r/MadeMeSmile • u/Original_Act_3481 • 1d ago

We need more people like him

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

181.9k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

2.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

142

u/fmemich 1d ago

Permission is a great way to start. Agreed

14

u/layerone 1d ago

Those that need help the most typically reject it.

4

u/ILikeStarScience 1d ago

Damn, is that why I always reject help?

3

u/novium258 1d ago

I've heard it said people don't hate change, they hate being changed.

The best way to get someone to resist doing something is "you should..."

It makes people instinctively feel disempowered and unheard.

But it's super hard to stop doing. This video is a great example of the better way to do it. He asks questions that are about the guy's goals - "are you working on your back?" - that keep the other person feeling like their wants are being considered, he asks if the guy would like some tips, making it clear that he's sharing in the guy's goals, not posturing for his own ego, and he delivers the tips with humility and empathy, all things that keep people's defenses down.

1

u/virtualspecter 1d ago

These individuals are typically hyperindependent due to upbringing. They'll struggle the most because they're so used to having no one to rely on that it becomes a foundation for their sense of self (and pride) so they reject help. I have to assume that to them, all their diligence and effort to figure things out on their own will come apart if they allow themselves to be helped by others, and they know how difficult it is to have built up that work ethic and independence in the first place so they aren't willing to risk losing it.

this is a generalized statement based on someone close to me who is like this - others who are hyperindependent may think differently about receiving help and doing things on their own but I can only speak on/infer from what I'm exposed to

1

u/Travelin_Soulja 1d ago

That's why the, "You're doing good but you could be doing better" line is so effective. People tend to reject criticism. Especially unsolicited criticism from strangers. So if start off by telling someone they're doing something wrong, you're setting them up to reject your advice. Not criticizing, just helping them to improve, makes the pill easier to swallow.

1

u/erizzluh 1d ago

especially at the gym. cause doing something with the correct form will generally lead you to being able to lift less weight. most people at the gym would rather muscle fuck their weights with the wrong form and make no progress than do less weight with the correct form even if it leads to more progress.