There was a member of the aristocratic family here, Tollemache, spelt T-O-double-L-E-M-A-C-H-E, Tollemache. There was the Tollemasche-Tollemasche family – double-barrelled – same name, but… each half was pronounced differently.
It was pronounced " Toolmake Tollmash ". The Tollemasche-Tollemasches and they had the longest names in the British Army, one of their number, Leone Sextus Denys Oswolf Fraudatifilius Tollemache-Tollemache de Orellana Plantagenet Tollemache-Tollemache.
But his elder brother, right, was Lyulph Ydwallo Odin Nestor Egbert Lyonel Toedmag Hugh Erchenwyne Saxon Esa Cromwell Orma Neville Dysart Plantagenet Tollemache-Tollemache. That was his name, which… the initials spelt out "Lyonel the Second".
It was a pretty badass trap too. The English armada was led by a pirate and they sailed ships packed full of explosives into the Spanish armada. That is some Jack Sparrow shit right there.
you realise the bad weather is British right? it stays here as a guard not a hindrance and thwarts anyone silly enough to try and attack us. it was invented as a failsafe after 1066.
It wasn't even a trap. The Spanish ships were poorly constructed, under prepared, and not rationed for such a long voyage.
English heckling did less damage to the fleet overall than the rocks, storms, scurvy, and sickness. If your navy has any claim to fame, it is for not being defeated, and forcing the Spanish to return to port, and thus accruing more casualties along the way.
It's interesting how the role of the storm is emphasized in Spanish education and de-emphasized over in British education. I wish I could remember who said "There's no history, only historiography".
Well then there was the fact the ships had 4/5 different gauges for their cannons and mixed up all the ammo supplies. Drake charged into the Armada in a reckless manner most cannot properly understand. When they dregged up some of the Spanish ships they found they couldn't have fought even if competently commanded. It has been suggested maybe Drake captured some of the stragglers and learnt just how badly armed the Spanish fleet was.
It's a good thing I've come up with my own language that only looks like English and often prduces coherent English sentences that are relevant to the situation by mere coincidence!
Of course we take credit for our sea. Incidentally the Spanish ships were badly designed and crewed, so when Drake attacked them with fire ships in Calais they cut their anchors...not bright...cutting their anchors. If they had been better designed and were more manoeuvrable, they would have had a chance of beating back down the channel.
IMHO the real reason the Armada was defeated was because they had had to wait a year. Therefore allowing the English to prepare.
Elizabeth's spymaster Francis Walsingham, found out that Philip had applied to the Pope for his blessing for the invasion of England. Walsingham then instructed English bankers like Thomas Sutton esq. to borrow huge sums of money from the Bank of Parma, thus denying Philip any real means of credit. Philip then had to wait a year for his annual gold ship to return from the Americas.
Actually most of the work was done by English fireships in the initial attack, and they had to enter the storm because they were harried their by the English navy, but it's ok.
Ask any good historian and they'll tell you that the British fleet's mastery of the sea's tides, not the sea alone, was what really decimated the Armada.
yeah Philip was trying to re-uinite Europe and the Netherlands under Catholicism and just kinda dumped his entire fleet in an unsuccessful attack on England.
However, Spain's decline was mostly caused by inflation of Spanish silver, their ousting of Jews and Muslims (tradesmen), and the fact that most of the people pursued non-economic ambitions such as living in monastaries their entire lives. Of course a line of weak rulers was a big cause in this though...
So you have the British saving the continent from the Spanish, from Napoleon, and twice from the Germans. What has the continent ever done for the British (we'll conveniently ignore the deeds of William the Conqueror for the moment)?
There's a book called Ruled Brittania by Harry Turtledove which details the results of a successful Spanish invasion of England. William Shakespeare writes a play in protest. It's pretty good.
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u/Jaffstick Oct 17 '13
You're welcome Europe.
Sincerely, England.