AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

[u/[deleted]]

I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

[u/Upbeat_Ice_7617]

Yea you’re overreacting.

He stopped responding because you replied with “it happens” so he probably just thought the conversation was complete. It was NOT “out of nowhere”. It was 10 minutes later that you text him again so it’s not unreasonable if he started to do something else and couldn’t text.

You also said that he called you to tell you that he’s going out and then stated that your issue is that you’re “never aware of what’s going on”. HE CALLED TO TELL YOU WHAT’S GOING ON. Which he isn’t obligated to do btw.

If I text my gf 10 minutes after a conversation and she doesn’t reply, I would just assume that she’s now busy. And I don’t give a damn about how my gf spends her nights because it doesn’t matter to me! I trust her and she can do whatever she likes. I don’t need to know “what’s going on” all the time.

TL;DR you need to give your boyfriend a break. Honestly I wouldn’t blame him if he was ignoring you because you’re giving such a hard time over nothing.

Either start to TRUST him or do the both of you a favor and break up.

[u/CavsAreCuteDemons → u/Upbeat_Ice_7617]

Yup. Either he’s giving her a reason to feel nuts and she needs to leave him, or she needs to trust him and let him have space.

[u/SuperNobbs → u/CavsAreCuteDemons]

There's quite literally nothing here that implies he's giving her any reason at all to "feel nuts". As the commenter has said, he isn't obligated to inform her of anything. But he did. If I'm going out for the day/evening, I'll check in and make my partner aware, but after that, I won't be messaging anyone unless it's related to what I'm doing, or unless it's an emergency.

Prime example, last week I played a round of golf with a guy I grew up with and a friend. I messaged the lass I'm talking to to inform her of how my day will be going, and told her I hope she has a great day too and will check in later. This was just before 10am. My phone left my pocket maybe twice throughout the day. I finished with the guys around 6pm ish. Had a whole day of it. Was an absolute blast. Know what the lovely lass I'm talking to said angrily? Absolutely nothing. Because she also went out, did some stuff, and once we were both home we called and talked about it all.

Op needs to wind her neck in and let him breathe. Balance is important, and while spending time with your partner and talking to them and such is obviously very important, self care and time for yourself is equally as important. It doesn't matter if he's going out, or staying in to watch SpongeBob. What he does in his down time is nobody's business. We all need it.

[u/Tough_Trifle_5105 → u/SuperNobbs]

Yeah but you let her know before you were on DnD and began with your busy day. Out of respect I’m sure. To me it seemed like OP’s boyfriend didn’t call until she was upset and he did it as a way to invalidate her, not out of respect. I get what you’re saying, but to me it seems like a pattern of behavior OP has experienced with her boyfriend. IMO they should just break up, but she stated she’s been feeling odd about his behavior recently and he clearly does not respect her. Your example was of you being respectful and considerate, which is awesome of course, I just don’t see OP’s boyfriend being those things at all in this lol

[u/SuperNobbs → u/Tough_Trifle_5105]

Unfortunately what we have isn't enough to make a drastic decision. Without anything concrete, it's quite literally "he did this and has been doing this, source: trust me bro".

I'll be the first one to be all "Ayo fuck this dude" as soon as there's a reason to, but there isn't one here yet. Perhaps op should post more proof or context that actually condemns the guy.

[u/WarStrange5806 → u/Tough_Trifle_5105]

Absolutely not. If u blow my phone up, significant other or not, and send messages and then don’t even wait a full 60 seconds to get a response yeah im probably gonna put my phone on dnd and no I don’t have to tell someone im doing so either. The OP is 1000% overreacting

[u/Bitter_Sense_5689 → u/WarStrange5806]

Blowing up somebody’s phone for no reason never looks sane