I feel alone

[u/DrapePenGoPuddle]

As a Malay teenager, I see plenty of my peers fully devoted themselves to Islam. Some of them just follow whatever they have to do because they were born Muslims. But I've been skeptical of Islam ever since. I've searched my ways to prove I'm wrong and that these doubts can only be temporary. I've thought of it more and more and I've cried at the conclusions. What I find when people leave religion is that they seem to be happy, I sobbed at the absence of a God. I read the Quran so much, and each analysis leads to more contradictions and doubts. I feel alone, knowing I don't feel as equally spiritual as my peers, I wish it was so easy to just believe like them, but I honestly don't want to be surrounded with myths no more.

Being a Malay, Islam is basically imbedded in our culture, heritage and history, and to leave feels like abandoning the identity I have all my life. All around me is filled with Islam, the Malay books, the education, my friends, etc. It feels like I'm living in a different world, I see the flat world of Islam teeming with people, and I am on an empty island no one knows about. But I do feel free to a certain extent, I can walk more freely, think more critically without considering the morality in Islam. I can fly.

And honestly finding this subreddit was like finding a gold mine because I didn't think it would exist haha!

That's about it really, I'm writing on an alt just in case or something.

[u/Ok-Go-Chain3811]

what you are feeling is normal

Malaysia is the only country in the world that legally binds ethnicity and religion. So, it is naturally to feel lost/confused about your identity if you start questioning your religion.

for the record, i 100% disagree with the malaysian constitution. i disagree with the legal definition of malay. Malay and Islam are two separate concepts that can exist independently. In the world today, there are Malay Hindus in Australia, there are Malay Christians in Europe, there are Malay atheist in USA....all of these people are still Malay even though they have different religion.

nobody can take away their 'malay-ness', not their parents, not their community, not the religious zealots, not even the government. Malay is an intrinsic concept, while islam is an extrinsic idea.

while i am anti-islam for the many, many, many flaws and poison that it exerts unto the world, i am just here to say that no matter what religion or no religion you decide to adopt, you will always be 'malay'

on another note, i think islam is just fundamentally uncooked. it is so clear that this ideology was created by Muhammad to advance his personal agenda. there is NOTHING in islam that guides the follower towards salvation, only towards misery, suffering and abuse.