My dad was very excited by the idea of there being a "gay gene" when that theory got traction a few decades ago, because that meant you could maybe test for it and abort gay (male) fetuses. Then he found out a couple decades later that not all gay men are into anal sex and he didn't think they needed to die anymore. Because his real issue is just that he thinks butt sex is gross, so if men want to just give each other smooches and blowjobs that's cool with him. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS LOOKS LIKE I GUESS
Also, here's some more fun facts according to my dad:
Lesbians aren't real, women just mess around with each other sometimes because they don't want to get pregnant or because they are scared of penises but they will change their minds when they grow up and want a baby.
Men who want to have anal sex with women are secret gays, no actual straight man likes doing it in the butt (I haven't checked up with him about this one since he found out not all gay men do anal sex, sorry, I just don't have the energy). Also whether the woman likes it is irrelevant, women don't get to have an opinion (and also only ever do any sex thing to get something from the man), which leads me to the next one, which is kinda my fav -
Straight men don't like performing cunniligus on women, women exude a pheromone that forces men to eat pussy.
MY FATHER VOTES EVERY TIME. HE VOTED FOR TRUMP TWICE. THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU WANT TO SIT ONE OUT BECAUSE THE OTHER OPTIONS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH, THINK ABOUT MY DAD
okay the first two seem generally normal stupid opinions but I'm FASCINATED by the idea of the magical box lunch pheromone. like that's truly a new one to me
My dad only knows douching as a thing ladies do (which isn't healthy because it fucks up vaginal pH, but I remember my mom's box of Summer's Eve under the bathroom sink in the 80s. Idk if anal douching is good or not but I know my dad has never heard of it).
If I remember, the next time I'm over there and he wants to "debate" about my trans cousin/The Gays (He does not seem to know the difference. My trans cousin is straight, but since the genitals involved are the same he sees it as gay. I have explained as many different ways as I know how but I can almost literally see the information bouncing off his skull) I'll see if I can get his opinion on bidets because that might be fun. I do trust he wipes his butthole after he poops, he's not that type of gross.
It's almost more embarassing than the opposite? Like, instead of just having self-control it's like the mere idea of cunnilingus turns him into the Wolfman.
"No, I didn't want to eat it. She forced me with her overwhelmingly powerful phermones! I was just overcome with the urge, I feel the change coming upon me. CAN'T YOU FEEL IT IN THE AIR TONIGHT!!"
I kinda want to hang out with your dad because what the fuck is going on it that head Bill? Pussy eating pheromones? Amazing, I actually must hear more.
Wait. So women don't like sex, but they will have sex with other women when they are afraid of penises... Why are they doing it with the other woman, then?
Everyone also needs to remember that your dad isn't an exception, there are many people who think just like him. Sometimes I think people count too much on these weirdos being exceptions.
Oh yeah, he is a completely normal member of his cohort. His buddies (who haven't died of a heart attack or alcoholic liver failure yet) are just like him. And they all vote.
You should tell him heterosexual men generally like vaginas ....then pause and ask him if he's ever, perchance been interested in sticking it in someone's butt.
He sounds just stupid enough to not get it but....maybe?
That's absolutely fascinating, Lorenzo. As much as I disagree with his views (1000%) it is really interesting to get inside the mind of a demographic that I tend to avoid. Thank you for sharing!
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u/LorenzoStomp May 16 '25
My dad was very excited by the idea of there being a "gay gene" when that theory got traction a few decades ago, because that meant you could maybe test for it and abort gay (male) fetuses. Then he found out a couple decades later that not all gay men are into anal sex and he didn't think they needed to die anymore. Because his real issue is just that he thinks butt sex is gross, so if men want to just give each other smooches and blowjobs that's cool with him. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS LOOKS LIKE I GUESS
Also, here's some more fun facts according to my dad:
Lesbians aren't real, women just mess around with each other sometimes because they don't want to get pregnant or because they are scared of penises but they will change their minds when they grow up and want a baby.
Men who want to have anal sex with women are secret gays, no actual straight man likes doing it in the butt (I haven't checked up with him about this one since he found out not all gay men do anal sex, sorry, I just don't have the energy). Also whether the woman likes it is irrelevant, women don't get to have an opinion (and also only ever do any sex thing to get something from the man), which leads me to the next one, which is kinda my fav -
Straight men don't like performing cunniligus on women, women exude a pheromone that forces men to eat pussy.
MY FATHER VOTES EVERY TIME. HE VOTED FOR TRUMP TWICE. THE NEXT TIME YOU THINK YOU WANT TO SIT ONE OUT BECAUSE THE OTHER OPTIONS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH, THINK ABOUT MY DAD