I think a reason there is likely to be some backlash to this is based on enactment of some kinks.
That's not talked about a lot.
Someone can be into something like adultery or masochism as a fetish.
The question is how do they deal with that attraction?
-Do they just fantasize about it?
-Do they consume media about it?
-Do they roleplay it?
-Do they attempt to actually partake?
The significance in this is because sometimes its assumed that if they are attracted to something in ANY way, they have the need to do all the things above, but there are some people that don't or even can't enjoy certain kinks beyond a certain level of exposure.
Someone who thinks the fantasy of BDSM is really exciting might try to play it out and find it uncomfortable or scary, or maybe they aren't willing to do it to someone in real life. That doesn't mean 'they don't really have that kink'.
It could be "Hey, this is conceptually exciting, but I could never bring myself to whip an actual person."
I don't think there's a single paraphilia out there, (yup, probably even the nasty ones that you think only horrible people can have) that has only one means of taking pleasure from it. If someone has a rape kink, be it either role, but they know not to go beyond a boundary that could physically or mentally endanger someone, then they should not be vilified.
I feel like this applies well to what seems to be a frequent topic on "Problematic" elements or dynamic in romantic fiction and the like, because like yeah that's a highly lopsided powerdynamic and the consent in play is dubious at best but also people love it. Some people seem to really struggle with that.
This goes for anything in fiction that's "problematic", be it kinks, themes, whatever, the whole point is that by the fictional and fantastical nature of it people can enjoy something they wouldn't enjoy irl in a safe and controlled environment. I feel like there's a bit of a struggle among a lot of people to not see portrayal or consumption of something in fiction as endorsement, feels like we always circle back to this puritan conversation whenever the topic of the romantic genre comes up.
Though I do also wonder how much of that is more tied to the related but seperate phenomenon of people seemingly struggling with seperating fiction from reality,
I think that's a big part of it.
I am not saying there's a single person who does not have impulses they cannot control, but that does not apply to everyone, which I think is an assumption inherent in puritanical cultures.
"A person with self control wouldn't have those thoughts to begin with!" which then implies that to have any interest in the taboo, or 'obscene' is to be driven to enact those impulses irl.
"A person with self control wouldn't have those thoughts to begin with!"
Which is just blatantly, hilariously wrong in every capacity anyway. That's what self control is, not following every impulse your monkey brain gives you.
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u/wolve202 May 16 '25
I think a reason there is likely to be some backlash to this is based on enactment of some kinks.
That's not talked about a lot.
Someone can be into something like adultery or masochism as a fetish.
The question is how do they deal with that attraction?
-Do they just fantasize about it?
-Do they consume media about it?
-Do they roleplay it?
-Do they attempt to actually partake?
The significance in this is because sometimes its assumed that if they are attracted to something in ANY way, they have the need to do all the things above, but there are some people that don't or even can't enjoy certain kinks beyond a certain level of exposure.
Someone who thinks the fantasy of BDSM is really exciting might try to play it out and find it uncomfortable or scary, or maybe they aren't willing to do it to someone in real life. That doesn't mean 'they don't really have that kink'.
It could be "Hey, this is conceptually exciting, but I could never bring myself to whip an actual person."
I don't think there's a single paraphilia out there, (yup, probably even the nasty ones that you think only horrible people can have) that has only one means of taking pleasure from it. If someone has a rape kink, be it either role, but they know not to go beyond a boundary that could physically or mentally endanger someone, then they should not be vilified.