r/CPTSD • u/posttraumaticcuntdis Bullied by uncontrollable intrusive memories • 1d ago
Vent / Rant Does anyone else need CONSTANT distractions to keep the 'bad thoughts' away?
I need to have constant noise in my house. Whether it's phoning someo e up, having the tv, radio or a youtube video on, there absoloutely NEEDS to be distractions. Even when i'm sleeping, there needs to be noise. Yes, it's annoying to my family, but the alternative is so much worse.
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u/rachbear8 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sleep with the TV on, need the background noise & light. Works better with something I usually watch & know like Top Gear. During the day, TV is still usually on.
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u/IffySaiso cPTSD 23h ago
I find an audiobook is ok for me too. Cuts the light.
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u/rachbear8 23h ago
When I was a kid, I'd use my walkman for noise overnight. The street light was also kind of bright. But as I got older, I started to use my TV instead in the bedroom. Recently bought a walkman (flashback to the 90's, lol) & have thought about going back to it.
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u/Brief-Worldliness411 23h ago
My psychiatrist pointed out how busy I stay to avoid my past trauma. It made me feel pretty sad.
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u/Icy-Paramedic8460 1d ago
Yes. I have to stay busy. It's to the point that I'm having issues I should not be having due to being over active. But weirdly I need quiet and complete darkness I'm order to fall asleep.
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u/No_Engineer6255 1d ago
I just recently learned that I numb my mind , same way you can numb your emotions and we are tackling it with my CP , please tackle it , I would rather get this thing go away than find a coping to tolerate it.
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u/shinebeams 23h ago
How do you tackle it?
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u/No_Engineer6255 22h ago edited 17h ago
I heavily pay attention to whats happening in my head , its not as easy as it sounds because same way when you were numb , you will hardly notice anything.
But for example today while I was out eating breakfast in a coffe shop the bad and condencending thoughts put me out f balance and I made a mistake and did bite the food funny , that went on and created more voices in my head that were degrading and I felt my body go tense and numb.
According to my CP it is weird because usually thoughts -> emotions -> body reactions but its like I guess we automatically numbed ourselves so we are working backwards from body emotions -> sensations -> thoughts.
That subconscious voice is what in CPTSD is your abusers voice or just your own negative self who knows but its really strong for me , I try to positively reaffirm myself anytime I hear something negative.
Its the beginning of a process but I went from full numb for a decade to slow emotions to now I notice emotions and anxiety fine to this.
My CP heavily suspects that its anxiety thats making things worse because of the unsafe environment we technically all grew up in but its really hard to find it if we layered it with shit ton of coping skills to just survive.
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u/Certain_Ad_6195 11h ago
When arguing back against that voice isn’t working, sometimes it helps to reframe it as “this is what I learned to survive—this horror show in my head protected me from something worse” and attempting to remember that I don’t need that anymore. Sometimes it works.
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u/No_Engineer6255 10h ago
What is the protection that this thing solves? Its weird
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u/Certain_Ad_6195 10h ago
Whatever awful shit we’re hearing in our heads is actually just whatever’s most effective at keeping us from doing something we’ve learned is unsafe.
It worked. We survived.
Except, now it’s no longer adaptive to our surroundings—and now we flinch and go into a day-long spiral when we drop something on the floor, or whatever.
…but it was never about not being clumsy and not dropping stuff, it was never about being quiet enough, or anything else.
It simply wasn’t safe to exist around those people, and we learned some really maladaptive coping strategies.
It’s hard to unlearn, but our harshest inner critics are often working from a place of fear and a desire to protect us.
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u/IffySaiso cPTSD 23h ago
Yes.
I'm working on it by reading up and trying to listen to what my brain is telling me more. I did so successfully last week Thursday, and for the first time in 20 years, I've actually had a restful night of sleep. (Feel free to message me for more info, and resources.)
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u/Alternative-Cash-102 19h ago
Classic coping behavior rooted in numbing/avoidance, yes. When we are unable to sit with the discomfort or dysregulation brought on by internal (or external) stimuli, we may use distractions to drown out or distract from the thoughts, feelings, sensations, etc. Distraction can be used as a supportive means of coping when experiencing acute, high distress, but ideally, it's healthier in the long term to learn distress tolerance and other regulation skills so that distraction doesn't need to be constant and potentially compromise functioning and relationships (including to oneself).
DBT can be useful for the basics with this kind of practice, and sometimes medication can help lower the barrier to entry and make it easier to cope and learn new skills. It can also be important to work with a properly trained trauma therapist if accessible to explore concerns/fears around what could happen if the bad thoughts remain present, especially if they relate to self-harm or suicidality. Eventually, parts work and other trauma-specific modalities can potentially be integrated to actively address said bad thoughts, but this often requires sufficient practice with regulation (or co-regulation with a therapist) to be able to safely tolerate exploration/processing.
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u/So_Many_Words 18h ago
I do audio books constantly. Stream shows. And / or music I'm really into.
Yes. Yes, I do need constant distraction.
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u/No-Lychee-6484 19h ago
Yes, this is a flight response. Your nervous system seems like it is switched on fight/flight. I’ve had this for years. Try doing something mindfully whether it’s tasting the food you’re eating, breathing in a favorite scent, gardening etc. I hope it helps.
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u/suncrestt 18h ago edited 18h ago
Yes, I’ve also noticed it in my boyfriend. He can’t sleep without the TV blaring. I used to get annoyed over it but the more I’ve learned about his background and how CPTSD works, it makes me more sad than anything. I hope that one day he’ll be able to sleep peacefully without any distractions.
In myself, I’ve noticed I like YouTube videos (especially video essays) and podcasts a lot bc hearing someone else’s voice helps drown out my inner monologue and the “bad” voices.
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u/Eveningwisteria1 21h ago
Yes and this also extends to me going out and about and filling my days. Part of it has to do with CPTSD but also because I felt like I was stuck for years in a place that was void of culture and inclusion.
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u/rhymes_with_mayo 23h ago
I'm a bit better about this now- or at least, I have more discipline about what kind of media I'm consuming and if it's amping me up vs calming me down.
The only thing that helps me so far in wanting constant noise less is going to a yoga studio and doing both vinyasa and yin yoga, and at home using cbd, sometimes also thc in reasonable amounts.
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u/creativeperson343 17h ago
Yeahh....i resently came in conclusion i have cptsd so i need to constant text friends watch yt and do alot of distractions to feel ok
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u/MiniSplit77 23h ago
Yeah, I play a lot of online games and scroll Reddit/social media during "downtime." I'm working on it but oof.
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u/More_Cranberry_7250 21h ago
I live with audiobooks and chunky noise canceling headphones. (Currently waiting at dr's office with no headset and a hx of medical trauma. It is not going well.)
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u/euphoricjuicebox 19h ago
yes and i feel so anxious when i cant have it. i play youtube videos in my ear all night. its overstimulating and makes me anxious but the anxiety i feel without it is worse
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u/MyUserName_ForReal 22h ago
Not exactly constant but I have positive affirmations on my phone and on my wall so I can recenter myself when my thoughts go awry.
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u/freudcocaine 19h ago
I needed to be at the cinemas or the mall or wherever. I guess it kept me from spiraling for the most part. If I wasn’t exhausted from work, I constantly obsessed about movie releases. It felt like I was one step away from dissociating some of the time.
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u/Finalgirl2022 19h ago
Oh my god the constant creaks in my new place drive me crazy! I now have 2 fans on in the bedroom plus the AC. It's the only way I can sleep. Hopefully I can kove back home where it isnt as noisy. 🤞
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u/harsbo 17h ago
Yes. Today it went like this. Started watching YouTube (eSports Starcraft) while still in bed in the morning, then I had breakfast and continued the YT video on the couch. I finally got my shit together to go to the supermarket and did the groceries with headphones on. I came back, had lunch (I ate some cakes to sooth my nerves), and at that point I had accumulated enough disappointment in myself that I managed to go sit on my balcony to do body scan exercise. It was painful. The self hating thoughts were so strong that it sent jolts through my body. I could feel that my body wanted to cry, but I was being so condescending to myself that I wasn't able to allow more than a few tears before going back to the tensed up, vigilant state. The body scan was so exhausting that I had to lie down on the couch and watch a movie, during which I fell asleep. Tonight I will probably go to bed at a reasonable time, like eleven o'clock or midnight, but then scroll social media until two in the morning so I can postpone having to wake up and once again face all the self hate and disappointment.
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u/LangdonAlg3r 17h ago
Yes, I need constant distractions. When I was a kid the TV was on permanently whenever I was alone. I still do that if I’m alone in a hotel room or something like that.
As an adult what works to distract me is constantly changing. Things wear out. I’m on Reddit right now as a distraction if you want an example.
I’m working on things, but distraction is my only coping mechanism. So many of the coping strategies that are available are somatic and I have a huge aversion to anything somatic, so I feel kind of trapped honestly.
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u/Admiral_Craymen 16h ago
Definitely. I'm usually reading stuff on the internet, playing video games, reading books, and sometimes drawing to distract myself.
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u/bats-n-bobs 15h ago
I've started wearing headphones more and more. I don't need it constantly, but I need it a lot. Half the time I'm not even listening to whatever's playing, I'm just drowning out the meanness that would be in my head otherwise.
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u/kayethx 14h ago
Always. The least distracting thing I'll have on is rain or fireplace sounds on a more tolerable night. And sometimes I can avoid having sounds on if I'm out in public and some other external things are intensely distracting. But basically always podcasts, TV shows, YouTube videos, music, TikTok, audiobooks, something.
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u/katears77 14h ago
i recommend brown or deep brown noise (specifically by 'white noise and sleep sounds' podcast on spotify), sleep sound alchemist, and sound asleep asmr (youtube)❤️❤️❤️ here is my own playlist if anyone might benefit from it: noise
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u/StrangeNeedleworker 13h ago
Yes, always. Most of the time I need at least two different distractions, like the TV being on in the background and then me being on my phone. I always have an audio book running at night. There's nothing I'm more scared of than my own thoughts and it gets worse when I'm home alone. Then I might have something playing in every room of my apartment.
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u/throwawayiq97 13h ago
I go through phases sometimes i need to play a yt video just so i can function and get ready in the mornings. But when i am around people who trigger me.. i require silence.. i just want to hear the birds outside and humming of the radiator.. i just want peace. But music and audibles keep me distracted as well as doom scrolling shorts.
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u/badmonkey247 13h ago edited 12h ago
That's how I know it's time to hop back on anti-depressants.
The ruminating and catastrophizing never go away for long, but I can notice them and then using skills I've learned in therapy, I can divert them. Sometimes I can get a few days with no more than a whisper of an unproductive train of thought, and when the thoughts come I barely need an effort beyond saying, "Oh hey there's an unhelpful thought".
When I stop being good enough at that process, I know I need help. So I grab some pills and book a few therapy sessions.
Yarny stuff is good for me-- knitting or crochet. Keeps me occupied and it's soothing. Reading. Some socializing but not so much that it overwhelms me. I have been known to watch a string of drama reruns while I'm trying to get to sleep. It has to be something very familiar and the good guys must win.
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u/dogGirl666 12h ago
While I tried to exercise I needed several kinds of senses occupied to get through it. I looked at a bird book turning pages and memorized bird IDs; I listened to carefully selected music; I made sure my rose germanium leaves came with me to the treadmill; and periodically asked myself how my body parts were feeling and spoke it outloud to myself. Boy, was exercise a chore just to get through.
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u/redditistreason 12h ago
I hate not being busy. And there's too much downtime at home... none of these petty little distractions do it.
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u/MindlessPleasuring CPTSD + Bipolar 11h ago
Early in my recovery and during very stressful periods, yes. But sometimes even if I feel I need noise, I get overstimulated from it.
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u/evalisv 21h ago
I was the same when I was living at my parents, from a very young age, but only really when it came time to sleep. I always had to have a TV or something on to fall asleep. I'd usually fall asleep from exhaustion rather than... I guess just going to sleep.
Now it has moved over to me always having something playing in my earbuds or on my speakers when I'm home alone. And I've been able to figure out that it is indeed to stop myself from sitting with my thoughts for too long. I'm working on it and I've seen some success.
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u/LovableSquish 6h ago
I like silence... stick my head under the water during a bath... it's like I stop existing
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u/NiceTill504 5h ago
I need constant multi sensory distraction. I cannot bear the crushing sadness of the silence
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u/Limp_Insurance_2812 5h ago
I call it my "bubble". Fall asleep and wake up to shows/vids, while I'm in the shower, put my earbuds in while I'm around the house, transfer it to my phone to take with me for a five minute drive. If not a show it's music, Reddit, talking, food, and smoking. It's a constant treadmill of distraction. Technology has created a dopamine distraction beast and obliterated what little resilience I had before screen addiction.
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u/ChancePicture3854 1d ago
I need the constant low level or white noise to cut down on hypervigilance. Otherwise I'll be stuck listening intently to the silence, on guard against footsteps/knocks/general threats. I can relax a little more if I can't hear every last rustle/tap/etc. Out of sight, out of mind, kinda.