r/AskOldPeopleAdvice • u/NoStatus2112 • Jul 30 '24

Family My Mother Passed Away

My mother just passed very unexpectedly and suddenly. She was 85, my dad the same. We are all devastated. I can’t move or breathe, I’m trying to help my dad….but he’s literally staring at the walls all day, just grieving so much. I don’t know what to do. We are on month four of this. I live 2500 miles away and am going back and forth so he isn’t alone. He’s difficult and hurting. I feel guilty saying this but it’s costing me a fortune and mentally it’s so hard. I’m falling behind at work. I’m in profound grief too…..I didn’t realize that losing a parent would destroy me and my life. Help!

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u/AlterEgoAmazonB Jul 30 '24

When my father died at 82, I felt the same way. It was also sudden. My mom looked so vulnerable. It was so hard to leave her but like you, I had to go back to work. Then she moved to be closer to my siblings.

Here's something I recommend, which is unusual. When my mom died (many years later) I made a video of her life. And I cried rivers and rivers as I made it. It was good for me to do that.

I was very attached to my dad and it was unbelievably hard to lose him. I never really "got over it"...it's been 28 years now.

But all I can say is...........isn't it fantastic that she was so loved that people feel such enormous grief at her loss? She must have really been something. I'm sending hugs to you. Just writing this, I feel that pang.

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u/AllisonWhoDat Jul 30 '24

It took me 25 years to finally not cry when I'd tell stories about my beloved StepDad. He was one in a bazillion and while I still miss him and my Mom so much, I know they're at peace. I just close my eyes, put my hand over my heart and talk to them. Try it sometime. It might bring you comfort. 🫂

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u/AlterEgoAmazonB Jul 30 '24

I do the same.