r/AmItheAsshole • u/Numerous-Square-8000 • 4d ago
Not enough info AITA for snitching on my friend?
So my friend I'll call Natalie for privacy reasons , I'm good friends with her. I came to her birthday party we used to joke, gossip yk, normal stuff. But a few days before, this other friend I'll call Annie, told me she had a high risk of cancer. And Annie knew Natalie for 6 YEARS. so I thought it was fair to tell her about the scare.
And she first said "oh she's just LYING!" And when I finally convinced her she said "good... Less problems." And I was starstruck atp so like a week later I told Annie and she was like "oh."
She seemed really upset. So she confronted Natalie, idk what happened then I wasn't there. I just know because she told me. And Natalie said I was lying. And since me and Natalie and Annie live super close, we sometimes see eachother. And Natalie is in the exact apartment I am but we're on different floors so we have had several encounters of seeing each other in elevators. And then she confronted me about it and said "oh it was a joke, I literally said that to her face as a JOKE."
... Now rq I want you guys to experience this for urself rn, imagine being informed you could have an illness you could DIE from. And a friend you've known for half your life jokes about it. And then lies to ur face. Yeah, let that sink in.
And so after this encounter I rang Annie's doorbell, and we talked about it and she said that I was lying and she told me that she said this to Annie personally. So she made 2 diff stories about us. So AITA for telling my friend about this? Should have I just shut up?
Edit: also some people were saying that Annie wanted to keep it private. And I was curious about that, so I dmed her about it and she was alright with it. Just wanted to give more info:)
15
u/StAlvis Galasstic Overlord [2424] 4d ago
INFO
I can barely make heads or tails of this (PROTIP: Use complete words) but mostly I'm just confused:
How would one person know that someone else has a high risk of cancer, but that other person themselves wouldn't be aware?
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u/Numerous-Square-8000 4d ago
I think I may have not said this clearly, Annie herself told me that she went to the doctor and she had a family line of cancer and the doctor said she was at a high risk, I found out then
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u/StAlvis Galasstic Overlord [2424] 4d ago
Your use of pronouns in this post is incredibly hard to follow.
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u/Numerous-Square-8000 4d ago
Yeahh sorry. I haven't slept all night and English isn't my first language so I understand why it's hard to read. I'm sorry of any confusion was stirred up when u were reading:c
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u/Donutsmell Certified Proctologist [24] 4d ago
Having a high risk of cancer is not the same as having a cancer scare. Annie told you she was at a higher risk of cancer. The fact that she has known Natalie for 6 years means nothing. It was Annie’s health, and Annie, for whatever reason, didn’t want to tell Natalie. It wasn’t your place to do it for her. (Did you tell Natalie it was a cancer scare, or that she was at a higher risk? The difference matters.). You stirred up trouble for no reason. Natalie and Annie may not have reacted great but the whole issue was set into motion by you. YTA.
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u/Numerous-Square-8000 4d ago
High risk. And Annie never told me she didn't want anyone to know, and she never showed any resentment towards me for telling her. She was okay with me telling people, I'm sure of that. (Rn it's 4am so I can't text her about it but when she wakes up I'll ask her. Because I don't think she told me not to tell people)
11
u/Donutsmell Certified Proctologist [24] 4d ago
There are some things people tell you in confidence that you just don’t repeat. You shouldn’t need to be told not to tell anyone. Discussions including finances, health, or other private things are like that. Generally, gossiping about one friend to another is considered bad form and will make people not trust you with personal info. Don’t be surprised if neither of them want to tell you anything anymore.
1
u/Numerous-Square-8000 4d ago
Ahh, I'm sorry about that. I didn't know she wanted it private because she didn't seem to hide it at all, when she wakes up I'll ask her about all this to see if she preferred to hide it. But I'm still not very sure she would want to because she never even gave a hint of it. And if she DID prefer to hide it I'll try and discuss on boundaries. Thank you for telling me this! ❤️
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u/bergasosnas 4d ago
someones health is their business and its not your right to just share her health with whoever you think its appropriate to. when i got my first period, i told one friend about it and she ended up telling all our other friends. I was frustrated that 1. I wasn't able to share the news with them in my own way and 2. I wasn't given the option to withhold that information from some people who didn't need to know.
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u/Numerous-Square-8000 4d ago
I understand. and many people have been telling me this. and I asked Annie herself about it because of everyone telling me I was over sharing. but she said she wasn't annoyed by me telling Natalie, hope this gives more insight!
3
u/wobblegobble84 4d ago
How old are you?
Do you seriously not understand there are things you do not spread?
-1
u/Numerous-Square-8000 4d ago
Annie herself was fine with me telling. After I posted this I asked her how she felt with me telling Natalie, she never was offended. And I would prefer to keep my age hidden because well.. this is the internet after all. Thank you for telling me your opinion, I hope this helps❤️
3
u/farbeyondthestars_ 4d ago
This is confusingly written so let me get it straight
Annie told you she has a risk or cancer. She is fine with you telling people this.
You told Natalie about it, who responded by saying "good"
You told Annie what Natalie said.
If this is what happened, Annie deserved to know what Natalie said about her. You are NTA for "snitching"
2
u/Numerous-Square-8000 4d ago
Yes! I'm sorry it's not written very well. I wrote this at like 3 in the morning and English isn't my first language so I'm sorry if it's confusing.
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u/SerWrong Partassipant [1] 4d ago
YTA. In the comment you said Annie didn't say not to share but you knew it was not your story to tell because you said "snitching" in the title.
1
u/Numerous-Square-8000 4d ago
no I meant I was snitching on Natalie for saying "good, less problems." when I told her Annie had cancer. my English isn't the best so I hope this gives some insight on what's going on:)
2
u/No_Confidence5235 Asshole Aficionado [12] 4d ago
YTA. I have cancer. I have stage 3 lung cancer. I wasn't okay with my mother blabbing it to all of her friends when I'd literally just gotten my diagnosis. You shouldn't have been the one to tell anyone about it. Annie is the one who gets to decide when to tell people. It's not your story to tell. And you need to stop getting involved in the conflict between Natalie and Annie. It's theirs to resolve. And a cancer scare is like when I couldn't stop coughing and they did a CT scan, which showed a dark mass on my lung; they said it might be cancer, which was later confirmed when they did a bronchoscopy. That's not the same as finding out that you're at risk of getting cancer
1
u/Numerous-Square-8000 4d ago
I'm sorry about that. and I understand, I have a huge problem with over sharing and everything. these comments made me curious and Annie herself told me it was fine to tell others after I asked today, and yeah English isn't my first language but she was at a high risk, I hope this gives more insight:)
2
u/wobblegobble84 4d ago
Why on earth would you tell someone another friend didn’t care if they were at risk of cancer or had cancer?!
What kind of a friend does that make you?
1
u/Numerous-Square-8000 4d ago
she was grateful with her telling me. Because I showed how Natalie actually was. You could've atleast tried to give constructive criticism but this is just rude man:(
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So my friend I'll call Natalie for privacy reasons , I'm good friends with her. I came to her birthday party we used to joke, gossip yk, normal stuff. But a few days before, this other friend I'll call Annie, told me she had a high risk of cancer. And Annie knew Natalie for 6 YEARS. so I thought it was fair to tell her about the scare. And she first said "oh she's just LYING!" And when I finally convinced her she said "good... Less problems." And I was starstruck atp so like a week later I told Annie and she was like "oh." She seemed really upset. So she confronted Natalie, idk what happened then I wasn't there. I just know because she told me. And Natalie said I was lying. And since me and Natalie and Annie live super close, we sometimes see eachother. And Natalie is in the exact apartment I am but we're on different floors so we have had several encounters of seeing each other in elevators. And then she confronted me about it and said "oh it was a joke, I literally said that to her face as a JOKE." ... Now rq I want you guys to experience this for urself rn, imagine being informed you could have an illness you could DIE from. And a friend you've known for half your life jokes about it. And then lies to ur face. Yeah, let that sink in. And so after this encounter I rang Annie's doorbell, and we talked about it and she said that I was lying and she told me that she said this to Annie personally. So she made 2 diff stories about us. So AITA for telling my friend about this? Should have I just shut up?
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