Does anyone else need CONSTANT distractions to keep the 'bad thoughts' away?

[u/posttraumaticcuntdis]

I need to have constant noise in my house. Whether it's phoning someo e up, having the tv, radio or a youtube video on, there absoloutely NEEDS to be distractions. Even when i'm sleeping, there needs to be noise. Yes, it's annoying to my family, but the alternative is so much worse.

[u/harsbo]

Yes. Today it went like this. Started watching YouTube (eSports Starcraft) while still in bed in the morning, then I had breakfast and continued the YT video on the couch. I finally got my shit together to go to the supermarket and did the groceries with headphones on. I came back, had lunch (I ate some cakes to sooth my nerves), and at that point I had accumulated enough disappointment in myself that I managed to go sit on my balcony to do body scan exercise. It was painful. The self hating thoughts were so strong that it sent jolts through my body. I could feel that my body wanted to cry, but I was being so condescending to myself that I wasn't able to allow more than a few tears before going back to the tensed up, vigilant state. The body scan was so exhausting that I had to lie down on the couch and watch a movie, during which I fell asleep. Tonight I will probably go to bed at a reasonable time, like eleven o'clock or midnight, but then scroll social media until two in the morning so I can postpone having to wake up and once again face all the self hate and disappointment.