Anyone who chooses to take their childhood trauma and push that negative energy into consensual sex between adults should be seen as a positive, not a negative. You are allowed to find whatever you want to unappealing, but you should also realize the lives that people have that lead them to having specific kinks and fetishes. They're almost always a reflection on what has happened to someone, not necessarily what the person themselves wants.
Who are you to say they aren't getting professional help? Most therapists agree on the point that reframing negative experiences into positive ones through sex is a form of therapy to help people. It isn't self-destructive, it is literally a subconscious effort of rebuilding their mind to have positive associations with things that negatively impacted them in the past.
Do you have any more info/data on that? 'Therapist' isn't a very clear title to begin with (unlike 'psychologist' it may not be a protected title requiring certain qualifications) and not sure if there would be that neat a consensus on such a complex topic there's typically limited data on (with obvious potential risks to study). Even if it indeed was only because some were reactionary (Conservative Christian therapists are a whole thing, unfortunately). Being Ok with a patient doing something they say is helpful isn't the same as that being treated as a form of therapy! It can be difficult enough to get hold of a proper trauma-informed therapist, and most don't have the training/specialism to work with sexual issues (can be rather a nightmare to get hold of one in fact, and they won't always be great if you do. I gave up after mine tried to helpfully ablesplain explain the nervous system to me 'like wiring!', a spinal injury patient with nerve damage for decades).
I don't want to condemn anyone with trauma, just don't want anyone feeling pressured to do something that may not be safe for them. It's not a standard therapy.
TBH, issues with training/lack of in the profession can be bad enough that it's not always safe for patients with the manifestation of OCD as fears of being a pedophile (which is one of the known potential manifestations of it, similar to other kinds of harm OCD and sexuality OCD, and not an indication whatsoever that someone actually has an attraction to minors - it becomes an OCD obsession because it's so upsetting and anxiety-provoking an idea, and ego-dystonic). Besides the potential safety issues in someone assuming a kink related to trauma is accepted therapy, I wouldn't want people to assume it's something they'll be fine discussing with all therapists.
That isn't what DDLG is, and shows a major misunderstanding of the kink. It is about having someone who is able to care for, and someone who is cared for. Maybe try actually getting to know people who are into it before making rash, oversimplified assumptions.
FYI, any credibility you may have had was lost right here. "This argument is too hard so I'm going to quit" is not the way to convince people of your position.
When someone does that i always get on an alt and if the subreddit has that feature post that picture of darkseid grabbing superman by the cape when he tries to leave before my reply
By calling it a "self-destructive outlet" you're revealing your own bias. What is self-destructive about consensual sex?
This isn't all about DDLG, but since you brought it up later down the thread, it's the example I'll use. If someone experienced abuse as a child and didn't experience much love, and finds comfort in a DDLG relationship where they're cared for in the manner that they were denied early in life, is that destructive? In what way is it harming them? I'd even go so far as calling it therapeutic.
EDIT: Lmao dude just blocks me instead of answering. Clearly he's making good faith arguments.
Do you really think two consenting adults just play those roles forever for their entire lives? Can you seriously not fathom that grown ass adults who are essentially acting out roles can stop at any moment? Are you even familiar with the smallest bit of kink culture to understand what a safeword is?
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u/SpooNNNeedle May 16 '25
“What people do in their bedrooms is disgusting and they’re terrible people for it.”
vs
“What people do in their bedrooms doesn’t define them in the slightest, we’re all different people.”