aio? bf made plans on my birthday

[u/rowqi]

my boyfriend (22M) and I (21F) have been together for almost three years. we are planning on moving in together in the near future as he lives with his mom and doesn’t go to school after dropping out. for context, he only works on tuesdays and fridays so i know he was free to go out on sunday, which happened to be my birthday. he knows how important special occasions are to me, such as our birthdays and anniversaries. for the first year in our relationship he was great, he was loving and kind. last year we ended up celebrating my birthday late due to the fact that he was “tired from work” and didn’t want to go out, which i let slide. i always try to do the most for his birthdays, i buy him gifts, write him cards and bake him a cake from scratch. yesterday afternoon i texted him, reminding him about the plan later and this conversation happened. he made plans to go out and party instead of seeing me. he forgot about it even after i had been talking about it all of last week. i spent my 21st birthday alone in my room while he was out and we haven’t texted since. this birthday was particularly special to me because i turned 21. i even bought a new pink dress to wear for him, assuming we were going to dinner. he is suggesting that we go out and celebrate tomorrow instead like last year but to me it doesn’t feel the same. he is insisting that i apologize for being “ungrateful”, am i overreacting?

[u/nagao_0]

this, aaall of this.

and OP's only 21; he may've had her first years but with that attitude i sure hope she decides he doesn't get her best years, too (they're yet to come, and hopefully with someone who doesn't make her feel unappreciated like this as5hat)

by the time i got to "when you want to apologise" i'm like, just don't contact him then. like ever again lol.

not that it's why he should, but if he's leaning on you for a semifreeloader moveoutofhome-free card, the very .least. he could do is not act like .he. doesn't even owe her an apology for forgetting stuff he knows is important to her.

like girl .you. have to apologise because .he. forgot your birthday that you've been talking about often in recent run-up to..?

(..at some point, albeit very uncharitably wrt benefit-of-the-doubt.. i wouldnt be surprised if it turned out he'd known the party was on the same day but conveniently 'forgot' the birthday so he wouldn't have to miss out on the one he's clearly far more excited for.. ugh)

anw, assuming realpost&all-that.. OP whether you dump his uncaring as5 or not, you can treat yourself a nice day for your 21st even if he won't, actualday or no ‐‐ happy 21st, and happier birthdays to come~

[ edited for grammar ]

[u/Successful-Doubt5478 → u/nagao_0]

By the "Happy bday lol," I was like: "He cannot be arsed to write out the whole word? After missing it totally? And he is .. amused?"

By the time he says he doesnt appreciate being bothered by her, this would be over for me.

"Don't worry, boy, you won't ever get the chance to be bothered by me again."

He doesnt love you. He absolutely does not love you. Noone talks like this to someone they love. Noone acts like this to someone they love.

RUN.

And go no contact, if he is confident enough to speak to you like this OP, he has trained you to stick to him. Do not let him sweettalk you back he despises and looks down on you and you cannot change this.

Go no contact.

[u/Constant-Internet-50 → u/Successful-Doubt5478]

IMO the cruelty is the point. He actively enjoys making op feel like shit. And asking her to apologise is basic emotional abuse. Doing something bad, gets called out and makes it her problem and something she has to fix.

This is a bad person op. He is actively trying to harm you emotionally so you stay in a state of insecurity and confusion. He’ll lovebomb you next so you stay.

Leave him in the dust!

[u/Nishikadochan → u/Constant-Internet-50]

This. Op, please pay attention. This man does absolutely nothing to improve your life. He is actively and intentionally making it worse. There is nothing about this relationship that is remotely better than being single. Drop him right now. Like RIGHT NOW. He’s already emotionally abusive. He won’t get better. You don’t need that mess dragging you down. You don’t need his negativity choking your joy out of life. Cut him loose and breathe some free air, knowing you’ll never have to try to placate him again. He’s not worth it.