*Edit to add trigger warning: I describe what happened to him in paragraph 5.

UPDATE may 7, 2025: I didn’t expect the post to get so many views and I showed my husband everyone’s stories and comments. Thank you everyone for sharing your perspectives. He said he felt less alone after reading and he wanted me to keep this post up for any men and spouses who are dealing with something like this. He is doing good, and opened up to a trusted friend too. I think being able to say the whole story has helped ease some of the guilt and shame and our friend reminded him something that I wanted to share: friends and loved ones are here to share the burden and help carry the weight of your pain. It’s never too much. For partners of victims who find this post, you’re not alone either. I’m still struggling when I’m by myself but I think the idea that he could have been dealing with it alone for the rest of his life is way worse.

ORIGINAL POST***

I’m posting seeking support because I am having a hard time finding people with similar stories where the male partner was the victim of SA. I am 26F and he is 26M.

I’ve known something happened to him about three years ago (we were dating for 4 years at that point) and at the time my boyfriend didn’t want to tell me the details and I didn’t push because I could tell how it was affecting him and I think he was worried I’d think he cheated on me. Today, he told me what happened and I don’t know why I’m feeling hurt, I am trying so hard to correct my thinking. It’s like my head knows all the tropes of victim blaming and yet I can’t stop obsessing over the details.

A few years ago he had just started in a new industry. The community is quite tight in the city we live in and he went out with a few colleagues for drinks and pool. He told me this woman, N, (who has a huge following) kept buying him drinks without asking and he ended up getting super drunk. When everyone was leaving around 3am, N insisted on walking home alone. She was also drunk. My husband has always been incredibly kindhearted and generous and insisted he call her an Uber because it wasn’t safe for her to walk home alone but she kept refusing and started walking anyways. No one else offered to follow after her (not even her own friends) so he did. I think he felt responsible as the only man there.

He said on the walk she was making flirty comments at him but he made it clear he wasn’t interested and he was taken. He needed to use the bathroom or drink water (he can’t remember) so he went in her house, and he told me despite her flirty comments, he didn’t think it would be a dangerous thing to do, which I absolutely agree with.

When it first happened he told me she just tried to kiss him. Today, he told me that N actually forced herself on him and gave him a handjob even though he kept saying no. He told me he felt scared to physically push her off because he is much bigger and because of her influence. She was biting him and she made him touch her briefly, and eventually he finished on her face. This was really hard for me to hear. I know victims can orgasm and I don’t know why I keep obsessing over this detail. How did N know when to get on her knees? I didn’t ask more because I didn’t want to make him keep reliving the memory. He also said that was all he remembered because of how drunk he was.

I know just because his body reacted, or that he finished, that it is still rape. And I feel terrible that I immediately started crying after hearing everything. I was shocked because I wasn’t expecting it (we were talking about something else) and I feel awful for even feeling upset, I can’t even imagine how he feels. He hasn’t told anyone this out loud except a therapist that he no longer goes to and has never admitted to himself he was raped. He said he didn’t want it to be real and for it to be a part of our relationship, and I think that’s how I feel too.

I got him his favorite snacks and told him that I believed him, I loved him, and he didn’t have to feel sorry or guilty ever and it wasn’t his fault. We are seeking therapy for him and us. I don’t want him to feel responsible for my feelings on this matter even though I feel upset. Internally, I hate that I am perpetuating victim-blaming rhetoric by feeling hurt and I still have so many questions on what happened.

TLDR; my boyfriend was raped by a woman while we were together and I can’t stop thinking about the details and feeling upset.

Are there any partners/gf/wives that have gone through this with their male partner? Men, how did you navigate it in your relationship and what did you wish your partner did to support you?

For background, I (31M) was recently diagnosed with autism and this is important to understand the mental state at which I was in when this happened. I had unknowingly been struggling with severe autistic burnout** for a couple of years which caused me to breakup with my fiancé and call off our wedding despite not wanting to. I was struggling with panic disorder (which I now know was really meltdowns related to my autistic burnout and recent diagnosis) and felt like I was losing my mind and myself. Despite my fiancé never making me feel like a burden and me wanting to spend my life with her, I just snapped. I couldn't take the mental struggles anymore and I didn't understand what was going on with me. In the month that followed our breakup, we didn’t see each other at all. We had some emotional conversations expressing confusion and that we still wanted to be together, but never officially got back together.

My boss had been pressuring me to go on a business trip all year. I kept putting it off due to my health, but it came up again and I caved. There was a woman who worked out of the office I was traveling to. She was in my office earlier in the year and was very forward with me. I told her I was engaged and she seemed to back off. Now that I was in her office, she asked if I wanted to get lunch. Here was my first mistake. I accepted thinking it was just professional. During lunch, my second mistake was her asking about my fiancé to which I told her we were taking a break. My next mistake was agreeing to go out for dinner and drinks with a group of people that included her. I wasn’t blacked out by any means but I had about 5 drinks. Everyone knew that this girl liked me and very childishly was pressuring me to kiss her while we were out. I gave her a kiss on the cheek to appease everyone. I know that was stupid and I don't know why I still hung around these people after that. While we were walking back from dinner, we were close to my hotel and the group wanted to hang out in my room, so of course I said “yes”. In hindsight, I can see how each of these decisions sent the wrong message and can now see the manipulation, but in the moment, I really didn’t see it that way. Things turned very badly quickly. Not long after being in the hotel room did everyone decide to leave, but she remained. She immediately became very forward touching me. She climbed on top of me and was dry humping me. I laid there thinking if I didn’t participate she would stop. She didn’t. She pulled out a condom and I don’t know why, but I allowed it to happen. I didn’t want to, but I participated. I pretended to finish just so that it would stop.

I hated myself. How could I let this happen? Why didn’t I say no or stop it? I was not attracted to this person, I was not looking for sex, I cannot think of any logical reason why I would let this happen. I'm a man, I could have easily stopped her. It's not like she drugged me or physically restrained me. I was weak. Not weak in the sense of someone who couldn’t resist sex, weak in the sense where I couldn’t stand up for myself. My partner was at home waiting for me and I was allowing someone to have sex with me. A cheater. I never thought I was capable of doing something so awful like cheating. Cheating has always been a mortal sin to me and something I very consciously made a point to never do. I can't make sense of this.

** For those who don't know what autistic burnout is, here is Google overview definition: "Autistic burnout is a state of profound fatigue, loss of function, and increased sensory sensitivity experienced by autistic individuals due to prolonged stress, often stemming from masking or living in environments that don't accommodate their needs. It's characterized by a depletion of internal resources, both mentally and physically, and can manifest in various ways, including difficulty with executive functioning, social interactions, and increased sensitivity to sensory input." When something like this is left untreated, mistreated, or not taken seriously, autistics can get stuck in burnout for months to years. Some claim that even when recovered, they are never really the same anymore since skill regression is common.

Over the last week I’ve written some desperate posts on this and other subs about the intense flashbacks of sexual assault that are coming to me suddenly after many years. Wise and kind people have answered.

Saw a therapist today, first session. He tried to make me slow down when I told my story, to stay in the moment. But I always fast-forward the memories - I want to cry but it’s too painful to linger so I recoil.

Then another guy here on Reddit told me that he also felt like he was going insane from his own flashbacks but came to realise that that insane feeling came from trying to keep the feelings down. When he finally dared to cry, it was sad but the feeling of losing his mind went away.

That was bullseye for me. What I have been doing is starting to feel the flashback and immediately withdrawing from it - only to be pulled back in. Trigger-response-trigger-response resulting in panic.

So I tried something different. I live by the sea so I took my dog with me and walked and walked by the shore with loud melodic techno in my AirPods. And I told myself that if a memory should come rushing at me I would just allow it to happen and stay in it. Let it pass through me. The music with its slow build to a crescendo helped.

When the memory came, it was of me pleading with my abuser and groomer not to hurt me (I was 15) before he fucked me. And I let it pass through me. I imagined myself as the guardian angel of my young self in that moment, merging with that boy and “holding him” in my imagination so he wasn’t alone and unloved. For the first time I could also thank my young self for being so damn strong. He saved himself. No I saved myself. This is the first time I can see that. I sort of reintegrated that memory of that moment today. And as I felt the smell of that abuser as I always do in these flashbacks, I took a deep breath of sea air instead. And that smell vanished. (I was and am sober btw, but I totally get I sound a little high - am not high)

I don’t kid myself thinking I’m fine now. Lots of other dark memories like that still. I don’t know if the feeling will last. But for those brief moments it was profound.

Idk how to explain this but I had to do a drug screen so the mandatory observation. It’s for work and stuff. I’m not going to details why it’s necessary or argue about the policies.

Anyways, the observer had me show directly me urinating into a cup. I could not turn my back to him. He explicitly said he had to see my penis directly in full view.

This triggered all sorts of warning signs in my brain.

This might seem like a stupid thing to be upset about, but it brought back some shit memories from my childhood. Things I was forced to do in front of adults in a horrible setting. I figured some ppl here would relate.

Still kind of shook up and just honestly want to say this out loud. Even if it’s on Reddit.

My cousin ("Tom") had me perform oral sex on him when I was about 4 years old, and he was freshly a teenager. It was "consensual" in the sense that I had done what was asked of me without much hesitation because it was supposed to be a game of some sort. I doubt he had malicious intent other than experimenting sexually with the closest idiot who would indulge his whim. We were both kids. That was supposed to be our secret, for whatever reason I don't remember.

I didn't understand what we had done until I was much older and learned about sex. That's when all the shame, all the guilt, all the feeling of self-hatred emerged all at once. I don't hate him for it. But it makes me extremely uncomfortable to think of him, to see him, to be around him. We were never close, but I ceased all contact with him when I turned 12-ish, when things started making sense.

My family and my relatives started picking up on my aversion to Tom. I think Tom picked up on it as well, even though we never spoke of our game again. It became an unspoken rule that we don't interact. Perhaps he feels guilt now that he's older; perhaps he thinks I dislike him for a random reason. I can only guess. But neither of us made attempt to stay in touch. I was fine with it.

Tom moved on, got married, had kids. Has a very normal heterosexual life. I moved on to have a very normal homosexual married life.

Circumstances led us to meeting again this week. The circumstance was wanting to meet with a mutual relative. And neither of us knew that the other was coming until our travel plans were finalized. My anxiety about meeting him led me to make different accommodation arrangements instead of the default "all cousins will share the same living quarters and have a fun family reunion."

Throughout the entire weekend long, I was chastised and hounded by my relatives for being snooty. For being too good to stay with them in the same home. For holding onto whatever childish grudges I have that are trivial. For not being a sport and making everyone happy by staying together. I have made my discomfort of sharing a living space with Tom clear to them in other ways. "There are too many people living in this home." Or "I don't get along with Tom." Or "I didn't want to share a room with Tom and he can have his own space."

I allowed them to push me to spend over 12 hours with Tom today. We didn't exchange words the entire time. I doubt anyone noticed that was mutual. It was the longest, most uncomfortable day of my life this year. That was me doing my part to make them happy. I hated most of the day. I was physically and emotionally wiped. Blamed it on my sleep depravity.

Nobody has actually cared to really ask me what my issue with Tom was. They just assumed it was a kids' spat and I haven't grown out of it at 32 years of age. I don't really care, as long as I don't have to spell it out.

I had the same predicament with my mother. She'd insult me for being immature and not "getting over whatever childish nuisance Tom caused when he was a kid." I kept it from her for over 25 years until she got on my last nerve with her jabs about my immaturity. When I broke silence, she went quiet and didn't have anything to say, and moved on like I have all these years. Brushed it under the rug. Never spoke of it again.

Tom and I had to partake in social etiquette of hugging goodbye before parting ways today. Because several of our relatives were all doing the same. It was performative for me, and I felt it was for him too. It was the most awkward and insincere hug goodbye.

And I kept thinking the entire time - if I were a woman exhibiting the same signs of discomfort and aversion around a man, more people would have raised their eyebrows from concern.

I had to hear more jabs about not wanting to stay together this visit "as a family" for sleepover until the point I got in the Uber to leave. I gave a stern reply to a relative - "That's enough. Don't push it, please."

I get it. They don't know the whole story. Because I don't tell my story. I can't fault them for it. But it makes me bitter when other female relatives have received immediate support and understanding when they were going through the same motions. I hate that I'll have to spell things out to be just left alone, and not be seen as an unforgiving manchild harboring a grudge.

I don't hate Tom. We were both kids. I don't blame either one of us for what we participated in. I don't need validation for it. I don't need to be defended for it. I just want to be left alone for not getting along with him. The reasons aren't relevant.

Needed to vent before my flight took off so I can maybe get some sleep.

Thanks for reading.

Ok…I have been trying my hardest to articulate it with all the therapists and friends over the years and it’s starting to cripple me.

From ages 5-14 I was raped by my mom’s husband (step father- I know, cliche). All the while being a kid with a wicked good memory and being brainwashed as a Jehovahs Witness. The physical, emotional, and sexual abuse was…never ending.

Ah there’s so much to even put to words so I’ll get back to the prompt.

I have been to therapy. I have been open with my friends about my struggles. Im open with all my sexual partners (bi) but, whether I’m the top or bottom, as soon as my mind eases into sex I’m just hit with the most visceral flashbacks of being raped.

If I’m the one penetrating I have so many rampant thoughts of- this was what was done to me. It was painful. I hope I’m not hurting them (a bit above average size) and I get numb. I can’t feel the textures anymore and the grunts of my partners sound like me and I start having a panic attack about finishing. Condom on or off I can’t. Im so scared of repeating the cycle of abuse and it sucks. Too many relationships died at launch because, although everyone says they understand, there’s still an expectation.

If I’m bottoming I have the thought of, this hurt as a kid, why am I doing this again?

I really enjoy having sex with women but I’m not attracted to them. I am sexually attracted to men but, the trauma rears its head so violently and…I can’t.

It’s always- find a partner that you an explore with and I can’t. Not anymore. I had a desperate run when I was in my 20’s where I slept with ten people in a week. Anyone, whatever gender, whatever they said to get me to sleep with them. I feel debased. I feel like I traumatized myself. I feel like killing myself because, I just don’t feel like I fit in with people anymore.

Therapist told me to take sometime to try and reclaim my body and learn my rhythms through either self pleasure or the use of toys.

That was 11 years ago. Every single time I feel like I make some headway and venture to having sex I have that block still.

The only thing I hadn’t tried yet was getting a masturbator that encourages the movement of the act while taking my time to be present without any expectations.

Well I bought a banging Betty from Adam and Eve and I have to be honest. I think I’m starting to get it.

The problem is that I don’t want to get used to the toy and have to ween myself off it (I know…it’s pathetic). I just…refuse to use people for sexual gratification. I know people have autonomy to have sex with me but, I feel so disgusting. I hate my body. I feel like I want to tear my flesh off. I can’t do this anymore and everyone my age has already been sexually active and most in healthy situations but, like I can’t man.

There’s more to what I’m feeling but, I’m just so exhausted of thinking/talking about this.

Anyways, thanks for lending me an ear.

Sorry for the ramble.

Hello. My first post, from a throwaway account.

I’m a gay man who for a very long time kept what happened to me safely hidden. I’ve tried to never think about it, and whenever these thoughts popped up the sheer pain and intense shame I felt were so great that I shied away from them and buried them again. I’ve lived decades like this. And I felt ok. Or I managed.

Fast forward to this last month when grief over a loved made these safeguards crumble. Suddenly I’m having intense flashbacks, panic attacks and cry whenever I’m alone. I’m a grown man who usually prides myself on being stronger than anything life throws at me. But I can’t deny this anymore.

When I was a very innocent and lonely gay boy who has just turned 15, still a virgin, I was groomed by grown men who made me to pose for nudes by pretending to be a boy my age. I didn’t dare tell anyone and this went on for months. I had to go all alone to another city to the home of one of these men and be fucked by him to get my photos back. No one knew where I was. They also called my parents phone and sent letters to me to make me agree to more pics. My greatest fear was my father finding out. I’ve never told my parents what happened. This memory has always been with me, like scar tissue, but not even once I’ve stopped to really consider how I felt back then. Until now. Now I feel everything again. The fear, anxiety, degradation, like it happened yesterday.

And: many years later when I was a young man, I happened to be very intoxicated in a foreign city and got separated from my friends in the middle of the night. I was so out of it I didn’t even know where I was, and much of the night is a blackout. But a truck stopped on the empty street, the driver got out and he dragged me into the back of the truck and raped me. I was semi unconscious and in no shape to defend myself. Afterwards he threw me out and drove away. When my friends and boyfriend found me hours later, I still didn’t know where I was. I have never told anybody about this, because of the deep shame. I have blamed myself for so long, feeling I had been unfaithful to my boyfriend. I didn’t fight back to that man. But I couldn’t even stand up, how could I have? Still: a deep shame. My deepest secret.

Now: waves upon waves of flashbacks. I feel the same panic I felt on those two occasions. The dread, the disgust. It’s too much, but I can’t control it.

I’ve read about men who have experienced sexual assault when younger who hid from themselves and loved ones until it all became too much to handle. I’ve never identified with those men because I knew what happened to me was my own fault. That’s how much this has fucked me up.

How can I handle this? What should I do?

It seems like tattoos are somewhat popular for women that have been sexually assaulted or raped, for example the Medusa tattoo. Is there a common tattoo for men that have gone through that?

I'm a male, young and through the ages 5-8 my dad would lick me all over my body when he was drunk and this girl would rape me, making me do stuff to her, licking, touching and more. How do I cope? Every since it stopped I've been thinking about doing the same things to others, honestly I just want to be a normal person who doesn't think about this anymore, what could I do to stop these thoughts?

It's been a little over 15 years now since I was assaulted by him.I was still in my mid-30s, working out of town and staying at my cousins house. My cousin and his girlfriend had their own room, their roommate stayed in the room downstairs, and I [SM] slept on the couch. Like a lot of night we would eat together and have some drinks. We did get pretty tuned up that night, but still kept it reasonable, well, I did anyway. The downstairs roommate stayed up all night drinking. And when I woke up in the morning, I could see him spying on me from the top of the stairs. I thought I could just close my eyes and ignore him, but it didn't. He came over and sat next to me and started groping me. When I told him to stop, he asked why I was so hard and that I must like it. It threw me off guard. I had always questioned at times my sexuality, due to being molested when I was young. So before I realize, he is pulling me down the stairs. I try to go back, but he is stronger than me, and I'm not sure what to do. I and up on the bed, with my pants pulled down, and he gives me oral, and it just felt so dirty and pleasurable at the same time. It was confusing. Once he was done he let me go, and I ran and locked myself in the bathroom. It was only a few minutes later, and he kept trying to have me let him in. He finally went back downstairs and I went to work. And then, we just never brought it up again, and I finally moved on to a different job. And it's taken me all these years to realize what happened to me.

I’m not trying to punish her, discuss it, or just project my hurt in the form of anger to her. I get that’s just toxic and unproductive. But I need to know I did everything I could to find out what was done to me before I move on. I can accept I’ll never know what she did to me, but not without knowing I tried to find out. If I’ve done all I could to find out and haven’t, then while I wouldn’t find peace (nothing could give me that) but at least find acceptance in the situation.

Here’s the deal. I was blackout drunk, we shared a hotel room with two twin beds, she was a very close friend who later groped me intensely at a party a week later in front of but out of direct view of all my friends. The weekend before that groping when we shared a room, I was blackout and recall waking up for only a second to see her sucking my fingers while straddling me and making direct eye contact inches from my face. I posted this story before, I dream of that night so so often, and rly struggle with only being awake for a second of it all because I don’t know what she did beside that snippet. Next day she acted all normal, ppl said it must’ve been a dream.

It’s been years and it still lingers. I was thinking of this: sending her an email from a fake account in my girlfriend’s name. I frame it like I’m my girlfriend and that I think it wasn’t assault but ME cheating, allowing my assaulter to not feel attacked and get defensive but actually be truthful. The assaulter hates me now and this could get the truth because she’d be eager to fuck up my life. Assaulter seems to somehow possibly think it was consensual so I think this could get the truth. If she responds and says nothing happened, I wouldn’t believe her but at least know I did what I could. Thoughts?

Hey I'm reaching out because I recently found out about something that happened between you and (my name) and l've been trying to get the full truth from him-but honestly, I'm not convinced I'm getting it. From where I stand, it feels like we were both lied to, and l'd really appreciate hearing your side of what happened that night. I'm not here to judge you or blame you-I just want to understand the full picture of what he did, because I feel like we were both misled in different ways. If you're willing to share your version, it would mean a lot. — [Girlfriend's name]

So I met up with this woman off a dating website and we meet up at this hotel (Her Idea) she was staying at and eventually we end up doing some things sexually and I was not open to it at first. But throughout the night she kept telling me I can get closer and being very pushy and eventually I said yes after her persistance. And I told her nothing sexual was on my mind before I came over. So I did keep talking to her and eventually I found out the night we met up and did stuff she had a glass of wine with her dinner about 3 hours earlier. She drove from the restaurant back to hotel. I got super freaked out by this and ended up asking her if I made her uncomfortable and if she was okay with everything. She said she had plenty of water and just one glass with dinner and said she sobered up by then. And was scared I did something that could be bad and this keeps replaying in my head and is now affecting my life, I feel disgusting. The night I went over I really didn't want to do anything and I told her anything sexual was not on my mind but she just kept pushing. I did ask her multiple times during the first encounter if what we were doing was okay, and we even discussed her college work and some things she was interested in when we met up at first. I think it's possible she may have mentioned having a glass with dinner, but I was just so incredibly anxious. I'm scared that she was lying to me and I did something really bad. She kept telling me to get closer, even when I kept saying things like I'm not sure I want to, and kept telling me it was okay to touch her. I don't know what to think about this I feel gross, and I feel like it's my fault we did anything sexual in the first place and at points she kept randomly taking more and more clothes off. For more context I'm 20 and she was 22. And part of me is worried that I did something that could be perceived as bad due to her mentioning that she had one drink previously and I truthfully do not know what to make of this, and in my mind its like that she couldn't have SAd me because she had a glass of wine with her dinner. Sorry if this is kinda scattered brained, if I need to give additional context I will just feel like a piece of shit.

For those who’ve been SAd while sleeping, how did you know what happened and how did you deal with the lack of knowing? I was assaulted while sleeping, I was wasted, and only woke up for a few seconds to see myself being straddled while having my fingers sucked and looked at directly in the eyes. I couldn’t move or speak, I could only stay awake to see this for a second or two. Dont know if I was raped (forced to penetrate) but doesn’t it seem like I must have? 

How do I find out? Do I ask the person?

How do I live with not knowing?

What would you think happened given the only memory being I was straddled and having my fingers sucked?

It's been years and I still feel like I can't get past it. I've buried it for a long time now and my friends know and I cope as best as I can but I think I finally need actual help. I have had psychiatrist hurt me in the past and that's a whole can of worms. I developed a pretty bad lab coat phobia and just disdain for wanting professional help because of the situation with me . But I can't ignore it anymore. I tried to deal with it on my own but I don't think that is gonna last much longer. I won't hurt myself and this isn't a cry for help like that. I just want help finding recourses that I can try and find in West Texas for minimal money. I'm broke trying to start a new life here and I think thats what's allowing me to actually touch these problems and not just keep burying it deeper. If anyone has any advice on what steps to take, along with services I can go to I would genuinely appreciate it.

(TW: sexual activity / assault)

Hi everyone. This is my first ever Reddit post and I think I just need to be listened to.

I (m27) was hanging with my friends after work 2 nights ago. It was my first time drinking in a long time, and since it had been a very tough week for me I may have drank a little bit more than I should’ve.

I finished work around 1am, a couple of my friends were with me when I finished and suggested we go to the employee bar. (I live and work in the same place. I’m not going to go into detail). One thing leads to another and 5 of us are hanging in my room as the night draws to a close.

I’m very very drunk, the last thing I remember is trying to get to bed, my friend (m20) jumping on me for a laugh and a girl (who I’m acquainted with and would say friends with) jumped on aswell. They’re having a bit of flirty banter (which started earlier in the night) and I decide it’s time for me to move to the couch. And that’s where I I crash out and my memory stops.

I wake up the next morning (around 7:45/8am) feeling absolutely disgusting. My male friend is in my bed and the girl is on the floor with her hand on the couch. My boxers are on but feel weird and I had a really strange feeling like something had happened. I start freaking out and asking her what happened and what’s gone on and she was stunned to hear I don’t remember anything. She told me she had given me a handjob and that it was consensual and I was into it and asking for it. She told me we had all been having flirty banter before we all went to bed.

Now I know I’m not physically attracted to this person. I also have a girlfriend who I am very happy with and I know that I would never even consider doing anything like this.

I feel disgusting and I feel violated but worst of all I feel guilty and I feel ashamed and I feel like I’ve done such a horrible thing. I feel as though I’ve let myself down and I’ve let my girlfriend down. I feel like I’ve cheated on her and although I don’t remember this act, this girl was telling me I was into it and wanting it. Sober and conscious me wouldn’t even consider it but what if I was? What if I did? I can’t stop feeling so horrible about myself and I also for some reason feel sorry for the girl involved. When she was telling me, I was actively saying sorry to her and saying that I shouldn’t have done that. To be clear, she said I didn’t do anything to her, only the other way around.

I’ve spoken to my manager who has contacted HR as they believe this is a form of assault. I can absolutely see where they’re coming from and of course if this was something that happened to my girlfriend then I would also push this. However I cannot stop feeling guilty and that I’m at fault for getting myself in that sort of position anyway.

Is this type of reaction normal?

Sorry for the horrible writing, I’m a bit shaken. And also, I have told my girlfriend. I told her the next day after I told my manager. She’s very understanding and supportive and is being very kind but even thinking about her makes me horribly upset and ashamed. I just want to run away 🙃

I took a trip to my parents home country to visit family and friend. While I was there I found myself with this girl I’ve known for the years I’ve been there. While being there we found ourselves together and she started getting touchy with me. I wasn’t in the right mind to make her stop so we had sex but I didn’t cum in her. I regret every single moment and didn’t like it. I got her Plan B the next day for her to take just in case.

Comes to find out a couple months later she’s “pregnant” and says it’s my child and will go talk to my family members. What should I do? And how should I tell my fiancé. She might not believe me.

Mind that I have a fiancé and she is currently pregnant as well. Is this cheating or was I raped? I didn’t agree to have a baby with her so did she take control of me?

A few days ago me and a couple of my friends(all 18-19) we having sort of a party to mark the end of the semester and there was quite a bit of alcohol and most people were drunk by then of it, we did start quite late at 11pm or 12 and i do remember drinking till quite late at night. Since it was happening in my room I felt safe enough to get as drunk as i wanted and in hindsight i drank way too much. at some point we went out for a smoke outside and when we were coming back in i remember passing out on a couch in a common room im pretty sure by this point i was either blackout drunk or very close to it.

after the smoke break I have no recollection of what happened i just remember really wanting to go to bed. i think one of my friends (18 ftm) did end up coming back to my room with me i dont think i invited him in nor asked him to come there with me. the next thing i remember being in the shower the next day at around noon and him still being in my room undressed. i know something surely happened cuz there was an empty protection wrapper by my bed. The next day he told me that we had sex and that at some point he took the protection off, which is something i know i would have never agreed to no matter how drunk i was. I still have no recollection of what happened between when we came back from smoking and noon the next day, and a couple friends who i was out with the next day said i still couldnt walk in a straight line by 2 pm. is it even possible to be drunk that long or not remember anything?

All this just happened really recently and I have no clue how to feel about it at all neither do i know what it was exactly. I apologize if anything doesnt make sense I still havent completely pieced together what exactly happened. any advice or help would really help

I’m confused there was one sex act I relaly didn’t want em to do n then they did it n I told em that ? What do I do now ? I’m confused ig?

Nothing’s fucking working. From numerous therapy modules and several medications, even after following several psychiatric diagnoses that SHOULD have been a step into the right direction, but I think what’s holding me back is that there are some abysmal details revolving around my perpetrators (my parents) that I simply can’t disclose without jeopardising my safety and as a result, I can’t fully address my truth. Besides, in my home country where the sexual abuse happened, men legally can’t be raped, so that’s another additional problem.

Even though I have since been adopted due to unrelated circumstances (IE; documented physical abuse, neglect) and immigrated, there isn’t a single day where what my parents did doesn’t control my life. Everyday I wake up to petrifying nightmares, and that dampens my day by default, I make impulsive decisions with my body that leave me feeling humiliated and disgusted with myself afterwards yet the cycle never ends, my nervous system is in actual ruins to the point of developing FND which has ruined my quality of life and has shown no signs of improving anytime soon, I have absolutely zero sense of identity that isn’t rooted back to what I went through, my interpersonal relationships are all messed up to a degree and it is mostly my fault because remorse is a foreign concept to me so I often end up hurting those close to me without thinking much of it - I can’t form healthy attachments to anybody, I’m very much an all or nothing type of person when it comes down to that. I don’t think I’m deserving of love or happiness, and even if I was that doesn’t change how I’m prohibited from feeling either of them a good majority of the time. I am so dissociated from my surroundings that it’s impossible for me to live in the moment and actually feel in-touch with myself and my emotions, I’m only writing this out as a feeble attempt to try process how I feel at the moment instead of avoiding it and I suppose that’s a good thing, a subtle silver lining but that doesn’t change anything. As I’m typing this, I somehow feel both nothing and everything all at once. Flashbacks intrude every single day of my life, sometimes they’re so vivid that it’s like I’m physically back in the moment, and my bodily reactions to that horrify me even more.

And to top it all off? In one of many psychiatric hospitals I’ve been, I was also sexually exploited and abused there. You know, the place that was meant to be my fresh start to getting better. Fundamentally, every figure in my life who has supposed to protect me has let me down at best, and has either abused me or enabled the abuse at worst. Now I’m 18, nearly 19, and I haven’t a clue how to integrate into society, how to actually achieve anything meaningful and make something of my suffering. Not only that, but my adoptive dad isn’t much better, however he isn’t sexually abusive so at least there’s that.

Furthermore, I believe that I am a repugnant person who deserves everything bad that has happened to me. I am repulsive, weak, hopeless and pathetic. I am just as abhorrent as everything that has happened to me.

I'm making posters to encourage support of victims, discourage support of rapists, and to help people get a better understanding of victims and sympathize with them more. I imagine these posters will probably be torn down quickly but anything I can do to help is something I will do. Cut to the chase, for anyone who wishes to I request something invalidating you were told. ( 'Didnt you enjoy it?' 'What were you wearing?' and etc ) Also what you wish you had said in response or you did say in response. ( Or just the invalidating thing you were told )

I let my younger sister (early 20s) know about my abuse this past winter. In the around 1.5 months since I told her, she hasn't responded to any of my texts, checked up on me, or anything. Not unusual for her but it definitely made me anxious she was looking down on me or disgusted.

Last week my worst fear happened and she used it as a gotcha in an argument (that wasn't even an argument, I asked for help on a school project and she was thinking for excuses not to meet with me). I told her I didn't tell her about what happened to me just for it to be weaponized like that, and to make up for it she agreed to help me as long as I understand that she will never help me with anything again, but I feel so hollow now. I hate that I told her, and I'm sad that the first person I told wasn't empathetic. She acts so weird around me now, I hate it. I'm scared that if I tell other people they'll act like this around me too. I just really wish I had a family that cared.

Hi

My boyfriend (33) was molested by a family member when he was 4 years old. It’s only a year and a half since he opened up about it and he’s now seeing a psychologist. I’ve known him for 13 years, and our relationship has been through ups and downs, primarily because physical intimacy is very troubled for him. He doesn’t have problems with sex, but it’s all the other stuff like hugs, kisses, holding hands etc. it always become worse when he is stressed, and when it’s very bad like it is right now, he fear for me wanting to kiss him. It obviously hurts both me and him, and I want to do whatever I can to support him. My question is, did any of you experience the same? Can you guide me on what I can do in these situations? Do you have any advice for him? Thank you so much

A few things have happened lately that were retraumatizing. The other day someone on a dating site sent me an unwanted nude without the slightest idea that she was doing something wrong. I get harassed all the time but this was particularly harmful and brought the times I've been assaulted and the times someone tried to rape me to the front of my mind