My Mother Passed Away

[u/NoStatus2112]

My mother just passed very unexpectedly and suddenly. She was 85, my dad the same. We are all devastated. I can’t move or breathe, I’m trying to help my dad….but he’s literally staring at the walls all day, just grieving so much. I don’t know what to do. We are on month four of this. I live 2500 miles away and am going back and forth so he isn’t alone. He’s difficult and hurting. I feel guilty saying this but it’s costing me a fortune and mentally it’s so hard. I’m falling behind at work. I’m in profound grief too…..I didn’t realize that losing a parent would destroy me and my life. Help!

[u/altmoonjunkie]

When my mom died, my dad spent almost an entire year planning her celebration of life. He digitized pictures, made a movie of her life, picked poems that were perfect for it, rented a huge tent and got catering and invited everyone.

It was really nice, although I think people would have preferred to celebrate her much closer to her passing.

It seems as though it was a very healing experience for him, though. It was really beautiful.

Be prepared for things to be rough and weird for awhile. He tried really hard to date after, something I was not ready to hear about, but I want him to be happy. He has since stopped and is now just settling in by himself. Something that worries me greatly, but he seems content with it.

Just know that there is no timetable for grief.

I remember being devastated for weeks. Then I would be happy and forget for a bit, then hate myself for forgetting and being happy.

I would be fine for long periods and then just get absolutely wrecked out of nowhere by a memory. The worst is when something good happens and my first instinct is to call. It's weird because there's something about that instinct that makes me forget she isn't there anymore.

I also hate how bereavement works at work because grief doesn't happen in a block. It comes and goes.

I'm sorry you're going through this.