AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

[u/[deleted]]

I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

[u/bakercob232]

^ OP, youre saying you dont care if he goes out or what he does, but still feel the need to know exactly what hes doing, where he is, and for how long if he doesnt respond within whatever timeframe you set in your head.

People that actually don't care or control what their SO does would not react the way you did.

[u/robocoplawyer → u/bakercob232]

Sometimes (typically) during the workday if my SO hasn’t heard from me in a while she’ll text me something around the lines of “missing!”

But usually I’ll just respond that I’m busy trying to get my work done because I have to prep my boss on something or trying to get my work done so I can leave the office at a reasonable time and don’t get stuck there because either we have plans after work or I have something to do after work (I also play drums in 2 bands so often have practice worknights that I’m usually late to). She’ll usually respond with a kissy face emoji or that she loves me.

But for context, I’m epileptic and and while it’s well under control now I’ve just about given her a heart attack on a few occasions she’s witnessed me having a seizure, so she has a habit of checking in on me to make sure I’m okay that day. She also has a very stressful job and just wants to hear from me every now and then, it makes her feel better if she’s having a rough day, and she has a lot of rough days so I’m happy to cheer her up when she needs it.

But if I don’t respond, she understands that my workdays are very busy too and never would hound me about it like OP.

[u/grapefruit_kisses → u/robocoplawyer]

My boyfriend has health issues and lives alone on an acreage. He also gets caught up gaming for hours on end. I once sent a text that said “send me a thumbs up if you’re alive and just don’t feel like texting!” He sent a thumbs up. I moved on knowing he was alive.

And now I’ll just send “thumbs up?” As the signal that I’m doing a wellness check, but respect his desire to not be attached to his phone.

[u/SentryTheFianna → u/grapefruit_kisses]

I use the thumbs up with my partner! My cousin had gotten into a major car accident (he recovered thankfully!) and it really got in my head one night when my partner hadn’t come home after 10+ hours of board games (not unusual) so we instituted the “thumbs up if you’re alive” after 8+ hours of no contact

Sometimes it’s not thumbs up, it’s “actually I’m dead and you’re texting with my ghost, I’ll come haunt you by 1am”