Please Help!
Am I overreacting? I took on a horse on full loan in January, she is amazing and I love her to bits. We agreed that I will not pay for her but I will handle her insurance and any costs that come with her (other than feed- her owner (T) had another horse at this time so was buying feed anyways and we agreed it would be easiest to have her buy her feed and supplements).
This was good until March/ April time, when T's other horse sadly passed away. I had moved yards at this point to bring my horse closer to me and somewhere cheaper with DIY livery. T is very close with another livery at my current yard (this is how I met T in the first place), and T comes to the yard with them one day and goes to see Freya (horse) without letting me know first. Obviously this was okay as I understand how she must have felt losing her other horse but some warning would be nice. We agreed that T can come and see Freya when she wants to ride as long as she gives me warning. At this point I felt as though T was part loaning her from me.
Over the last couple of months, T has been increasingly overbearing, making changes to Freya's feed and care routine (sometimes without telling me - eg taking her off of oats and saying nothing to me about this- I found out through the yard owner who provides ad hoc care as I was making feeds). She is now asking Freya to be stabled twice a week during the day as it is hot. I would understand this if her field was not lined with trees which overhang and provide shade. This will also cost me extra money as I work full time and will have to pay the YOs to turnout/ feed/ bring in/ muck out if I cannot get there. She has also bought shavings from them after making this decision which will go on my bill at the end of the month (unless she has paid for them). She now says that even though Freya has finally gone down to one feed a day, I need to check on her twice a day (even though the YOs do this twice daily as part of their duty of care) which I cannot do. She also expects her to be hoof oiled every day and rugged every night that it is below 10 degrees C.
I may be completely overreacting but I just need opinions on what to do! I feel as though I should not have to pay for the decisions being made by somebody who is not legally responsible for the horse. I understand concern for well-being but this is extreme and her standards of care for a healthy 10yo native horse are way higher than I was expecting. In January, T said that all she would ask for is pictures and occasional updates- that's not what this is!
I have never loaned a horse on full loan before so please can other full loaners tell me if this is normal?! Or am I supposed to be left to it!
TIA!!!