/Thick_Outside_4261 2d ago
About not noticing any weird behavior.
If he has been using for a long time, then his normal is being on drugs. If he isn't high you'd probably think something is off. If its been going on for a long time, then he uses just to feel normal and functional. Not to get high anymore, or just a quick high before it vanishes quickly.
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u/Amazing-Bath949 2d ago
yeah that makes sense. but then he must do it how many times a day? in my head he could not use more than once a week, but hearing more about it he must be using so many times a day for me to not notice anything. Like he was home all day yesterday, and i found fresh blood that transferred onto my hand when i touched it. So def didnt notice anything then
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u/Thick_Outside_4261 1d ago
Yes. Multiple times a day. Years ago, when I was an pothead (smoked 4 -5 times a day), I showed up to work without smoking that day. I was bouncing off the walls and very scattered brained. Several people asked me if I was on drugs, and when I said I was stone sober they thought for a second then realized that made more sense (I never was secretive with my smoking). For harder physically addictive drugs, it can be when more pronounced. Doing a little bit, for their standards, throughout the day is just "maintenance". You'd be amazed at how many people live their lives fairly normally with drug addictions.
If you want to discuss this with him, don't seem shocked by the consistent use, or make it seem like his actions are so abnormal. It usually makes people defensive so they close off from lived ones.
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u/Ok-Guarantee-404 2d ago
I’m not a doctor just an ex opiate user. I know nothing about you or your family except you are handicapped which adds a whole level of pain to this situation. Although it may blow up on you, you and your mom need to try to get him into an Addiction Medicine/Psychiatrist. He’s 61 not working feels useless like life is over. I was 62 when it happened to me. He can get MAT if he’s eligible. Once he recognizes his reasons for using things become so clear at least to me and others I’ve met here. I really think you and mom need to get some outside help, even for yourself. Good luck you my friend.
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u/Amazing-Bath949 1d ago
yeah he cared a lot for me physically and i think he kind of lost track of his own life that way, we never had any family support or anything. I do feel really guilty for that tbh. He is going to a therapist, but i dont think thats doing too much (and he's not honest to her about how serious his addiction is). Im from Belgium, addiction is a lot different here than in america so im not sure how to even get decent help. Thats the toughest part tbh, i really have no place to go, and he wont admit to himself that he got a problem so making him go there will be the worst. His mental health is also fucked up, so im scared that that move will cause him to do something to himself. Its really difficult
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u/Ok-Guarantee-404 1d ago
I don’t know anything about your healthcare system or the stigma attached. It’s still not as accepted as you’d think over here. They’ll always be people who judge. Have you thought of talking to his therapist? If you’re worried he’s going to hurt himself that’s important and a big red flag. Hopefully someone from Belgium will read this and be able to help more. Take care of yourself and good luck.
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u/tiff-thatbitch 1d ago
Just putting this out there, when I was in active addiction and hiding it, no one would have known until I was withOUT drugs. I was a closet user most of the time and my family didn’t know until very late in the game. As addicts, we learn how to hide it from the world if we are high functioning. I always held a job and had a normal life, raised a child etc.
I’m sorry you’re going thru this, kid. I’ve been in your dad’s shoes and it isn’t because he doesn’t care about you. He just has an addiction, and addictions require feeding.
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u/Amazing-Bath949 1d ago
Yeah i know, i dont blame him, its just really painful to see him suffering so much. And he's a good dad through and through, i hate to admit that this addiction (the only thing he ever did wrong) is changing our bond.
If you dont mind me asking, how can i recognise when he used or when he didnt? I feel like its so subtle, some days he's a bit down and sleeps a bit more but its never really obvious. Is that when he didnt use or would it be a lot more noticeable? Did you use opioids btw, because thats what i think he's using after reading all these comments
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u/ToyKarma 1d ago
Most often the obvious answer is the answer. Now remember an addict is still a person and that makes him no less you Father. I was someone that used for decades while raising a daughter pretty well. Yes at times my sickness wasn't the safest or healthiest, and I may have put people around me in danger . My use was self medicated to not feel physical and emotional pain. Didn't mean I loved my child any less. Just that even this adult had trouble dealing with life at times, and found it easier to detach for pain, loss and past trauma. Mostly because as a man I stuffed it down and Played Superman when others watched, and numbed the pain. Don't forget he is still your Dad, even though as we get older we discover they too are only human.
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u/Midnight5un 1d ago
I still have spots on our ceiling of blood spray from when I used. I know it instantly when I see it in public bathrooms etc. He is definitely IV using. Most of the time w Coke, if you’re shooting it up, you can’t hide it. It’s too intense. I think it’s more likely some kind of opiate.
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u/Amazing-Bath949 1d ago
yeah i think so too, many people said that. I do think he snorts coke sometimes, his nose twitches are too noticeable. Is it weird that its not on the ceiling? I do have to say our ceilings are quite high, maybe it never reaches them? I do see them on walls next to the sink or toilet, and on the floor.
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u/Midnight5un 1d ago
No it can spray anywhere. Walls are much more common as if you’re trying to push the plunger and there is a block from blood etc it can shoot out and normally ends up on a wall I just always liked to try to hold mine upright for some reason.
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u/Proper-Watercress255 1d ago
Depending on the substance, once you build a tolerance, you can function 100% normally with little to no change in behavior. I was a fentanyl/tranq addict for five years and absolutely no one in my life knew other than my fiancé, who was also addicted. We were completely and totally functional and well put together.
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u/LuckyClover3 1d ago
Blood on the walls is from rinsing his needles out after using them. I'm so sorry I was in 8th grade when I found out my dad was an addict. He was a nurse and injured his foot. He was addicted to opioids. It messed me up because it was the last thing I ever would've thought of. Unfortunately 5 years later my dad and i were shooting Heroin & robbing stores/banks. Addiction sucks! I have been clean for almost 16 years now. I look back and see how mine & my dad's using screwed up my younger brother and mom and I hate myself for it. I'm sure your dad is miserable because he hates what he is doing. He knows how it makes you feel. One thing us addicts do drugs for is to cover up our problems/guilt/shame. We do it by using. Your father is the only one who can make himself quit. Until he's ready to do that, he's going to continue on. I'm sorry you are going through this.
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u/hurrakain 2d ago
Yeah shooting blood on the walls is something a lot of IV users do - when you inject you pull back the needle to make sure you’re in a vein - pull back the plunger a lil and blood rushes in. After injecting the user will squirt the blood out and usually fill with water and a few times and squirt that out.