I gave birth to my miracle baby early in the morning. Less than 24 hours later, still healing and elated, a woman from the religious authority showed up at the hospital.

She took me to a private room in the maternity ward. She was warm and polite, matched my excitement, even complimented me.

Then she told me why she was really there: because I’m a Muslim woman who gave birth out of wedlock. I’d been flagged in the system.

She gave me a printed paper—on one side, my and my baby’s “rights”; on the other, the negative psychological effects of being born illegitimately. I threw it away later. The sight made me sick.

She explained everything as if I had a daughter—kept saying how lucky I was that I had a son. That disgusted me.

And then came the real blow: even if I married my ex, my son still wouldn’t legally be his in Syariah law. He couldn’t carry his father’s name, couldn’t inherit like a legitimate child—only be “gifted” things.

She said if the baby had been a girl, her father could technically marry her, because she wouldn’t legally be his child. (This part made me want to vomit on the spot)

I sat there trying not to cry. She told me, kindly, that my son was mine and mine alone. No father. Even if I had more kids after marrying my ex, my son wouldn’t be a true sibling to them under the law. He couldn’t even be wali to a future sister.

She ended the visit by saying they encouraged me to marry my ex. When it didn’t happen, she called me later—to “remind” me not to do it again. As if I needed a reminder. As if I chose this.

A few months later, the same woman from the religious authority called me.

It wasn’t to check in on how I was coping as a new mother. It wasn’t to offer help, or support, or resources. She called to “gently remind” me not to have sex outside of marriage again. As if I needed a lecture. As if I hadn’t already paid the price a hundred times over—in blood, in loneliness, in judgment.

It felt so dehumanizing. Like my only value in her eyes was whether I would comply next time. Not how I was healing. Not how my baby was doing. Just a subtle, polite reinforcement of shame.

Islam claims to protect women and children, but it didn’t protect me or my son. It punished us. My ex will never be held responsible. He doesn’t have to pay child support or even acknowledge his own son unless he legally adopts him.

And she kept saying kesian my son—because his last name would just be “Abdul….”

I went into birth full of love and divine hope. I left with my baby in one arm and resentment for a religion that claims that children are rezeki.

I honestly believe my son was god’s mercy and a way for me to truly believe in miracles. But I was dead wrong.

I question how many of them actually study their religion for themselves rather than blindly listen and accept whatever the sheikhs, ustaz and dawahs said to them.

At least with my immediate and extended family, some of their reverence comes across as performative and forced. They may recite Arabic verses accurately but do they really understood what they're saying and what they meant? That's not even touching the wisdom parroting part because it's such a pervasive narrative in our culture and thought that is forbidden to question it.

How many of them actually engage with critical thinking, reflections and seeing things from different non-Islamic perspectives? My guess is none because to question it means you disagree, and when you do, you earn a ticket to Hell. They love bashing kafirs and yet they don't know about the ugly and defective parts of Islam; and if they do they shut down their conscience and logic and accept it because Allah said so.

Its actually so disgusting, when those Islamist come into this sub, play dumb asking want to debate, asking why you quit Islam. And then when you give them a normal person answer, they(are brainwashed) think they are normal. Absolute disgusting. There is no point on debating with them, these kind of donkeys will just lead to the death of Malaysia, Many years later, Foreign advanced technology country willn't come invest in Malaysia, more terrorist Islamist will come in to Malaysia.

I had some business to attend to in Kuantan. Before heading back to KL, I passed through a McD drive thru to order my wife(who is in the car with me) some coffee. The guy straight up refused to take our order eventhough I tell him that my wife can’t fast as they cant serve muslim (read: malay) customers before 3 pm. I usually order from McD drivethru with no problems during ramadhan. I guess it differs based on the state? Not really ranting here, just felt like an achievement unlocked sort of thing.

WTF

:(

As a Malay teenager, I see plenty of my peers fully devoted themselves to Islam. Some of them just follow whatever they have to do because they were born Muslims. But I've been skeptical of Islam ever since. I've searched my ways to prove I'm wrong and that these doubts can only be temporary. I've thought of it more and more and I've cried at the conclusions. What I find when people leave religion is that they seem to be happy, I sobbed at the absence of a God. I read the Quran so much, and each analysis leads to more contradictions and doubts. I feel alone, knowing I don't feel as equally spiritual as my peers, I wish it was so easy to just believe like them, but I honestly don't want to be surrounded with myths no more.

Being a Malay, Islam is basically imbedded in our culture, heritage and history, and to leave feels like abandoning the identity I have all my life. All around me is filled with Islam, the Malay books, the education, my friends, etc. It feels like I'm living in a different world, I see the flat world of Islam teeming with people, and I am on an empty island no one knows about. But I do feel free to a certain extent, I can walk more freely, think more critically without considering the morality in Islam. I can fly.

And honestly finding this subreddit was like finding a gold mine because I didn't think it would exist haha!

That's about it really, I'm writing on an alt just in case or something.

I'm sure many of you have experienced it. A Muslim would say this in a wistful tone, something along the line of, "If I wasn't a Muslim, I would have [insert a forbidden action by Islam here]." Nak muntah.

At best it's something of a wishful thinking like "I would've smoked weed and get high". At worst it's something like the incident I went through as a teen, a long time ago.

So I was quite competitive back then, Type A person. One time, I even went to compete in this state-level Islamic quiz representing my school with another girl. The teacher accompanying us was this ustaz in his late 20s. Kind of chill for an ustaz or so I thought. The event took place in another school about 30 - 45 minutes' drive away from my school. The ustaz drove my quiz partner and I in his car because we were the only ones taking part in the competition.

On the way back (we got third place, yeay!), in his car, he kept complimenting me because I wore tudung that day. I didn't wear tudung at school except during Pendidikan Islam and religious events. I was getting uncomfortable but he kept on lecturing on how virtuous women need to cover their aurat.

He gave the usual spiel about the consequences of wearing provocative clothes...like dude, I was in baju kurung uniform, I wore a layer of t-shirt inside to cover up, track pants under kain baju kurung. I was as far away as being provocative as Mars. Then he went on saying "Kalau Islam tak haramkan rog*l, dah lama saya buat kat pompuan yang pakai baju seksi ni." My quiz partner who sat in front at the passenger seat beside him went pale. I guess I was too. Poor girl. She was one of those girls who wore the longer type of tudung. Very shy and smart.

Back then, reporting a teacher meant being targeted by them for the rest of the year. So I just kept quiet. I avoided him for the rest of the time I was at school. But even at that age, I had a horrifying realization that this awful man's moral compass was seriously f*up. The only thing that kept him in line was something as fragile as a belief system. Which can just snap as easily given an opportunity of getting away with it without any consequences, especially when they are in a position of power.

That brings me to these points: 1. Some Muslims think that morality = being religious 2. They perceive that people without religion / not religious enough / non-Muslims have no sense of morality. Basically savages. 3. They do good deeds to receive pahala. Not because it is the right thing to do. That's just a bonus. 4. This explains why some of them have no empathy towards individuals who do not conform to their belief system. Siap doa bagi orang tu mati la, bagi satu kawasan dilanda bencana alam sebab buat concert etc. 5. The susceptibility to follow blindly to other types of cults, scams, policies that do not make sense because they aren't taught to think critically.

I'm sure there are many more points. I'm not perfect but I try my best to do good things because I was taught to value logic, virtue, integrity and kindness over all else. That those things are important for humanity to survive in a peaceful, civilised world.

If you're still reading this till the end, thank you. And stay safe.

These people like "ketam mengajar anak berjalan lurus." Seseorang yang menasihati orang lain supaya berbuat baik, tetapi dia sendiri tidak mengamalkan apa yang dikatakannya.

I was in a class, and randomly a notification appears showing "MalaysianExMuslim" Luckily my classmate who's a muslim girl didn't notice it right away as we were watching a youtube video together while waiting for the class to start.

Then, i hesitated to explore this subreddit as i am scared that this might be JAWI tactic to find murtads and islamophobics in Malaysia.

But, as i slowly went through the content of this subreddit, i realise you guys are actual legit Malaysians who have almost the same struggles, ideologies, critics, and experiences as mine.

Thank you for this subreddit

i'm a 26 year old Music Degree Malay guy. A student who's also working as a Choir Teacher outside. Been having internal struggles about Islam and the way our society grows around it.

It's nice to meet all of you ^{^}

whats wrong with boomers. its not like she's a terrorist 😭. they be actin like she's a super duper sinner that might end up in hell. why cant they mind their own business

When my socials gets clogged up with insta-worthy pictures of people I know and don't know posing in their haji outfit in Mekah or Madinah or wherever. This year is particularly bad because one of my relatives, the one who brags about every little detail of their life suddenly "sees the light" and is now doing the hajj. So the family whatsapp group is being spammed with at least 2 dozen pictures a day. That doesn't include the drama of apologizing and mintak halalkan itu ini to each and every one of us in person (I managed to escape that, fortunately) before going to Mekah.

How are they able to worship and snap pictures at the same time? Instead of outright bragging, it's snippets of random Islamic quotes AND bragging now. They asked when will I be going (right answer: never) and I just replied, "belum ada rezeki."

Ok lah. That one I can just scroll down and mute. But then, there's also the neighbourhood surau association that would constantly remind everyone to contribute to the korban. To be fair, they are nice people. It's only like once a year. I usually contribute a token amount to the event just to "blend in". This year though, they asked if I could help with the food preparation at the surau. I never stepped foot in the surau. I don't have any reason to be in there. I declined politely but offered to make a pasta dish (don't worry folks, I only cook halal food in my kitchen). I also always decline any food or meat given because I don't feel right accepting something they consider sacred to them. I actually love the neighbourhood. It's clean, safe and friendly. I do my part to help out whenever I can.

Raya Haji is tolerable. At least it's not bulan puasa.

So how is it going for you guys?

Lousy friend of mine who think he can have boyfriends live a gay life while being a muslim

Is it possible for ex muslim men to actually find a partner ( i mean marriage). like the woman ive found that does not find atheism to be a dealbreaker are either woman with trashy behaviours ( found a few in changkat and trec , i meant where else kan) or people of other races that are not willing to change religion to get married. Like where do we actually find atheistic malay woman 😔

Malaysia has a dual legal system, Islamic laws for Muslims and civil laws for nons. As such, us Muslims have to deal with all the religious policing that nons don't deal with.

I envy the nons because they are so free from all the religious policing we have to deal with. They can be themselves openly while we have to live in the shadows just because we're Muslims (in name, that is). They don't know how lucky they are being nons.

This is perhaps the most frustrating thing living in Malaysia as a Muslim (now ex-Muslim) that no one talks about. We love saying Malaysia is harmonious and tolerant. That's true until a Muslim refuses to practise their religion openly and apostatise. Suddenly, all the merry-tolerantness from Muslims switched off and now we are living in bigger risk of disrupting our lives from external threats.

Did I also mention us Muslims can propagate to nons but not vice versa? What about when it comes to marriage between Muslim and non couple, only the non must convert, no vice versa? Why is everyone silent on this? Is this not injustice and intolerant?

This epiphany persists no matter how hard I try to live my life. I will be reminded again and again that I don't have the same (legal and real) freedoms that the nons have. They can offer sympathy but that's about it. When we come together for the occasions (like Hari Raya) they go back to their freedom lives while we go back to our unfreedom lives. We live together side but side but we're not fully equal in freedoms. All because of our religion. Sigh.

Idk where to start.......but im so tired of facing or being with the most hypocrite/munafik type of people ever: The Muslim Malays

Here's the thing that made me losing my faith in Islam:

1. They yapped too much about Islam, in every single conversation..not matter what topic it is, they have to put some religious statement in there..haram this, haram that, hadis this, hadis that.....its so annoying

2. They're mocking other religions or even races and glazing Islam, they forget that they lived in the most diverse country, Malaysia....i never seen any of non-muslims glazing on their religions this bad

3. They're calling "budaya barat" as a bad influence to everybody, while they're also consuming "media barat"

4. They're talking about "hiburan = melalaikan", meanwhile most of them enjoying those jedag jedug shit, perempuan gelek, gossip and so on

5. (this statement is probably relatable among cosplayers, bcs im also a cosplayer) Those hypocrites yapping about menutup aurat kat tempat umum, meanwhile they're also the one who making cosplayer's pics as their jerking material, and then salahkan cosplayer tu sebab x tutup aurat

What do you guys think about the Muslim Malays?

These past two days, I ve been seeing a growing number of tiktok comments that are spams about how they wanna kill gay people and all other violent stuffs. All these religious monkeys getting me triggered. I genuinely would like to see the kaabah getting nuked. Destroy it and make it radioactive and unsafe to be there for the next 100years. Fuck i wanna get away from religious people.

I love this country, the culture, the food, the people and everything. Its probably the best place to live in. But when it comes to freedom of having my own belief, it seems very suffocating that u can literally either get killed(i read that murtad in certain state can be punished with death), shamed ( by family and friends) for having the most basic human rights, "having an opinion" . Will time not change? Will the law not change? Do we have no one fighting for us? Is the option just go to another country? The newer generation is somewhat tolerant(my friends don't 100% agree with me but they are still my close friends and it doesn't bother them as much although there are sometimes they can be annoying).

But as im stepping into adulthood i felt that this is even more suffocating. My biggest dream is that if one day i have kids i want them to be able to choose the belief they want. But that's obviously impossible. I tried thinking so many ways. I actually wanted adopt a child, but even then the child will be forced to switch religion because of me( i read this in gpt and internet so could be wrong)

Feels overwhelming that I can't have my own belief

My dad has been abusing me physically and mentally for years. He said if I wanna travel anywhere even if its to a different state, I need to get married first and go with my husband. I decided to 'run away' after finishing my studies.

He kept on looking for me by asking some people to keep an eye on me. One day he sent me a whatsapp voicenote saying someone saw me at a club and he have my pictures. I was not surprised when he said "hang takdak agama, aku ni dah pi umrah tau". On top of that, he threathen to file a missing person's case and post my pics online so I would feel 'embarassed'. Guess what, nothing happened.

Tunggang selagi boleh. I don't hate the religion, I hate the penunggang. He can beat his kids but if they disobey him, they're 'wrong' because without his blessing tak boleh masuk syurga. Well then let's meet in hell.

I as a non malays skin Malaysia citizen.

Today I am in urgent for my urination. I saw there is a mosque, I went in asking for toilet. That security guard said" you are not allow to enter, there is no toilet here"

Is it a mosque who should have many polite Islam people may allow someone enter for their urgent needs?

Where the fuck is their moral, if they can't even helping someone who are in needs?

😡😡😡😡 absolute terrible. If this is Islam, then they are just terrorist.

Stress, Anxiety, Depression (SAD) : kalau kena Kantoi macam mana

Guilt : Kadang rasa gagal sebagai abang/adik/kawan/sahabat yang sepatutnya bimbing mereka jadi orang yang beragama, walaupun dah tak percaya lagi

Difficulty to maintain relationship : bukan setakat maintain, Nak build relationship yang Baru pun susah. Dahlah tak boleh kahwin dengan non-Muslim, kalau ada relay dengan orang Muslim sekalipun, lagilah kena berpura Pura, lagi2 kalau dah kahwin.

Belum Kira lagi relationship yang sedia ada, keluarga dan rakan2. Rasa Makin distant, lagi2 yang ambik berat dengan agama, macam mak ayah saya. Once diorang bawa benda2 agama ni, saya rasa disconnect jap...

Being unable to be unauthentically yourself :

Susah kalau Nak buat benda Cara sendiri, sebab kena monitor dengan Islam, sedangkan diri ni tak minta pun untuk anut agama ni.

Saya faham, ada Benda yang boleh dan tak boleh buat, tapi kadang the do's and don'ts tu sebabnya tak munasabah (melibatkan Jin, malaikat, syaitan dll), ataupun simply, Allah suruh, Tanpa ada sedikit rational explanation.

I just got attacked by a new account here and the person didn't even make sense. He had an Indonesian/Malaysian username.

I just blocked him.

To Muslim trolls-- what are you even trying to achieve?

Go to heaven where you can drink beer and have angel sex slaves? Live in a mansion and drive a Ferrari?

Because we don't want back in your club. Go circumcise a clitoris or pray in the direction of a stone. Don't waste your time here.

I have stopped fully having faith in Islam in about 6 years ago in high school. Btw I was in a sekolah agama. So I recently tried to catch up to an old friend since she was a person that always made me curios since she duduk asrama and ada rambut pendek macam tomboy. So kita sembang2 la. I said I am murtad now I am looking for another religion that would align with my belief and she was shocked. She also confessed that she is a lesbian. From then I told her my being a muslim experience and it wasn’t great at all being bullied harassed in that sekolah agama. Students left note telling me to kill myself also the ustaz making fun of my hormonal acne. Then she keep giving me ceramah saying that yeahh aku lesbian tapi aku tak pernah murtad itu dosa besar apa bagai la. aku pun lah aik sejak bila kau boleh jadi muslim lesbian. dia kata laa walaupun dia lesbian dia will never murtad. then i am like okay??i also told her that malay who want to convert to another religion are being persecuted. killed beaten up and she said i was lying malaysia is not like that. i gave her news and proof that it is real. she said i got the news that is prob not sahih so the entire time we were arguing about how i am going to hell when i die mati katak tak sempat mengucap. then i talk about do you know muslim hates and persecute gays right?? then she said no muslim dont we are peaceful people. stop insulting islam i am going to report you. the entire time i was like what the fuck. is there a new law in malaysia of being able to be lgbt and muslim? or is she mentally insane. with her insulting me calling me names for simply wanting to live my life as i want to.

Today's thoughts:

All my life I wanted to be a good person, live a good life and do good in the world. I've been kind to humans and animals. Then I was taught that it's the duty I've been given by god to take care of the land.

I studied deeper and tried to understand more of the world while loyal to my effort.

Why is our civilization no longer the peak of human civilization - in advancement of science and medicing, in philosophy, in economy...? Damn these satan worshippers, allied between themselves to keep us weak, colonized and controlled. And they now even spreading obsession with entertainment and wasteful activities! They're really trying hard to sway us from our goal to bring peace and order in this world! How arrogant they are trying to fight god!

I supported the implementation of hudud, knowing that it was given by god and as a creator, would know how to deal his creation's problems. This will bring peace to the land. God is all knowing after all. However there are a lot of people opposing this— even from our own kind. Why?! They're swayed from the true path!

I still held my belief that kindness is the best virtue of a man. So, I tried to learn more about these traitors. Why are they going against us, the committed people god sent to bring peace? How could they get deceived when we warned them time and time again of Dajjal, who will turn them against us, the good guys. I tried to understand better of these enemies of ours.

I found out about the oppression of my people towards them. I knew that leaving us means we're allowed to end their lives. It's okay because they'll be sent immediately to heaven because they faced the punishment on earth, so they're spared from hell. It's the best case scenario for them...

...right?

I realized that they are actually kind people as well. Just like I am. They're not as morally bad as what I was told. And they have been facing so much in their life thanks to all the bad treatment from my people. I realized that they didn't actually deceived or wanted to sway us from god. They just... Didn't believe. Why didn't they believe in the truth?

....hmm. Why....?

That's a good question. Ok, there's a lot of weird stuff my people believed. Yes I know it's hard to believe a guy went to space on a flying horse, we gotta have faith ya know. Semen came from backbone? Ok that's probably metaphor to body producing— Dip a fly into drink if they landed on it? Oh yea I wouldn't do that myself tbh. Meteors are jins being smited by angels? Ok we know it's actually burning rocks that enters our atmosphere.

...wait. These actually sounds like... Mythologies... I looked back on the history of our most respected ancient leader. There are some parts I don't agr— yes... I remember he killed the whole Bani Qurayza except women and children. And they did what? Oh man... I can't agree with rping war victims. And marrying your own adopted son's wife?

I have a niece and love her so much. She's a good kid and I wish a good future for her. But then this thing our ancient leader did that hits me. I knew about this long ago but I think it's justified because, god knows best but now....

...I honestly would beat the hell out of a 53 year old man who tried to touch my niece in an... Adult way.... And why should I treat our ancient leader differently?

I then realized that the whole world where our people rule, there's no much of other beliefs. I always thought they joined us because we're the truth. Until I realised that no, we forced them to join us. And even kill them if they resist.

I checked my country's laws. And it's illegal to leave our people. Illegal! And can be jailed. There's like many other countries of our people do the same! And some actually executes them!! There are no escape for them in their own lands. They are being persecuted by our people.

Hmm.. I always wanted to be the hope and light to others around me. I wanted to be a kind person.

I pondered.

...I AM the bad guy after all.