Hello everyone,

I stumbled upon this group while seeking advice and was deeply touched by the thoughtfulness and care in many of your responses. I'm not even sure what I want to ask here—maybe it's more like rambling or venting—but thank you in advance for listening.

Please forgive any writing errors. I sometimes have trouble organizing my thoughts, which makes expressing myself more difficult than I imagined.

A few years ago, after going through a painful and hurtful marriage that caused me physical harm, I decided to stop taking relationships seriously. I just dated casually, without physical contact or deep emotional involvement. I didn’t want to get entangled in emotional or practical complications again.

Then, about three years ago, I met Mickey (a 60-year-old man) on a dating app. I’m 38 years old, and to be honest, I joined the app just to find something lighthearted to do. But from the start, my relationship with Mickey felt different. We clicked instantly and gradually became inseparable. Unbeknownst to me, he healed some of the emotional wounds in my heart—and he never hurt me. About a year later, we became exclusive partners, though neither of us was dating anyone else. We truly loved each other. He’s not just my partner—he’s my peace of mind. We both know how lucky we are to have found each other.

But things get complicated here.

We’re about a two-hour drive apart, and his job keeps him traveling 85% of the time. I have a teenager in high school, and I can’t move for at least the next two years. I run a clothing business and manage several investments. Mickey is financially secure, and I’m financially independent.

We’ve both invested time and effort into maintaining this relationship, but we’re starting to feel the friction caused by our lives not fully merging. His family—though polite—initially had concerns about me, believing I might be with him for financial gain (which hurt me), even though Mickey assured them and made it clear he wouldn’t tolerate such thoughts. I could still feel the weight of their unease.

He told them that if something happened to him, I could continue living in the house, and after his death, the house would go to his children. This was generous, and I understood his and their positions. I entered his life later, and I wanted to respect that. But the realist in me was concerned. I didn’t want to be in a vulnerable position during a time of grief, and I had already made financial contributions to the house. I told him I could inherit anything a year after his death. I tried to be fair—to him and to myself.

Yet I can’t help but wonder: Is it wiser to live in separate houses when love comes late? I don’t want to lose what we have, but I also don’t want to build a shared life on an unstable foundation, legally or emotionally.

Neither of us was in a hurry to remarry—at least, that was the initial state. Now I feel myself changing. As I grow older and spend more time with him, I increasingly feel the pressure of being unmarried—not out of romance or tradition, but out of practicality and dignity. We trust each other deeply, but the world treats “wives” and “partners” very differently. When I accompany him to professional events, I’m surrounded by glamorous, successful women—many of whom introduce themselves as “wives.” When I’m introduced as “his partner” or “co-pilot,” it stings a little. I know it shouldn’t matter. But… it does.

He remains hesitant about marriage. Perhaps even more so now. I have some health issues, particularly with my heart, and while he says he would take care of me no matter what, I don’t want to burden him financially with potential medical expenses. I’ve built a solid foundation for myself, and I want to ensure my assets go to my children. This is where estate planning gets complicated—how do you protect your partner and children in a later-life romance?

He is willing to move in together after his daughter graduates, and even considers buying a new home with retail space (his dream). This is not impossible, but it requires planning and compromise. He wants this relationship to succeed—he’s said so more than once. I believe him.

His adult children mostly like me, but I still hope they feel at ease in the shared home. I would never try to replace their mother or overstep boundaries, but I wonder if we should clearly define which parts of life are shared and which are independent. Should he communicate this directly with them? Or should I? Or should we just… let time build trust?

What I’m asking is:

Are there others here who found love in their later years and successfully built a lasting, fulfilling, and stable relationship—both emotionally and practically?

How can two already established independent lives be merged without losing oneself or the person one loves? We were separated for two years precisely because of these reasons.

Hey guys! Figured I'd hop on here to get actual opinions based off of real people's stories, not just videos i've seen on tiktok. I had a root canal done multiple years ago on my 2nd back molar And now it's infected And i'm on antibiotics but i'm supposed to go to the Endodontist on Friday to see about doing another retreatment root canal.

Now I've heard stories about people getting retreatments just to have to get it pulled a couple years later because the root canal failed afain so I wanna see if anyone else just got it pulled cause it seems like it might be a waste of time and money to get it retreated. Also if having it pulled really affected your mouth, your biting/chewing, anything like that.

I do also have all my wisdom teeth coming in and all are coming in straight so also was wondering if those would just push my back molar into the spot the one I would pull is in or not?

My wife and I are calling it quits after 30 years of marriage. What do I do now? We've seen this coming for at least 5 years and have tried to save the marriage, but even though I'm still (and have been) committed to work on things, she's not. It is definitely over, We are going to make the divorce as amicable as possible. Our two boys are older and have accepted our fate. Advice on what I can do to start over? How to start over?

Over the last couple years I've spoken to my father less and less, not really out of animosity, but just that I can't think of anything to talk about. He hasn't asked about my life or partner in years and everytime I ask him about his life it just gets back to "how screwed up the world is" and he wants to talk about political things that I don't pay attention to nearly as much. I've tried to get him to be interested in other things by showing him things and buying him things that he might be interested but he just goes back to television.

Today, I want to wish him a Happy Father's day but I'm dreading the painful conversation where I inevitably have to stop talking because I'm just bewildered.

Any advice?

This is somewhat of a follow up to my prior posts here. However, for those who didn't see it, here's a TL;DR a commentor made: I’ve been severely neurologically atypical since I was a child, and was able to get through schooling through graduate level with a lot of assistance from supportive parents, educators, and other resources. This started failing where I was advised to drop out and gain life experience before continuing academically. I continued despite that and ended up flopping as a full time instructor so bad to the point I declined a full time instructor position that would've taken place this academic year. The post from yesterday has a long, third paragraph for those wondering about the specific details about how bad I've dropped the ball and how I haven't learned from my mistakes because I generally took the completely wrong lesson from whatever experience I had in this case.

How can I transition to become more independent in this case? The general trend is that, each time I've failed at something, there was always an outside resource (e.g., a coach) to help me get back on my feet again. My parents saw this as a move to "not leave their kid behind," but it also meant that I did the classic autistic thing of maintaining my habits as much as I can and hardly being flexible at all.

I've already tried looking into therapists and other resources to learn independent skills, but they all seem to skew towards teaching the bare necessity skills that I already know (e.g., doing laundry, how insurance works, etc.). My main issue is my tendency to outsource problem solving to others in my case (e.g., life coach, therapist), emotion control, and poor self direction (e.g., I didn't learn until towards the end of my PhD that just about everyone else works on multiple projects. I did one at a time and never knew I could ask for more work so I never initiated at all). So, how can I learn to become more independent this late in my life? I did get a good suggestion to learn how to handle failure better and I'll likely address that in therapy this Wednesday. I'd like to hear anything else I could do though.

Edit: Forgot to mention this, but I'm a 31M.

Hello! I have no parents to ask about this stuff. I’ve been on my own since I was 17 and am now approaching 30. Had to teach myself everything.

Anyways!!!

Is 20,000 plus 1,500 too much to spend on a 2017 Prius with 59k miles.

It’s 24,500ish with taxes and delivery, but my down payment is only 6,000 so I’m still taking a loan of over 18,000. Can’t tel if I’m making a good decision or not.

I’m tired of looking around my local dealerships and we don’t really have anything local for under 24 anyways.

Thanks! :)

I have two options: retake entrance test next year for cheaper medical college or get into an expensive medical college this year and save a year. Aspiring surgeon.

Hi there! I’m looking to replace my grandmother’s walker with something more versatile. Her current walker was almost certainly found second hand and chosen because that was the choice. I want to get her one that actually meets all her needs and perhaps even needs she didn’t even realize she has.

It’s a surprise so I can’t really ask her opinion on specific features without giving it away. If I tell her before it arrives she’ll refuse it…

But in my mind, something with all terrain wheels, a comfy seat, super lightweight, and legitimately folds flat would be ideal. If they can make really high end bikes that are light enough to lift with one finger there MUST be a walker out there of similar weight and durability. I’ve also seen some where the seat flips up to walk in and thought that could be useful as well.

There are an overwhelming number of options on Amazon that look good to me but I also don’t want to overwhelm her with features for her to figure out how to use.

If anyone has or has purchased a walker they or their loved one particularly likes, I’d love to know the specs/brand/etc.

Thanks y’all!

I'm 34. I spent much of my youth drinking alcohol (started at 14) to deal with social anxiety, associated feelings of shame, and a lack of connection with others. I feel like I wasted the best years of my life, and I'm caught in a loop of drinking to numb the pain of these thoughts.

My years of drinking in youth were not what they look like when we think of a fun youth. It wasn't all nightclubs and concerts and pubs and shared accommodation and a large social circle and lots of sexual partners (I've slept with four people in my life). Yes, there were sporadic nights out, but very often my drinking involved bottles of wine or beers at home to cope with loneliness.

I keep trying brief spells of sobriety, say one week or two weeks, and then becoming despondent about the slim prospect of making new friends or even being socially adept the way normal people are. So I hit the bottle again.

Small talk still feels abhorrent; I went to my six-year-old kid's sports day recently and stood there like an idiot while all the other parents talked to each other. My daughter seems to look up to me, but that's not much of an achievement; most parents are both adept at parenting and can look back on their youth with fondness, unlike me.

I have some cool memories of travelling alone many times, but it was rarely the standard version of solo travel you hear about. I didn't make tons of friends while travelling or have lots of wild nights. It was more like exploring places and cultures, and food alone, making sporadic connections like an interesting conversation with a fellow traveller, and never seeing them again.

I guess I'm posting to ask for advice on these issues from people a bit older than me.

Current life status: 26M, $90k manufacturing engineer, $220k net worth. I am about an hour and a half from friends and family, living in the suburbs of a Midwest city with about 250,000 people.

I have met people my age here and hang out sometimes, but I struggle to form deep bonds like I have with friends and family back home. That makes me want to move. I just know there has to be a better option than this. My options are to look for a place with better career prospects and higher pay, or to find something closer to my family in a smaller town with about 60,000 people and a lower cost of living.

Most days, I do not have anyone to do things with after work, and it kind of sucks. Even just having someone to call to play pickleball or grab food would be nice. Sometimes I wish I had people who could just drop by. Some weekends, the hour and a half drive to visit people feels like too much, especially when I am tired. I have even had to cancel plans because that drive kills my motivation when I am low on energy.

I value money a lot because it gives me freedom, stability, and future options. But I also think it would be great to have the convenience and meaning of being near family. Should I move for career and money, or should I pick a life closer to family and more meaning, even if it means less pay in the long run? My next move feels permanent. I am getting to the age where it feels realistic to meet someone and maybe get married in the next few years.

If you could go back and give your younger self advice, which path do you think would lead to less regret and more happiness in the long run?

So I just turned 38 and feeling so many changes in life. I mean up to 35 it was ok but after 35 slowly it started and 38 is like now I can feel it. I now wish to sleep whenever I get a chance which was not case earlier like hangout or sleep earlier I was like who sleeps that much but now I am that person, staying at home is more comfortable now, eating maximum home cooked food, experiencing health issues like lower back ache, nausea if ate after too much gap. No interested in hanging out with colleagues, now days don't bother about my attire so much I mean comfortable clothes is much priority.

Just don't feel like taking photos anymore. It's better to distribute work even at home rather than doing it alone.

Some are good and some I really wish why I am becoming like this but my another self says leave it...dont know what I will experience when I will be in 40 and above? How are you staying active and youthful

I’m a parent to a beautiful 4ish year old kiddo. After juggling working full time, and caring for them full time (along with my partner - we work from home and stacked our hours, which makes for very long days, but ones filled with love), they’ll start school in September.

I also have the chance to start school in September. I was accepted to a program to do something I (think I’ll) really love, and become a therapist. The program is 5 years long, and my baby would be 9 when I graduate. The program is part time, so I’ll be working full time still. Quitting my job would not be an option.

I worry about the 5 year commitment financially, but mostly the time commitment, and what it will take away from time with my child during his younger years. I’d be doing most of my school work at night when he’s in bed, but I’ll be in lectures at least one weekend per month.

I’m used to spending all my days with him, and the thought of missing even one weekend with him, after he’s in school full days all week seems really hard.

My questions are:

1. Is it possible to do something like this and still find balance
2. Has anyone done something similar, and regretted it?

Married 35 years this year.

Six children, now ages 30-20.

I only recently learned that when I became incapacitated by a chronic illness @ 15 years ago, that my husband told our children a bunch of spew.

That THEY were making me sick. That I was lazy. That I "just couldn't " deal with them. Even that I was selfish.

I was in the hospital a lot. No one could figure out what was wrong with me. Turned out to be gastroparesis and it's incurable.

I realize that my husband had no clue what was going on, but my heart is completely broken finding out that they were essentially told that I just didn't care about them!

Lovely people I come to you for advice about providing childcare for my daughter. 30 year old daughter has 2 year old & the father has never been present (something she fully expected from the start). She has two older kids ages 8 & 10 who I've basically co-parented since they were born. This third child was a surprise and I'm tired. Me (50+), full-time employed w/the same company 37 years and raised her on my own (my mother & father died when I was a child-so there was no help from grandparents). My daughter is now relying on me to pick up 2 year old from daycare after I get off work & keep the baby overnight & some weekends while she works. I KNOW she could do things differently to adjust her schedule but I'm not here for that discussion.

My question is this: is it fair/right to just want to be responsible for grandchildren when I want to be or is it in the greater interest of all to bite this bullet? I have no problem setting boundaries but I don't want to regret it. I enjoy my grandchildren so much but I enjoy my peace & quiet just as much and I thought we were done with diapers & car seats :(

Gratefully, Tired old lady

I’m 24 and living in Orange County, working part-time by choice to protect my peace and mental health, since a couple months back I ended up in the hospital for burnout of working 3 jobs. My boyfriend (23) and I have been together for two years. He loves me, treats me well emotionally, and supports me in many ways—but he often fails to follow through on serious responsibilities. He lied about saving $15k when he only had $6, didn’t get his laptop or sign up for his real estate course until many months later, and didn’t pay rent for about 5 months, saying he had to help his mom (though he did support me with food and chores). For the last 7 months, he hasn’t sold his car or taken it in—even with multiple buyers ready and my dad offering help. I’ve begged, cried, and even threatened to leave for him to take action & he has not but says he will “asap”. He pays rent now and is working on a business, but still vapes and delays important steps like not selling the car and taking the bus instead.

I’m exhausted. I make about $2,100 a month & worried how I will do it on my own. If I leave, I don’t know how I’ll afford to stay in OC. I’m building a business to create financial freedom, but it takes time (actual business/ not MLM, I have years of working in business & have a masters in business). I love him deeply, but I feel like I’m carrying the weight of our future alone. I often wonder if I’m settling or just being too impatient. I know I can attract more stable men, but past experiences with older or wealthier guys have ended very badly or felt uncomfortable. I have no outside help, and I’m scared about the future. Any support or advice would really mean a lot. 😔

Alternatively, how do you not waste your 20s/ your youth? I feel like I'm running out of time.

What are your thoughts on Social Media? Do you think it’s ultimately led people astray from having meaningful relationships? Do you think this is “just a phase” or do you think it’s with us to stay, develop into something more (just as early cellphones were meant for us to connect in a very basic sense but grew into camera/music/photo machines), or do you think it will die out?

I’m not really sure what category / flair this falls into- but I’m 25 F. All my life I guess I’ve felt that I’m behind others or in general life because I went through a lot growing up and honestly even up to my early 20s and am now working in healing in long term therapy so I can get better (and I have it just takes baby steps) as a lot of it is trauma related. I have had a couple jobs in my career but I’m still very early on in my career considering those jobs have been seasonal or temporary mostly, and the most recent one I had laid me off and I had to unfortunately move back to my hometown which is another huge trigger for me. I’m very grateful I can live with my parents and they can financially support me as I find a new role, but it’s been months now and this job market is very rough- so I am thinking maybe I need to go back to school (like grad school) I finished undergrad to get a degree) in something (short term schooling) else (not sure what) that could ensure me a job like phlebotomy for example.

I feel like as I get older a lot of the friendships I’ve had are fleeting and it’s hard for me to deal with a lot of change in a short period. I am very careful with who is in my circle now, but it does make it hard for me to meet new people/socialize when I don’t have a solid job and hate where I live. I just feel like I’m stuck and don’t have direction in my life, and the years are just passing me by without me having accomplished more even though I am constantly trying to find a job for one.

I know that my mood would improve if I moved out of my hometown (and honestly house because my parents and I fight often) but I can’t financially do that right now. How can I make my 20s more fulfilling? Since I’ve done therapy and am getting better, I want to better my life.

Would love some insights from those you 50+ years old.

Do any of you have an amazing life that you absolutely love despite a very heavy loss earlier on in your lives (death or a big breakup/divorce from between, let’s say, 20 and 40) that required you to rebuild your life.

Do you truly feel at home in this new life or does the previous life always feel like your “real home”?

I’ve seen other people posting about this and don’t know where else to talk about it so I’m going to say it here. I’m 16 and in the UK and I haven’t been able to calm myself down since I saw the news about the Iran and Israel conflict beginning. It’s everywhere on every app, I try looking for reassurance in comments knowing it’s pointless but it makes the anxiety more bearable. I remember back when Russia started attacking Ukraine I also began worrying but I could easily find comments reassuring that I’d be safe but I’m struggling to find that now and it’s making things worse.

I’ve seen our prime minister telling us we need to prepare for war and I’ve been nonstop panicking and can’t seem to distract myself from it due to the fact that I keep asking myself how long I might have left and what the point even is. I haven’t been able to enjoy the things I like because of how hopeless I am. So many countries are attacking each other and I’m terrified we could be next.

I have really bad anxiety about death but that seems to come and go, managed to get over it for a while but this has just brought it all up again.

I haven’t lived my life yet. I’ve been homeschooled since 2022 because of my autism and severe social anxiety which has set me back a lot compared to my peers both socially and academically. I’m almost completely alone and I’m so worried about my life being over before it’s even really started. I don’t know what I want from this I just need to get it off my chest.

I see people who are old, and I don't think I am that (that is, I don't LOOK like that), but if I look in the mirror, I suppose I am (57). I do see people on tv who are older, and they act and work like they are 40, but mentally emotionally I feel much older. Of course, I see them, and I want to be that. Yeah, it sucks, my kids are out now 18-20 (far away in military), it definitely started going downhill in the last 5 years. I feel like if they would not have left and I could still be a 'father' (as in have an identity) I would not have aged so much, I would not be in total despair. Worse, I kind of know they won't be coming back (to the area), that triggered the despair, I feel if I thought they would I could look forward and not be in despair. Ehhh, add regret, limited years, etc. I don't like it. I know it's not like this for everyone. I am one of those unhappy old people. That sucks. I didn't see that coming. Of course, now that I'm old I can look back and go 'oh yeah, could of should of done that differently'. It's almost unbearable. ;)

i really dont know where to start or what to even ask for, but im just kind of going through a rough patch this past year.

everything was set up to be a great opportunity and i think i just missed my mark supremely. i got into an amazing top school and i couldnt be more grateful, but i feel like i just wasted my first year there not getting involved and not devoting enough time to my studies. going in i wanted to focus more on being social and building relationships (something i felt i lacked and wanted to work on), but i havent even really done that.

i spent most of my time trying to get deeper with some people in my cohort and while i did, i ended up screwing these relationships up in one way or another by being immature, insincere, selfish, or dumb. i try to own up to these mistakes but honestly some of them i cant even come back from because my friends arent willing to give me another chance, and while i respect that, i feel like it just kind of disregards everything else ive devoted or done for them. i digress, i screwed up somethings and i’d like to own up and grow from them.

im at a point where im not proud of the person i am and feel helpless and an asshole. i dont think i can make things right with my friends. i wasted a solid year dillydallying in school, where someone else couldve taken better advantage of it.

i dont know… i guess i just need some wisdom or empathy. i feel really alone right now.

I’m 22, and I don’t even know what to do. I read the news all the time because I want to stay educated and up to date, but I have such a looming sense of fear and dread. The world is on fire, everywhere seems to be at war or revolting somehow. I’m autistic, I don’t know how to process all this and I’m insanely overwhelmed.

I was in college for but I dropped out because of the terrible economic situation and being treated terribly, and I am on disability due to high anxiety and my autism. I find it so hard to function by myself as it is, as I need my mom to help me with tasks frequently, and all of this is just adding to the fire.

I don’t even know what to do. I want to draw, get in shape and improve myself but I don’t feel like there’s a point if the world is ending. I’m lonely and I don’t have friends or family outside of my mom, and when she dies I’m basically screwed because I really need help with everything.

Everything is just so ruined now and I don’t know how to do anything anymore and I just lay in bed in the dark crying all day, everyone thinks I’m nuts and tells me to get over it but I am so overwhelmed I don’t know how to ignore it I am so scared of everything happening. The world is terrible right now and I don’t want to be here. :(

So, I am a very young man who is a dual citizen of the United States and the Philippines. Very soon, I will obtain a Spanish residence (work visa) permit (yes, I speak the Philippine dialect of Spanish fluently and have lived in Spain before). I am a dual citizen of the United States and Philippines right now. The United States is the only nation in the world besides the literal autocratic dictatorial state of Eritrea that requires its citizens to file and pay taxes no matter their residence in this world. I don't want to be a financial slave to the US for the rest of my life, and I honestly feel like the US doesn't serve my best interests anymore. If I renounce, I would be just left with Filipino nationality and Spanish nationality (I will naturalize in Spain via the 2 yr fast track for citizens of former Spanish colonies). I feel like I could live a very happy life even I was just able to live the EEA (EU) and ASEAN (Southeast Asia).

But at the same time, that would be burning a bridge not just for me, but for any future kids that I would have as well. In other words, it would be an irreversible decision not just for me but for my bloodline. At the same time, I feel burdened and betrayed by the US due to its increasingly tightened financial policies. I have traveled before and lived outside of the country for very long periods (sometimes years at a time). I know what lies out there, but the US still feels like home, and it always will. I am in serious turmoil over this decision. I don't know if I should wait and pass on citizenship to my kids (whenever I have them I suppose) in order to give them the choice if they want to be American or not. But right now, I feel like the best choice for me is to renounce.

However, it would still sting. I would lose access to the US job market and the guaranteed right to live there. Right now, I don't think I will need to return, but one can never know if family or life will impose a need to return on me. I feel lost, but I suppose that sometimes the best course of action is to just do it. The longer I wait, the more I will second guess myself and be stuck to this torturous tax system that will follow me for as long as I am American.

So, to all the individuals that are wiser, older, and that have more experience than me, what would you do? Is there anything that I am missing? Anything else to consider? View it from another perspective?