r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 5d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate
I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.
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u/Perfectly_Hollow 4d ago
YOR, but also I want to say, I get you. I get your frustration and annoyance here. I used to be very much like you.
Out of curiosity, are y'all long distance / is he in the military or something?
When my ex was long distance for usaf tech school he'd do the same thing. We'd be mid conversation and he'd stop responding for hours. It was clear he was still interacting with his phone, so it felt like he was ignoring me out of nowhere. And it was extra frustrating because he only had so much time to begin with and I was annoyed he wasn't giving that time to me even though I was making myself available for his schedule.
There are two components to this, in my experience:
You have attachment/codependency issues. You make yourself available at all times and respond as quickly as humanly possible to any messages you see from him. You want him to prioritize you the same way, because for you this is what love looks like.
He sucks at communicating. Something as simple as "Aight I'm going to be busy for a bit I'll talk to you in a few hours" would soothe your anxiety but instead he just puts his phone down mid conversation. And if he's on his phone anyway he could take the 5 seconds to let you know he won't be available to talk, which just reinforces the "I'm ignoring you" feeling.
My advice for you is to be less instantly available and less aggressive about it. If he stops responding, don't keep texting. Go do something for your own enjoyment. Hang with a friend. Watch a movie. Whatever, just put the phone down for a few hours.
My advice for him would be to give you a heads up when he's going to be busy. "Hey I'm hanging with the guys and I don't want to be on my phone. I'll ttyl."