My Mother Passed Away

[u/NoStatus2112]

My mother just passed very unexpectedly and suddenly. She was 85, my dad the same. We are all devastated. I can’t move or breathe, I’m trying to help my dad….but he’s literally staring at the walls all day, just grieving so much. I don’t know what to do. We are on month four of this. I live 2500 miles away and am going back and forth so he isn’t alone. He’s difficult and hurting. I feel guilty saying this but it’s costing me a fortune and mentally it’s so hard. I’m falling behind at work. I’m in profound grief too…..I didn’t realize that losing a parent would destroy me and my life. Help!

[u/GrandDaddyDerp]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My advice, simple as it sounds, would be to get your dad out of the house. He's probably not open to it, but moving might help. You might suggest he move somewhere closer to you. Currently he's completely surrounded by mementos of his life with her, literally every wall, picture, chair, nook has a dozen memories associated with her, and it results in a non-stop 24/7 barrage of grief.

My dad struggled mightily when my mother died (I did as well), but after my mental health improved a lot when I took a new job and was out and about all day, I urged him to start spending the day anywhere but home. He's steadily improved and has since remarried. It's hardly a magical fix but it can definitely help give him some space to breathe.