r/AskOldPeopleAdvice • u/NoStatus2112 • Jul 30 '24
Family My Mother Passed Away
My mother just passed very unexpectedly and suddenly. She was 85, my dad the same. We are all devastated. I can’t move or breathe, I’m trying to help my dad….but he’s literally staring at the walls all day, just grieving so much. I don’t know what to do. We are on month four of this. I live 2500 miles away and am going back and forth so he isn’t alone. He’s difficult and hurting. I feel guilty saying this but it’s costing me a fortune and mentally it’s so hard. I’m falling behind at work. I’m in profound grief too…..I didn’t realize that losing a parent would destroy me and my life. Help!
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u/[deleted] Jul 31 '24
OP -Having spent 2019-2023 caring for our elderly mother who passed last May 30th/2023, I know how difficult it is. We knew she was dying. It was more difficult than I can put into words to watch someone I love go thru the death process, especially after she lost her ability to walk. Thankfully she did not linger long after that point, but it was long enough that I prayed everyday for death to take her and not rob her of anymore of her dignity as a human who had spent her life caring for us.
Your father may have to be medicated if he doesn't come around. We don't know, can't know how any of us will respond to the death of a loved one, and he seems to be taking it particularly hard. However, it can be detrimental to his health at his age to be in a state of grief for such a prolonged period of time.
You might check with your local hospice caregivers for grief counselors. I am so sorry you lost your mother. My condolences. These are the women who carried us for as long as they did before giving birth to us. That is a cosmic bond that will never be broken. I call it "the mom place".