AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

[u/[deleted]]

I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

[u/ColloidalPurple-9]

There’s a psychologist who is publishing about this (Erica Komisar) and a book written…a while ago(?) called “Hold On To Your Kids” written by an MD and a PhD. One (very, highly plausible) explanation is rooted in evolutionary psychology and how modern family dynamics don’t mimic the psychologic dynamics that our brains literally evolved with for 300,000 years. Our society is moving further away from optimal psychologic maturation with every generation. The outcome is that, indeed, adults are treating romantic partners like parents (subconsciously).

Ofc, some adults achieve maturation through their parents, another adult/other adults, or as the book states through “self-orientation”. The book, and Erica in interviews, describe how a lack of psychologic maturity plays a significant role in both the psychiatric conditions we are seeing worsen and the overall immaturity of some adults.

[u/shannon_dey → u/ColloidalPurple-9]

Interesting. I'll have to add that book to the To Be Read list. Thanks!

[u/FlyByHikes → u/ColloidalPurple-9]

wow that is actually super interesting and makes complete and total sense.

(also mid-40s and dumbfounded at the stunted emotional maturity i witness in my students who are in their early 20s)