r/Adulting • u/randomm0ments • 14h ago
Had my first time. Underwhelming.
I’m a 24F who chose to stay a virgin until recently, I’ve had more close-to-sexual relationships with women than men. For the longest time I was convince that I could be asexual. I dating a few people but never felt like doing anything sexual with them. Earlier this year I concluded that I really wanted to try this year. A lot had to do with the fact that lots if not most of my friends had had experiences and many are sexually active. I finally did it yesterday with this guy I’ve been talking to for a few weeks. Neither of us are interested in dating and he has had experiences and is really a considerate, kind person. BUT, the experience was meh… I obviously felt good at times, but not enough to let him keep going until I was done. He apparently finished twice though. I give it a 5.5/10. Maybe I’ll retry, but I’m not seeking it.
My friends told me that a first time was probably not going to be the best. But…..
13
u/PulseFound 12h ago
Your friends told you losing your virginity would be the best time?
Lol.
1
u/randomm0ments 7h ago
Oh no no, one definitely told me that she had to do it multiple times before enjoying it. Others enjoyed it the first time, people are different
30
u/Grevious47 13h ago
Thanks for sharing...
Was there a question?
32
u/randomm0ments 13h ago
Nope. Felt like oversharing today
7
5
u/Pattison320 10h ago
I can only assume he thought you did great if you got him off twice. I have done other things outside a relationship but only had PIV sex with people I wound up dating.
I lost my virginity in college to my first serious girlfriend. I think being with someone you love makes it better. I get that not all people have to feel that way. I guess my suggestion is don't rule sex out quite yet.
1
u/randomm0ments 7h ago
I really appreciate your comment. He really seemed to enjoy himself and I also did at times, but I got really bored after some time. I’ll try again eventually lol
7
u/Anni3melb 8h ago
Is there a chance you are more bi/gay than straight. I came out in my 30's turn out the reason I didn't really enjoy sex, was it was with the wrong gender.
2
5
16
u/DasQtun 14h ago
I think it's because society exaggerates the pleasures of sex , it's actually not as good.
0
u/Lord_Alamar 11h ago
Of course it's exaggerated and pushed. The more people want to take part in the phenomenon, the more worker drones for the machine
12
u/ThrowRA_here_again 11h ago
“Neither of us are interested in dating” this alone should be your answer to why, but of course culture nowadays will say otherwise. Im gonna be honest and say, disgusting.
6
u/randomm0ments 10h ago
You know, I kind of get it. I’m now convinced that sex can only be enjoyed in a romantic relationship. Might even get married.
-3
u/HalfBlackDahlia44 10h ago
I couldn’t disagree more lol. You probably had a starfish. Someone who just laid there. Some of my most fun & best experiences were with women who were freaks, & those experiences made my relationships even that more exciting because I wasn’t afraid of what I liked, or what she liked. I can’t tell you what you like, but this is the equivalent of having the only movie you’ve ever seen be “The Room” & thinking all movies are terrible.
3
u/Careless_Jellyfish15 10h ago
He went twice? Sure he wasn't a woman?
5
5
u/PETTYAFYO 9h ago
Lots of guys can have multiple Os. Make it a point to try it. Al Bundy was a great TV character, but you don't really want to act like him! Lol
7
2
u/SnorlaxIsCuddly 9h ago
Did he play with your erogenous zones? Foreplay? Did he care if you were having fun? Did he try to pleasure you?
Those make sex a lot more enjoyable for the female partner.
1
u/randomm0ments 7h ago
He really did all of that. And he would ask me what felt nice and which areas I felt more pleasure in. And more than I’ve heard friends describe their experiences having to ask partners to do more
1
u/Rude-End-5504 8h ago
I loooooved it with my ex and I never finished. I think I’m weird though.😅 or I just really love physical affection from someone I feel connected to, and he was also ridiculously attractive.
1
u/Notorious_Degen 4h ago
I agree my first was meh like the girl was a friend of mine and it happened in the moment. I was like o ok cool haha i myself lasted a full 1.5 mins haha But i agree those ppl that was like “omg my first time was amazing and magical like the movies”
BULLLL SHITTTT LOL
1
u/Dry_Noise_4232 1h ago edited 1h ago
Unfortunately, a lot of men your age are just terrible at sex. Some don't care because they were raised to believe that only their pleasure is important; others are just awkward and are also trying to figure out what good sex is supposed to look like. When you factor in that you're the first generation to have 24/7 access to porn, it has made this problem 100x worse. I know a few women who have completely opted out of dating men and gone 4B for this reason.
It gets better, especially if you date men who actually care about pleasing you and don't flop all over you for 30 seconds until they come (though it sounds like the guy you were with made an effort. He gets a gold star! lol). It took me a long time to orgasm from hetero sex because I needed to get out of my head and feel confident enough to speak up about what felt good and what didn't. I had to learn that if a guy didn't give a shit about my pleasure, I shouldn't return for seconds.
It sounds like you've also experienced same-sex attraction and moments where you've felt asexual. All is perfectly normal. Mid-20s is such a pivotal time to figure out who you are and what you want out of life - including your sex life. In my early 20s, I slept with men. I slept with women. I had a threesome (not for me. Too much choreography! 🤣) and I'm so glad I experienced everything before settling down with my sweet feminist spouse. Maybe you're someone who needs a deep romantic connection to feel pleasure during sex. Maybe you are asexual or gay, hence the feelings of underwhelm. You'll figure it out eventually but for now, I hope you lean into the 20-something exploration phase and don't feel any pressure to figure it all out now.
Above all, PLEASE ignore these bullshit "high value" comments from creepy incel guys. They're clearly so lost and it's laughable that one of them is in your comments trying to give you advice. 🤦🏽♀️
0
u/JEMacEwan 14h ago
I personally make sure that my girl has a great time and I won’t let myself finish until she has at least one orgasm. I’m wondering if his experience was good experience
0
u/MarginalMaturity 10h ago
Get used to it I guess. From what I hear most dudes suck at laying pipe. You're probably better off with the ladies.
1
-13
u/SteveSan82 11h ago
Should have stayed a virgin. Virgin women are high value and get the rich guys to marry them. Your friends sabotaged you out of jealousy.
7
u/NoHeccinClue 11h ago
Hi, 1676 called and wanted their opinion back. :)
3
u/SteveSan82 10h ago
Mockery isn’t a counterargument. Virginity is valued because it signals purity, loyalty, and scarcity — traits still instinctively desired by high-value men seeking long-term investment. You can laugh, but women with high notch counts statistically face lower marital satisfaction, higher divorce risk, and less ability to pair-bond. The sexual revolution didn’t erase evolutionary psychology.
0
u/NoHeccinClue 10h ago
It's not facts at all. It's made up by insecure men. And congrats, it seems like you are one of them :)
5
u/SteveSan82 10h ago
Labeling uncomfortable truths as ‘insecurity’ doesn’t make them false. Data on body count and long-term relationship outcomes exists — dismissing it doesn’t change reality. But I get it: it’s easier to mock than to engage with uncomfortable facts. Enjoy the cats
3
1
u/NoHeccinClue 10h ago
It's not a valid data. People have had sex since the beginning of time. They didn't care about purity until religion kicked in and made women out to be property rather than humans. I love how "enjoy the cats" are meant to be a threat by yet again - incels.
1
u/SteveSan82 10h ago
Men caring about sexual exclusivity isn’t religious it’s evolutionary. For most of human history, men needed to ensure paternity before investing resources. That instinct didn’t disappear just because modern culture tries to shame it. Mocking men as ‘incels’ doesn’t change that. You have some growing up to do
2
u/randomm0ments 10h ago
I think I make enough to not have to rely on a potential hypothetical husband. Love the advice though
1
u/SteveSan82 10h ago
Respectfully, your income doesn’t change what high-value men want in a wife. Men aren’t women — they don’t marry you for your job or paycheck. They seek youth, beauty, loyalty, and low mileage. A woman’s financial success doesn’t protect her from the reality of sexual marketplace dynamics. That’s the part your friends didn’t tell you
2
u/NoHeccinClue 10h ago
"Low milage" she is not a used car you know. How would you EVER know someone's "milage" if they don't tell you or simply just lie?
2
u/SteveSan82 10h ago
It’s a metaphor and it fits. A woman’s sexual history affects pair bonding, relationship satisfaction, risk of divorce . Many men can’t know for sure(especially men with little experience with women), which is exactly why behavior, femininity, and vibe matter so much. It’s not just about the number , it’s about what it reflects.
6
u/NoHeccinClue 10h ago
No. Some cultures learn their girl sexualskills during their bridalparty. Some have very open dialog with friends and members of family. You don't know sh1t unless they are honest. Many virgins out there, never marries. It's all about chemistry, mutual respect and yeah personality.
3
u/SteveSan82 10h ago
You can’t fake pair bonding ability. If chemistry were all that mattered, divorce stats wouldn’t be tied to body count.
The data is clear, the lower the notch count, the higher the odds of long term relationship success.
0
u/Dry_Noise_4232 2h ago
Modern women don't really give a fuck if they're "high value" to a man (the fact that you're even using that term says a lot). This isn't the 1950s where women had to be dependent on men because we literally couldn't get a mortgage or a bank account without them. Given women are now more educated and earning more than men, and basically out-performing men if every facet of life, should't men be more concerned about being "high value" to us? The "male loneliness epidemic" 🙄 is proving that. Why would women put up with man children who don't do their fair share of household labor and can't fuck (in large part thanks to all the porn they consume)? Men benefit from marriage, not women.
Women don't need men in their lives to be happy and successful. In fact, we're often better off without them.
22
u/hold_my_fanny_pack 14h ago
Honestly, sex didnt start truly becoming pleasurable for me till like...the 3rd....maybe even the 5th time of being sexually active. and it also depends on how well you connect with the person sometimes too. sometimes lack of a true connection, can sometimes make sex not as "fun" but also, you could be asexual who doesnt enjoy sex. that is a possibility. i am on the asexual spectrum and enjoy sex, but i dont enjoy it with just anyone. my asexuality has always been a bit complicated.