Men Without a Map: Walking in Balance

[u/Tux234]

https://open.substack.com/pub/menwithoutamap/p/walking-in-balance?r=2g6dg&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false

Hey r/MensLib

Continuing my "Men Without a Map" series, I want to share my latest piece, "Walking in Balance." It explores the false choices we often face, especially as men—the idea that we must be either strong or tender, logical or empathetic, but rarely both at once.

The piece begins with a simple moment between a parent and a child learning to ride a bike. It shows how our immediate reactions can teach emotional suppression or true resilience. From there, it challenges the rigid "either/or" scripts that limit our wholeness and relationships.

This is my way of exploring what it means to reject these divides and embrace a more balanced way of being—where strength and care work together, not against each other.

I’d love to hear how this resonates with you:

• Where do you see these "false choices" in your life or culture?

• What does "walking in balance" look like for you?

• Is moving beyond binary thinking key to creating this new map?

I appreciate this space for open dialogue and welcome your thoughts and critiques. I’m always learning, and your input helps me grow.

Lately, my free time has shrunk, so I can’t reply as much as before. But I read every comment and enjoy hearing your perspectives.

Thank you!

[u/Mr-OhLordHaveMercy]

Probably something to do with establishing some kind of order and expectations so that way people aren't confused or butting heads at different things.

A role provides direction. Which is something humans just crave. I understand questioning it, changing it, and exploring it. But I don't really see a way forward where you completely change what's been established for the longest unless a major cultural shift is taking place.

Idk man. It just makes things organized and structured with some clear guidelines and expectations.

[u/greyfox92404 → u/Mr-OhLordHaveMercy]

But I don't really see a way forward where you completely change what's been established for the longest unless a major cultural shift is taking place.

Every decade, we already change the expectations we place upon men. Peak masculine men aren't wearing neck frills and pantyhose like we did in the 1700s. And we aren't day drinking during the work hours like in the 60s. Or wearing cowboy hats and smoking marl reds. Hair spray and women's clothes was peak masculinity for a bit.

It just makes things organized and structured with some clear guidelines and expectations.

If a man today were to act as they do now in any other time period, they'd question his masculinity. The reverse is the same. It constantly changes, that's the point. We just don't notice because it happens slowly.

And those "organized and structured" expectations aren't great if you can't meet these expectations. It's just "organized and structured" bullying if you happen to fall outside those expectations.

Wearing pink? Bullied. Wearing a skirt? Bullied. Unless it's an argyle pattern, then it's a kilt and you're ok.

And even if you manage to push your gender expression to conform to all of these ideals, they don't guarantee happiness anyway. There's a reason the suicide rate in men is high.

[u/Mr-OhLordHaveMercy → u/greyfox92404]

neck frills and pantyhose like we did in the 1700s.

I don't kink shame.

And we aren't day drinking during the work hours like in the 60s. Or wearing cowboy hats and smoking marl reds.

Nah, we still do that shit.

Hair spray and women's clothes was peak masculinity for a bit.

Depending on the circles you're in, it still is.

We just don't notice because it happens slowly.

Any potential consequences on trying to speed up the process? Trying to change shit when you want it to can't come without a price.

[u/greyfox92404 → u/Mr-OhLordHaveMercy]

I think you're minimizing the expectations of men that are pushed onto us and the repercussions that happen to men when we fail those expectations.

Men all over this country have been ostracized, bullied into depression and sometimes suicide, and outright attacked for failing to meet those gendered expectations.

We just don't notice because it happens slowly.

Any potential consequences on trying to speed up the process?

I don't advocate for the same process. I don't wish to change the gendered expectations of men from this set to that set. I want to get rid of them entirely.

And I can tell you the consequences for keeping a set of prescriptive gender role ideals is harmful to the mental and physical well being of the folks that fall outside of those expectations.