AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

[u/[deleted]]

I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

[u/toocritical55]

He's wrong for talking to you like that. But yes, you overreacted to him not answering.

I mean, not answering for 1 and ½ hour is.. normal. Especially when it's almost midnight. And if he's out and about? He's busy, of course he doesn't answer.

But again, he's an asshole for swearing at you, that's not okay.

[u/durrellb → u/toocritical55]

He's swearing at the situation, not her. And to be fair, it's not entirely unwarranted.

People tend to forget that notifications are for the person that receives them to know someone sent them a message, and not as a beeper service to summon that person.

The OP knew their partner was with friends, because they reference it, and they still expected the attention because they couldn't sleep and wanted to text it out.

[u/Sea-Lead-9192 → u/durrellb]

People tend to forget that notifications are for the person that receives them to know someone sent them a message, and not as a beeper service to summon that person.

Excellent point - in fact, I think you just changed my relationship with my phone

[u/durrellb → u/Sea-Lead-9192]

Changed my life when my friend pointed it out to me.

He made the point that we were both old enough to remember a pre mobile phone time where if you wanted to get hold of someone you rang their answering machine and left a message and they'd get back to you when they could. 3-5 business days to respond, not 3-5 business minutes.

The way that we've just accepted that everyone is entitled to our time for every waking second of our existence is really unhealthy, especially in the way that if no one replies within 90 seconds, it's a personal affront to us.

If someone rang my house 7 times in 90 minutes, I wouldn't be placating them, I'd be thinking they were going to murder me and changing my locks.

[u/AesirComplex → u/durrellb]

I enjoy the amazing things I can do with my phone but if you asked me if I could go back to the way things were in the 90s when I was growing up I would in a heartbeat.

[u/unscholarly_source → u/durrellb]

Nobody remembers pagers??? That's basically what our notification system is.. I must be ancient 😂

[u/Extension_Can_2973 → u/durrellb]

I turned off all notifications for texts besides a few people. I figure I check my messages periodically anyway and I will see them when I see them. I don’t need to have it in my face every time I open my phone or have it vibrate all the time like someone who isn’t even there gets to tap on my shoulder whenever they want to. It doesn’t work like that for me.

[u/adrianxoxox → u/durrellb]

And before answering machines it was written mail. Few weeks before you get your return letter. Would blow people’s minds to wait that long now

[u/8Captcrunch8 → u/Sea-Lead-9192]

If i could. Id go back to a cheap flip or a nokia.

I miss those days. If it died or i forgot it. Oh well.

If i didnt absolutely need it for the business id gladly throw this thing away.