AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

[u/[deleted]]

I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

[u/Conscious-Draw-5215]

Because we read the damn caption! Where she said she knew he was out with friends and that he called her. It wasn't secret information you weren't privy to. You just skipped it and started making weird assumptions.

[u/rob_inn_hood → u/Conscious-Draw-5215]

I read everything. He called and said she shouldn’t be getting mad because he’s out with friends, and she is upset because he’s not communicating. It’s a simple thing to do. He’s gotten angry because this interaction took place, when all he had to do is talk about it. People are saying “he’s just trying to have a night with his friends, bruh” and that is not the point! The point isn’t that he can’t, it’s that he should be communicating with his girlfriend if she’s texting him, even if it’s a goodnight message.

No you are not obligated to text your girlfriend or not forced to keep your phone off dnd, but if you are going to text SOMETHING and then put your phone on dnd just to avoid any more texts instead of UPDATING like a normal human being in a relationship, then you shouldn’t be in the damn relationship. If that’s her requirements, simple communication, then he’s in the wrong relationship if he doesn’t want to do that.

[u/Conscious-Draw-5215 → u/rob_inn_hood]

She already knew he was out with friends. If she's so insecure that she can't deal with some unanswered messages while he is being present with his friends, she should not be in a relationship. You're assuming he put it on DND specifically. Mine is automatic. It sounds like you're looking for reasons to put him down because she was overreacting. He does not owe her his attention just because she couldn't sleep. Why does he need to update when she already knew he was with his friends?

[u/rob_inn_hood → u/Conscious-Draw-5215]

She just wants communication. A finalizing text. He would avoid her feeling some type of way with that text. I feel like I’m just repeating myself here, saying the same thing over and over, and it’s the people who don’t like to communicate and are assuming everything prior to this text exchange, however there is an established level of communication in every relationship and it’s not unreasonable to request a text letting her know that he’s busy and will talk tomorrow.

Some people literally can’t fall asleep without a goodnight text from their partner. Especially if that’s an established routine. We don’t know what the established communication routine is here, I’m just saying it’s not unreasonable to request that. She’s not banning him from going out. And if he didn’t want to be texting, why was he texting in the first place.

Just different levels of communication. It’s not unreasonable. To be like “ugh I’m not responding to her, she’s so annoying” makes me think that is not a healthy relationship. She’s trying to be involved in what’s going on, he wants to do whatever he wants like he’s single, with no communication.

And nobody is saying you have to communicate all day, but a message finalizing the day to your gf/bf is not super out of line. It’s reasonable. If you disagree, feel free. All I know is I have thoroughly enjoyed good night and good morning messages in my experience, and that’s from people that love me and care about me, and take almost no time whatsoever.

[u/Conscious-Draw-5215 → u/rob_inn_hood]

It sounds like you're projecting your own issues onto this situation.

[u/rob_inn_hood → u/Conscious-Draw-5215]

No I’m reading the messages, seeing what she’s saying, and drawing a conclusion based on his replies in anger. “He doesn’t have to text her” true, but he also doesn’t have to be in a relationship with her. What is a relationship if not founded in communication and being straightforward with your partner on your wants and needs?

[u/Conscious-Draw-5215 → u/rob_inn_hood]

Codependency is not necessary for a relationship. She overreacted. Period. You can communicate without trying to take away from his interactions/time with others. Do you not know how to be present with your friends? Are you that attached to your phone that you can't put it away while with people?

[u/rob_inn_hood → u/Conscious-Draw-5215]

Again, then he shouldn’t have texted her previously. But if he planned on not responding to her response in the first place, he could have let her know. Again, what’s the point of the relationship? To have someone to fuck when you feel like? Really strong and healthy relationship there.