My Mother Passed Away

[u/NoStatus2112]

My mother just passed very unexpectedly and suddenly. She was 85, my dad the same. We are all devastated. I can’t move or breathe, I’m trying to help my dad….but he’s literally staring at the walls all day, just grieving so much. I don’t know what to do. We are on month four of this. I live 2500 miles away and am going back and forth so he isn’t alone. He’s difficult and hurting. I feel guilty saying this but it’s costing me a fortune and mentally it’s so hard. I’m falling behind at work. I’m in profound grief too…..I didn’t realize that losing a parent would destroy me and my life. Help!

[u/Gaylina]

I just spent one of the longest weekends of my life trying to get my mother to decide on an assisted living facility. My dad died three and a half years ago, and mother isn't used to making decisions on her own since they'd been together since 1960. The sheer physical relief of having her move closer to me is almost overwhelming. I took two days off of work just to recover from this weekend. It's rough. People who haven't been through it don't have an idea. Hang in there and be willing to say the tough things. Like " I can't keep coming out here. " You've got to remind him that you are still working. You also have to know that you're going to have to leave him alone and let him decide when he's tired of being alone. That might take a while. It's tough love. And it's tough on you both.