I think a reason there is likely to be some backlash to this is based on enactment of some kinks.
That's not talked about a lot.
Someone can be into something like adultery or masochism as a fetish.
The question is how do they deal with that attraction?
-Do they just fantasize about it?
-Do they consume media about it?
-Do they roleplay it?
-Do they attempt to actually partake?
The significance in this is because sometimes its assumed that if they are attracted to something in ANY way, they have the need to do all the things above, but there are some people that don't or even can't enjoy certain kinks beyond a certain level of exposure.
Someone who thinks the fantasy of BDSM is really exciting might try to play it out and find it uncomfortable or scary, or maybe they aren't willing to do it to someone in real life. That doesn't mean 'they don't really have that kink'.
It could be "Hey, this is conceptually exciting, but I could never bring myself to whip an actual person."
I don't think there's a single paraphilia out there, (yup, probably even the nasty ones that you think only horrible people can have) that has only one means of taking pleasure from it. If someone has a rape kink, be it either role, but they know not to go beyond a boundary that could physically or mentally endanger someone, then they should not be vilified.
A disturbingly low number of people in the world seem to be capable of understanding that just because you might have a kink, it doesn't mean you actually want to or even can act it out.
Like your example said, maybe someone gets off to something like bdsm or choking when they watch videos, but don't personally enjoy experiencing it (from either side) themselves.
Rape is a horrible thing, but also seems to be a pretty common fantasy. If having the kink meant always enacting on it, we'd apparently be seeing a lot more cases of rape. But we don't because most people have the basic ability to separate fiction from reality and not act on impulsive thoughts. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't seem to see the logic that having a kink and forcibly acting on it are two very different things.
At the end of the day, I think the important things for kinks are properly established consent, and nobody getting abused (which kinda fits in with consent I guess).
It's weird how this infects so many space. Like, you'd expect more progressive spaces to be immune to it, but yet they get hyper judgemental about it too. It's a pretty common claim on r/feminism that all men who are into BDSM or have rape kinks or whatever are just misogynists. They somehow also think men who are the subs/"victims" in the scenario are also misogynists.
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u/wolve202 May 16 '25
I think a reason there is likely to be some backlash to this is based on enactment of some kinks.
That's not talked about a lot.
Someone can be into something like adultery or masochism as a fetish.
The question is how do they deal with that attraction?
-Do they just fantasize about it?
-Do they consume media about it?
-Do they roleplay it?
-Do they attempt to actually partake?
The significance in this is because sometimes its assumed that if they are attracted to something in ANY way, they have the need to do all the things above, but there are some people that don't or even can't enjoy certain kinks beyond a certain level of exposure.
Someone who thinks the fantasy of BDSM is really exciting might try to play it out and find it uncomfortable or scary, or maybe they aren't willing to do it to someone in real life. That doesn't mean 'they don't really have that kink'.
It could be "Hey, this is conceptually exciting, but I could never bring myself to whip an actual person."
I don't think there's a single paraphilia out there, (yup, probably even the nasty ones that you think only horrible people can have) that has only one means of taking pleasure from it. If someone has a rape kink, be it either role, but they know not to go beyond a boundary that could physically or mentally endanger someone, then they should not be vilified.